Do I call time on our relationship?

POPPYOSCAR

rachiibell wrote: »

I can't believe you are still there!

You need to look into the legalities of dealing with the house but right now I would be kicking him out. Change all the locks and leave his stuff outside. He can go with his Dad who is apparently so desperate for him to leave you. I know it's not normally recommended to do this but he sounds like a bully and the one thing that bullies don't like and makes them back off is being stood up to.

All the best for the future

Not advisable - it is his home as well.

MrsC....tobe

As someone has said contact Women's Aid and also speak with your local domestic abuse team as at the end of the day that's exactly what you are suffering and there is no excuse for that. You need to seek advice from professionals and be strong in following that advice. At the end of the day he is beating you down and you need to be the stronger person here to be able to get out of this. You don't need to suffer alone.

star_trek_fan

You're making me cry. Really this isn't a wind-up.

Just had enough. Why am I still with him? Because I guess, I know how good it was and I don't give up easily. He's out again for the evening after trying to make me feel guily because he's gone out without any food because I refused to cook him a meal.

Going to visit my son next week who's relocating further away. His house will be empty, maybe I could stay there for a bit to clear my head.

His dad, who's egging him on to leave, won't have him stay in his house because of his behaviour.

thorsoak

Something that is worth remembering that I've just read on FB

If you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it. All else is madness. (Eckhart Tolle)

Just go - don't give explanations/reasons - just close any joint accounts, collect any valuable documents (passport etc) and go! Womens Aid will give you support and may be able to help with temporary accommodation.

fabforty

No matter how good it was before, it clearly isn't now. Do you really need to ask the question? You already know the answer. Nobody should be in a 'relationship' like this.


Stay if you want to - it really is your choice - but there comes a point when you have to take responsibility for choices that you make, that includes choosing to remain with him. I hope that you do leave, (I am not underestimating how hard that might be for you) but sadly, something tells me that you won't.

Yorkie1

thorsoak wrote: »

Something that is worth remembering that I've just read on FB

If you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it. All else is madness. (Eckhart Tolle)

Just go - don't give explanations/reasons - just close any joint accounts, collect any valuable documents (passport etc) and go! Womens Aid will give you support and may be able to help with temporary accommodation.

I'm not sure I entirely agree with the quote, in that if you make a formal complaint to someone who has the power and authority to take notice of you and to make change happen, that's not making yourself a victim - that's actually standing up for yourself and empowering yourself.

OP, is the house in your name alone, or his too?

Womens' Aid will be able to advise you on whether it is possible for you to get an order making him stay away from the house given the domestic violence you describe.

You have the right not to live with this any longer, and good advice from those who know how to protect your rights, is essential at the start.

I do agree with the rest of the quote; if you do think you may need to leave urgently, then get your essential documents together in one place where you can grab them easily.

sharnad

Contact women's aid decide if to stay change locks and kick him out or start a fresh.

Vicky123

One of the things that keeps you there is the notion of how good it could/should be. It seems such a simple thing to just have some respect but the reality is your as likely to win the lottery.
No one can understand why people stay in toxic relationships but rarely do they start out that way.
Contact "Rights of Women" an excellent resource, much better imho than womens aid.

mum2one

Please seek advice, use the time at your sons to give you the kickstart you need to start making the necessary contacts, womans aid, there is a lot of support out there.

I know its not easy to walk away, but you need to for your own sanity, Domestic violence isn't just a hit or a slap, its control, demeening actions, - everything it sounds like he is doing.. x

honeybean

My heart goes out to you I was in the same situation, I managed to find the strength to leave and I have never looked back. My ex is still wallowing in his anger and blaming me but I don't care , I will hold my hand up and say I was not perfect but he cannot look himself in the mirror and say I did wrong he will live his life blaming me. I am happy in a wonderful relationship with a man who loves me for me . You will find the strength sending you lots of hugs xx