i think my fiancee is cheating do i call the wedding off?

Tiddlywinks

marisco wrote: »

Self assured people who are completely secure in their judgements and instincts don't have a need to see a reaction. Nor could they be swayed into feeling paranoid.

I agree with this.....

What's the point of having an argument, possibly losing control of emotions etc? It's not satisfying for anyone.

Ranting and raving will just reinforce his view that he was right to go elsewhere.

Have some dignity, remain calm and just tell him his behaviour is unacceptable and that it's over.

That will actually be far more disturbing for him than any hysterics.

fivetide

hazyjo wrote: »

I know if it quacks like a duck, waddles like a duck and looks like it's a duck, it's a duck... and don't for one minute believe he's innocent, but I do think it would be advisable for the OP to see his reaction.

Jx

In agree he'll lie through his teeth. Potentially the same as other threads we've seen, with big apologies and promises it won't happen again but the trust is gone.

What I am concered about is the OP's reaction to his reaction. I'm not sure this is something she would want a debate on especially as marisco said, she knows the answers already.

Just worried that while the OP might want to do this is it a good idea? One for them to decide. If she does confront him, I certainly think having a friend along to help kick him out will be a good idea so the OP doesn't end up with several hours of tears and torture in front of him.

egoode

Meesha.P wrote: »

i have nothing to lose now i'v lost it all so i mite as well get some revenge on him for hurting me like this. let him feel my pain.

You do have something to lose, it's your dignity. I know how you feel about wanting to punch him but really it won't really hurt him and it won't make you feel better. I wouldn't rush in moving out either as from memory you have a daughter.

I think you need to sit and think about your future first before making any rash plans of moving out. Firstly is the house owned or let? If it's owned who owns it? Do you have a right to part of it? If you do end up moving out consider what furniture or items you want/bought for the place and where you would store them while you find your own place. I'd consider telling him to move out as long as you can afford the rent/mortgage on your own.

For tonight stay at your parents definitely but I wouldn't necessarily tell him why can you make up some excuse that they aren't feeling well and need your help.

I think you need some space to work out your next steps and protect yourself and daughter's future

Person_one

I agree with Mojisola that it might be better for the OP to not be there when he comes home, or to not let him in and just pass him out his stuff to take wherever he wants.

I completely understand the anger, I've been there although thankfully no children involved and not as long a relationship. You want to hurt him back just as much as he's hurt you, but the sad truth is that you can't now. Nothing you do to him will make him feel as bad as you're feeling now so there's no point even trying.

Hold your head high and act as though you've already started to move on and you feel nothing but contempt for this pathetic little man. Ever heard of 'fake it till you make it?'

I don't understand why you're leaving though, are you taking your daughter with you? If its at all possible for you to stay in your home then it should be his bags that are packed, not yours, and the little one should be able to sleep in her own room tonight.

Mojisola

Where is your daughter? Is she around to witness whatever happens when he comes home?

bagpussbear

Really sorry to hear this :-(

But I don't think it should be you that leaves the house to be honest. Ask him to pack his bags, he can go to this colleague to stay - suddenly things won't feel as romantic for them then!

Ivrytwr3

Idiophreak wrote: »

No, you're right.

That's it.

We know one line from a bbm conversation, completely out of context....oh, and we know that he skipped work and went to a friend's house.

Clearly that's enough to doom the guy to a life of misery, loneliness and custody battles. Why not, eh? I mean it's not like it's our own lives we're messing with...

Clearly, on the balance of probability, there's something going on.

But if OP doesn't have all the facts, she should really get them before making any decisions.

Where would you draw the line then? What evidence would you require? Hide under her bed? Do you really need to see the bits going in and out before you would be satisfied?

Whatever she throws at him, he will most likely spin lie after lie. I have more self respect than that - bags > door > get the !!!! out.

pinkshoes

What happened????

Person_one

Is that supposed to be funny? Because it isn't.

marisco_2

~Chameleon~ wrote: »

Pretty truthful though, given the thread details.

Visuals often have more impact on both perps and victims. Often makes them think twice.

I'd seriously hope a visual like that would only encourage someone to step back from a volatile upsetting situation, think twice and then decide not to inflict violence. Nothing justifies it. Lets not forget there is a little girl caught up in the middle of this mess, who would be terribly affected to see her dad end up in that kind of state. Her feelings and emotional well being should be paramount in her parents minds at this time. Not who can hurt the other the most and plans of seeking revenge!

OP I hope you are doing okay, surrounded by loving and supportive friends and relatives, who are rallying round to help you through this horrible time.