Does everyone have friends?

cheeswright

YOU are the biggest project you will ever undertake..and it sounds like you don’t yet know how to be happy. Probably not something you've even focussed time and attention on, people often get caught up in the symptoms of not being happy rather than the cause. I say this as I'm not sure friends will make you entirely happy , you sound like an introvert .
So ask yourself who do you want to meet and what for ?
Women..? then you could actually try dating sites.
People to share interests...? then you really need to choose a few things that genuinely interest you and go there.
Self improvement ? giving back to the community, learning...try to choose ones that allow you to communicate with others as well if you want to be open to chatting and making friends there, I mention this as you seemed to jump at the idea of running, which can be a very solitary sport ..walking however is ideal for chatting - but not if it doesn’t interest you.

So your homework is to make a list of things you like to do alone .
Things you would like company to do.

and that will at least give you a starting point...and don’t you dare put a single thing on the list you feel you ought to do, or is quite worthy, but not actually fun...
good luck

Mojisola

egoode wrote: »

Why do you think something's a bit off with you? Honestly everyone in the world is weird in some way you just need to embrace what's unique about yourself and find other people that like that about you and you like whatever is unique about them.

Absolutely! Change your thinking from "weird" to "unique" - you may find that it's your unique points that actually end up attracting good friends. Who wants to be boring?:)

fawd1

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

The only people still in touch with their school friends (more than about one or two) are those who didn't go to uni/ leave our area - from my school year. Quite sad really.

Outside of Facebook of course, everyone is friends on Facebook.

Why on earth is it sad to stay in touch with friends? You don't have to be in each others pockets to stay friends. My group of friends from school still see each other about 3 times a year, we somehow managed to still enjoy each others company despite every single one of us moving away from the area we grew up in for uni/ jobs. Out of six of us 3 left the country for a couple of years. You just make an effort or you don't. More fool those who don't. A good friend is priceless.

Buzzybee90

fawd1 wrote: »

Why on earth is it sad to stay in touch with friends? You don't have to be in each others pockets to stay friends. My group of friends from school still see each other about 3 times a year, we somehow managed to still enjoy each others company despite every single one of us moving away from the area we grew up in for uni/ jobs. Out of six of us 3 left the country for a couple of years. You just make an effort or you don't. More fool those who don't. A good friend is priceless.

This post makes no sense when quoting mine.

It's sad that people haven't stayed in touch...!

Though I'm not too bothered, the few friends I retain from school were always the best.

sax11

Same boat as the OP - just 20 years older

marisco_2

Scratcheddisc wrote: »

Although I do my best to talk to people at work, pretend to be 'normal' I suspect they can tell there's something a bit off with me.

People will think what they want to think. No matter how carefully you choose your words and mannerisms, there’s always a good chance they’ll be misinterpreted. Does this really matter in the grand scheme of things? To my mind, no not really. How others see you is not the most important thing. What really matters is how you see yourself. When you are making decisions and choices remember, what you think of yourself and your life is more important than what people think of you. Stay true to yourself and don't be ashamed of following your own path and doing what feels right.

We all have quirks and unique perspectives. The more relaxed you become with your own differences, the more comfortable you start to feel. In my view a friend is someone, with whom you should be able to be completely yourself with. It all starts with you though. You have to be able to love and appreciate all your qualities and strengths, before others can.

It is great to hear of all the positive steps forward you are putting in place. Well done OP.

jaylee3

I think many people hardly have any real, true friends, and I reckon many people hardly have any social life at all. But they would just not admit it, as they think it makes them look 'lonely' and 'sad.'

I don't have any actual friend(s) that I could trust implicitly, or go on holiday with, or that I could turn to for anything. But I do have work colleagues (3 I am 'fairly' close to, and who I go out with about once a month,) I get on OK with 3 or 4 of my neighbours, (but aren't in their pockets and we don't go into each others homes,) and I am close to several family members. Plus I have my husband of course. But nobody I would call a 'friend.'

I 'have' had friends over the years, but to be honest, most have let me down, it's often been me doing the chasing, and on several occasions, they have left the county, and simply not kept in touch.

To be honest, I have been let down so often by friends over the years, either treating me like crap, using me, or just losing touch, that I can't be bothered to get close to anyone anymore. As someone said earlier in the thread; 'friends' are over-rated and are quite often more trouble than they're worth.

There was always some kind of niggle or issue with almost every friend I ever had. I often found them quite jealous of things I had, jealous of my relationship with my husband, or they were flaky, or they would copy what I did/bought etc, (Sounds petty, but they did.)... And a couple were quite snide: like one friend was incensed when my husband surprised me with a trip to America for my 30th. She b1tched about it to EVERYONE.

And I must admit, I would not like someone coming to my house all the time, turning up unannounced, and demanding my time. And I certainly don't want neighbours as friends. For a start, I don't want someone thinking they can come in any time I am in the house, especially as I like my privacy and my 'me time,' and also it would be a nightmare if you fell out.

I prefer to be a lone wolf these days when it come to friends. If you're not close to people, then they can't let you down. That is why I keep people at arm's length and don't have actual 'friends.' Just friendly acquaintances.

I do envy people a bit though, who have a friend they have known since childhood and who they are still close to 25-30 years or more later. My nan (born 1920s) had friends that she knew from childhood, fifty years later! Also, she lived in the same house from the age of 28 (so the early 50s,) to when she died just over 10 years ago. Seems that along with homes for life and jobs for life; friends for life are rare too.

So I don't think anyone should be beating themselves up about having few - or no - friends, as I really think many people are in the same position. People move on a lot more these days, with moving around a lot, moving jobs, and moving abroad. People rarely keep in touch.

Fings ain't wot they used to be.

busiscoming2

OP you mentioned you like to run. A friend of mine has made a lot of new friends by doing parkruns (I see the photos on FB) http://www.parkrun.org.uk/ They seem to find a pub or cafe at the end of every meet

Amanda65

Another vote here for some voluntary work if you have the time outside of work commitments. Charities cry out for help and articulate, presentable young people are always a huge boost as quite often those involved have been involved for a very long time and someone who can help with social media etc. is welcomed with open arms. You can search here for opportunties based on your interests and area you live.

http://www.do-it.org.uk/

A great way of getting out to meet new people from all walks of life and also help your local community. Good luck

hazyjo

fawd1 wrote: »

Why on earth is it sad to stay in touch with friends? You don't have to be in each others pockets to stay friends. My group of friends from school still see each other about 3 times a year, we somehow managed to still enjoy each others company despite every single one of us moving away from the area we grew up in for uni/ jobs. Out of six of us 3 left the country for a couple of years. You just make an effort or you don't. More fool those who don't. A good friend is priceless.

Agree

Most of my best friends are girls I went to school with! The furthest away lives in Fife (and has done for over 20 years), the nearest is 2 miles up the road. Several inbetween that distance too. All still close (yes, outside of FB, ie real life!).

Jx