Do I call time on our relationship?

marisco_2

tayforth wrote: »

Emotional abuse is harder to recognise than physical abuse, but it leaves scars too.

Very true. Don't underestimate the cruelty of someone who lays down a sustained campaign of verbal abuse and mind games. It is right up there with hitting where the bruises don't show.

star_trek_fan

Thanks to all for your words of wisdom and virtual hugs. Means a lot.
I'm OK, emotionally battered, bruised, so tired because I have hardly slept and the arthritis is giving me grief because I've forgotton to take my drugs.

Locks have been changed, but I'm staying on my own in the house for the weekend. He isn't around, he's at his daughter's 150 miles away and she will let me know if the situtation changes which gives me plenty of time to get to my son's place which is 20 minutes away. Luckily, I have a great relationship with her and whilst she doesn't condone what he's done, he's still her dad. His mates have been round to collect some of his possesions and his classic car, he's got his everyday one with him. I've got contact numbers for anyone my son can think of in all the house phones and my daughter has bought me a mobile so I'll be able to call someone if I'm worried when I go out.

You may think I'm unwise, but I feel the need to be alone. Time for quiet reflection and no doubt plenty of tears this weekend, before I can make decisions going forwards. I'm not completely alone as we now have another dog, so I have some company.

I know in my mind that this is the correct decision, but that's not what my heart says. A year from now I'm sure things will look much rosier. One thing I know for certain is that this house needs to go, too many unhappy memories and it's time to make some good ones. Don't know where I'm going to but that doesn't matter. Time to take care of me.

Mojisola

star_trek_fan wrote: »

You may think I'm unwise, but I feel the need to be alone. Time for quiet reflection and no doubt plenty of tears this weekend, before I can make decisions going forwards. I'm not completely alone as we now have another dog, so I have some company.

I think this is very understandable. Relish the time alone - eat what you want when you want, watch what you want on TV, go to bed when you want or just doze on the couch - it's YOUR space and no-one is watching what you do or telling you when and how to do things any more.

BitterAndTwisted

Good luck STF!

Really, him bringing things to a head like this has saved you a lot of soul-searching.

There's a bright new future ahead of you. Contented. Making your own decisions. Having your own money to spend on what you like rather than having it stolen from you. Free!

PlymouthMaid

Things will get better now OP. I think the worst is over for you so now take stock and take care of yourself and cuddle that dog. Come back to chat here if you feel too upset or lonely. Your children sound lovely by the way.

star_trek_fan

Took myself out to the chippie in the next village for chips and spring roll. Made a nice change. Couldn't finish it and dog doesn't want to eat the leftovers, he's probably wondering where his big mate with the deep voice is.

Spoken to all my kids again, I'm very proud of all of them, off for a soak in a hot bath and early night, got some sleep to catch up on.

Starrystarrynight

Sending a hug, OP.
I can absolutely understand your need to be alone. I imagine you must crave some peace and respite from all the turmoil.
You know that you haven't given up at the first hurdle, and have given the relationship everything. You do so much, and now you deserve some time to yourself.
Keep strong. You have lots of friends here, who want you to find happiness. X

Yorkie1

OP, how awful for you but at least it means things have come to a head and you can start to move on in your own time and own way.

For those who are urging the OP to prosecute, the ex has been cautioned so there won't be a prosecution.

Good luck and don't be hard on yourself this weekend, OP.

marisco_2

Judi wrote: »

Take photographs of the bruises. Lots of photographs of the injuries with a date stamp. If you've been to the police they will have records of the dates/times and statements. I hope they have taken photographs too.

It might be worth a trip to your doctor too. Get him to check you over and it will be on his records too.

Sleep well.

I second all the wonderful advice given by Judi. It does feel horrendous to have to go through this. I remember the fear and horror of seeing the evidence of what I had suffered in photos and documentation. It is worth it though hun because, this will put a stop to that awful man treating you, or anyone else so badly again. Be brave and keep going but in difficult moments, keep coming on here and let us all support you through this.

star_trek_fan

Bruises photographed and documented by police and hospital (fortunately had routine arthritis clinic next day). He's been cautioned so no further action.

Slept reasonably well and didn't wake up until 8.15, bliss, a lie-in. Beautiful morning here and cup final to look forward to later - have always loved my football, despite being female. Lifelong Evertonian. Summer top and skirt, so bruising on display.

Younger daughter phoned and wants to come and stay next week as it's half-term. If they can hire a car, her partner and my youngest grandchild can come too. (He's a teacher, recently passed driving test). Thinking of asking older daughter to come in summer hols, she's never been here even though I've lived here for 7 years. Her hubby is in education and they've 4 little ones.

Going to make a list of all the things that need doing/sorting and plan when I'm going to do them. He wants to see me on Monday, if I don't want to it won't happen, but if I do it will be on neutral ground, he's never coming back in this house again. I can put all his stuff in the garage.

Feeling really positive and safe in my own home.