Do I call time on our relationship?

ClareTeaches

star_trek_fan wrote: »

Spoke to one of our neighbours just before I left and she said I look better than I've looked in a long time. I feel better than I've felt in a long time.

So, the answer's no, don't care if he's nowhere to live, no longer my problem. Very much looking forward to my future on my own terms.

YESSSSS!!! :T:T

Have only just seen this thread, but I'm so glad to see you've made the change (and in a way his actions brought it to a head).

I'm not surprised that your neighbour said that, because it's exactly what I'd was thinking reading through your posts in this thread, from your initial question to the ones since he's gone - it's like the clouds have parted and here you are a different person writing these comments.

If any doubts come to mind, look back at your first post on this thread and imagine it was your friend saying all this to you - what would your advice to her be? How would your feel for her? I bet you'd be offering her your spare room! Just keep that in mind, especially when he's trying to weasel his way out with his abuser excuses and emotional blackmail.

Look at all the positive changes in just this short time. I'm so excited for you to be having your family visit next week! And just having those fish and chips sounds like it was a wonderful moment of freedom.

Your new life is out there, and at risk of quoting ST : TNG, you can "Make it so!"

Go STF!!! Xxx

heartbreak_star

*big smile* I love reading when a good outcome happens!

Well done star trek fan, and enjoy every minute of your new life.

Lots of warmest wishes!

HBS x

marisco_2

tayforth wrote: »

In addition, you may help goodness knows how many women who are in the same situation as you.

xxx

Men also could be greatly helped. Sadly just as many men as women, are subjected to the awful treatment the OP has endured, through absolutely no fault of their own.

OP it is natural that a meeting with someone who you have loved for so long, and who has shared your life, would pull on your heart strings. For a while yet there will be emotions of upset that a relationship you once believed held such promise, has ended so badly. Ask yourself this though, when was the last time that your ex told you he loved you? Where you felt he genuinely meant it with deep feeling being behind his words? To say it now when he can see he is losing you is far too little, too late in my book.

Keep going hun, you are a true inspiration to myself and many others I am sure.

happilymarried2013

Can't lurk and run on here. Too close to home for me.


Well done OP for having the courage to seek advice before it all kicked off. I'm glad everything has come to a head, hopefully now it will be healing for you. Think of the situation as an abcess - it comes to a head, bursts, the infection takes a while to heal and at first leaves a scar. Don't worry, these scars do fade over time.


I wish you luck with everything, its hard (been there bought tshirt like so many others) but it gets better and better. Promise. Please keep us posted as to how you get on.

nat21luv

Too close to home for me too.


This is the one situation whereby the grass really is greener on the other side! The night he hit me was a turning point, I felt so empowered by my emotions that I spent the whole night lying on the sofa making a list...a 'kick him out' list! I have never cried for him and never looked back. I wish this for you, I hope you can keep that inner strength going because every day you are apart is another day you are getting stronger. One day you will realise he didn't love you, no one who loves someone would want to hurt them.


I wish you the best of luck for your future, enjoy xxx

fivetide

star_trek_fan wrote: »

Have had the meeting. Neutral territory, albeit his mates office, with him and him asking me to let him back as he loves me, etc. etc., we can work it out, takes two to make an argument, ......

Brilliant!


"Sorry I smacked you one and have been treating you as a doormat for years but it was your fault."


Can't believe it didn't work!

marisco_2

star_trek_fan wrote: »

takes two to make an argument, he's nowhere to live, his mums really ill and he's worried.

It doesn't always take two to make an argument. Certain personalities are more than capable of kicking off a storm all by themselves. It does however take for two people to consider above everything else when having an argument, that they love, value and respect the other person enough, to never humiliate, undermine, scare or hurt them physically or emotionally. Problems in a relationship can be addressed and worked through in a civil and calm way. It takes for two people to be totally committed to each other to achieve that though. A concept that your ex chose to ignore time and time again OP.

As for the rest of the quote above there is a real element of me, me, me woe is me to what he is saying. You are not someone he loves and cares for, the one person he cant imagine living life without. He saw you simply as his stability and security, and arrogantly thought you always would be, regardless of the way he treated you. Now he is saying all the things he knows you have wanted to hear in order to try and win you back.

Stay strong OP, keep moving forward and never look back is my advice. There is a future for you, better than you possibly even dare imagine possible right now, you just have to get out there and go after it. I promise you it will be so worth it.

star_trek_fan

He's just rung me to let me know where he's staying and that he's working in our village tomorrow if I want to go and talk to him.

I've also been invited out for a meal on Wednesday to celebrate our anniversary. Me saying 'no' to both suggestions led to a torrent of abuse and he's going to a solicitor tomorrow and take me to the cleaners.

Must be on another planet. Why do I want to celebrate our wedding anniversary?

marisco_2

He is playing mind games with you OP. Fully aware that he has lost you and why, but is pretending to not be taking your stance seriously. This is very common when abusive relationships end, and is done in order to try and undermine and confuse you, your judgement and instincts.

Let him contact a solicitor. Any worth their salt will work within the limits of the law, bring him down a peg or two, and make it crystal clear to him that he cannot treat you badly and send you to the dogs. Instruct your own solicitor too and insist that any communication is dealt with between them from now on.

Start believing that he only has the power over you that you permit him to have. Stand your ground and don't let him scare you or push you around any more. You can do this and we are all behind you on here 100%.

southoftheriver

Stay strong, you are amazing and your life is only going to get better now. Best of luck.