Does everyone have friends?

CreditCrunchie

I never had trouble making friends, but keeping them was hard as I suck at the usual small talk and things you have to do to lead people to think you're interested in them, i just can't abide having to make all that effort unless it's someone i really feel a "connection' with right from the start, which is very rare.

However I have built up a small circle of very close friends that are connected with my spirituality as we go to festivals and events together and share some core spiritual and ethical values. likewise through a fairly unusual hobby I have. These aren't necessarily people i would call if I were bored and wanted to go clubbing (which at your age you probably imagine you should be doing), but they are people whose eyes I can look into and know they accept me unconditionally

I can wholeheartedly recommend joining a club, taking up a hobby, going to festivals and events etc. You will meet interesting and likeminded people, and if nothing else will grow new talents and interests.

You can also research body language and non-verbal communication. Making friends is actually a very psychologically pre-programmed process. If you learn the process and work on putting it into practise at every opportunity, you will make friends.

As someone said above though it's quality over quantity. Treasure those souls you meet who you truly connect with, and make an effort to keep them in your life.

marisco_2

Tahlullah wrote: »

Note that I will probably deleted this post in the morning.

I found your post really insightful and useful. Please don't delete it

LondonGal

I have a few very good friends from university days, a brilliant wife, but otherwise have found friends to be over-rated. I know I have Aspergers Syndrome which means socialising can be difficult anyway, but this in itself has led to horrendous incidents of bullying from people who don't understand mental health issues.

I'd definitely go and see your GP and I'd ask if you can be referred to a psychologist for assessment. Pills and potions prescribed by psychiatrists (and GP's) may help alleviate some of the bad thoughts you're having which must be triggered by an element of depression, the psychologist may refer you to a psychiatrist, but better that way than pill popping which will only ever achieve about 10% of a recovery from any mental health issue like this.

Plenty of people are in the same boat, so don't feel isolated or 'a freak', you're not. You're just another human being going through life's trials and tribulations. Sadly for some, they can be gruelling and cruel at times.

Keep positive, seek help and keep posting here! Well done for taking this step, it's the hardest one to make.

Scratcheddisc

marisco wrote: »

A lot of people who feel this way, cant see a way forward, and have lost total hope. Yet such is your strength of character and desire to improve your life, that you have bravely come on here and sought help, with an issue that you recognise is restricting your happiness. I think that you could be suffering from depression, brought on by what sounds like a very difficult start to life, with issues that have never been properly addressed. I would urge you to contact your gp and seek professional help and support to start to overcome these.

As regards to making friends, can I ask about your lifestyle please? What opportunities do you create in order to be able to meet and mix with others? Do you have any interests you pursue? Are you into sport? Running and cycling clubs enable you to socialise with people in a very informal and relaxed way. Sorry for all the questions. Just trying to get a clear picture so as to be able to advise you further.

My GP said she thinks I have depression and prescribed me pills. Isn't depression a chemical imbalance? I think I suffer from the realisation that life is tough. I'm thinking about looking into something private.

I don't really create any opportunities, I suppose. Obviously, I can't expect to make friends if I don't make an effort to meet people. I find myself hanging around my house on Saturday afternoons doing nothing but thinking of what I can do to get out of this hole.

I have a gym membership, but I've never spoken to anyone there, and no one has spoken to me. The personal trainers lean against machines chatting up girls and everyone else seems focused on what they're doing. I forced myself to go to martial arts classes for a while, tried hard to get conversations going, but the people there were very different from me and it was a frustrating experience. Running club is a good idea. Thanks.

LondonGal

Depression is an imbalance of a chemical called seratonin in the brain. Whatever you think, it is wise to seek advice. If you notice, I suggested a psychologist as they treat without the pills which on the face of things sounds more like what you need.

Please remain open minded to the experts though, some get bad press, but there are many superb ones out there as well and they can gain an incredible insight into you and the way 'you work' without you even realising it.

marisco_2

Scratcheddisc wrote: »

Isn't depression a chemical imbalance?

I have heard it said that depression results from a chemical imbalance. The condition is very complex though. Depression has many possible causes, including faulty mood regulation by the brain, genetic vulnerability, stressful life events and medical problems. Several of these elements interact to bring on depression.

With this level of complexity, two people might have similar symptoms of depression, but the problem on the inside, and therefore what treatments will work best, may be entirely different.

marisco_2

Okay here is another idea. How much spare time do you have? Would you consider doing any voluntary work in a field that interests and stimulates you? Volunteering can be a great way for people of all ages to meet. By working together you build bonds with people, and you might meet someone who has a passion for the things you do (a common cause/interest if you like).

MrsD2014

won't let me post link but google Meetup.com, sure they'd be loads of groups locally

lostinrates

Tahlullah wrote: »

I also struggle with connecting with others on forums or websites, .

You might well FEEL that you have trouble in this area. But you don't.

Peater

I've not alot of empathy for your predicament, but i would suggest joining a club (kayaking, cycling etc) where you learn new skills in a group environment. In my experience it's a good way of meeting people who you'll have something in common with.