Does everyone have friends?

egoode

Scratcheddisc wrote: »

My GP said she thinks I have depression and prescribed me pills. Isn't depression a chemical imbalance? I think I suffer from the realisation that life is tough. I'm thinking about looking into something private.

I don't really create any opportunities, I suppose. Obviously, I can't expect to make friends if I don't make an effort to meet people. I find myself hanging around my house on Saturday afternoons doing nothing but thinking of what I can do to get out of this hole.

I have a gym membership, but I've never spoken to anyone there, and no one has spoken to me. The personal trainers lean against machines chatting up girls and everyone else seems focused on what they're doing. I forced myself to go to martial arts classes for a while, tried hard to get conversations going, but the people there were very different from me and it was a frustrating experience. Running club is a good idea. Thanks.

When I was a gym member I found no one really socialised there at all unless they were already friends outside of the gym and actually find them really unsocial places. However I've recently moved to a new area and have found a local group that meet in the park near me that walk/jog around the park and also do other exercises along the way. Even better is everyone has a coffee at the end and sits and chats so it is much more social than the gym. Have a look and see if there's anything similar in your area.

As for hanging around the house on a Saturday try and find something to do to force you out of the house. Whether it's going shopping for something you need, head to the movies, go for a run, etc. I know I can easily spend a weekend at home if I don't force myself to get out of the house so I've started setting a goal for myself to get out of the house at least once a day even if it's just for 5 mins to the local shop. I unfortunately don't have this problem just on the weekends as I also work from home a lot during the week. I realised I needed to force myself to get out when I realised I didn't leave my flat for 7 days!

Scratcheddisc

lostinrates wrote: »

Scratcheddisc,

With family issues?
I have a mantra. What happened to me before I was sixteen or at a push 18 is 'their fault' after that I messed it up, and made it, all by myself. This has worked very well for me. I still get angry about some of the 'childhood stuff' if pushed so try not to get pushed on it! I'm also proud of the things I achieved whilst a kid, and that was down in part to them too.

Thanks a lot for you reply. In regards to family issues, I don't know whether to feel relieved or worried that I can attribute some of my behaviour to childhood experiences. I only recently put the pieces together. It's not like I'm saying, "Oh my childhood was so rubbish, please feel sorry for me". I feel like the experiences have actually affected me and shaped me negatively. For example, sometimes I come in from work feeling very down and I won't feel like eating; I'll just go straight to bed. When I was in school quite often I'd come home and no-one would be home, and if there wasn't something simple to make for dinner, I'd just go to my room without eating. There are so many things that make sense now. Well, maybe it's just pointing the finger, but it makes sense to me.

MrsD2014 wrote: »

won't let me post link but google Meetup.com, sure they'd be loads of groups locally

I've signed up. There aren't any local groups, but there are quite a few in the next town.

FBaby wrote: »

Is the issue more about making friends, keeping them or both?
Firstly, you need to be in a position to meet people. You don't need to be the one to make all the moves, it can happen perfectly naturally. What you need though is show an open and friendly attitude so people will be drawn towards you. I have find that the best tool for this is to smile, smile and smaile. It makes you look happy and approachable.

You will then to take things naturally and don't expect too much from it. Go with the flow. Don't think whether people like you or not, either they do, or if they decide they don't, then they are not the friends you want.

They say that the best you can do is be yourself, however, I imagine that you instinctively (and understandibly) protect yourself and maybe don't show too much emotions to start with. It's ok to open up a little bit even if they are people you don't know well because it is by opening up, getting to know those people better and letting them know you better than you will develop the bonds that comes with friendship.

Well, the issue right now is making friends. The issue historically has been keeping them. I remember in school I had this friend who I just clicked with from day 1. One day this new guy started at school, and I thought it would be nice to invite him to hang around with us. Quickly, however, I became worried that this guy was going to steal my friend away from me. I found myself picking at things about him I didn't like, trying to convince my friend that he was weird. Eventually after many arguments the guy said something along the lines of, "I'm not going to hang around with you two anymore because he's (me) crazy." At the time I was like, "What a ludicrous thing to say, he's the crazy one". Now, though, I know that I was so terrified of being left alone that I did what I felt I had to do. More or less the same thing happened a couple of years later and this time I was left alone.

I'd like to thank everyone for their replies so far. Although I am a cry-baby who blames other people for his faults, I am making an effort to improve myself. I've signed up to meetup.com, was up late into the night looking into therapy (I think it would do me some good to at least say this stuff out loud, because there's no one else I can tell and I'm just thinking about it all the time).

Mojisola

Scratcheddisc wrote: »

I feel like the experiences have actually affected me and shaped me negatively. There are so many things that make sense now.

We are all influenced by our childhoods but those experiences don't have to dictate how we live the rest of our lives. Professional help in learning to let go of those experiences and starting to live life as you want would help you.

When life starts to feel difficult, remember you've got supportive virtual friends on here. Come and rant, if that will help.

Beckyy

I think it's going to be difficult for anybody to make friends if the opportunity isn't there. Work is a big one for it, some people have very sociable jobs and naturally make friends with co-workers where as others have the opposite type of job and it's more of a hindrance to potential friendships as they work alone or rarely see others in their line of work.

How is your job for making workmates etc.?

I think the longer you are without meeting new people the harder it gets, as someone who totally relocated to a new area with no job initially it made it very difficult for me to make friends and became harder as time went on as I had to really push myself out of my comfort zone in the end. Work was a big factor for me though as I ended up working with people a lot and didn't have a choice but to make friends with them!

hazyjo

Join a forum for something you're into. (eg cars in general or one type/classic, art, comics, Star Wars, writing, art/s, computers, films, music (any genre?), acting/actors, anything?

Very easy to meet new friends online. You don't have to 'socialise' as such, you're articulate, you can type, just join in! Often they'll have meets - go along! Not saying just have virtual friends, there will be things you can go along to! I've done it before and although sometimes some people don't communicate very much, everyone already sees themselves as friends (and usually you all have a common interest).

Give it a try...

Jx

Scratcheddisc

Beckyy wrote: »

How is your job for making workmates etc.?

I suppose there's a lot chatting and stuff, but hardly anyone from work hangs around with each other outside of work. Although I do my best to talk to people at work, pretend to be 'normal' I suspect they can tell there's something a bit off with me.

Anyway, I've joined a group on Meetup (membership pending, actually) and I'll see how that goes. It's scary but sort of exciting at the same time to take positive steps.

I really can't stress enough how much I appreciate people just being nice to me.

lostinrates

I lost a post earlier but essentially mojisola said what I wanted to say.

So, knowing you are in control of your future, I ask in a friendly manner,

What's for supper tonight scratched disc?

lindens

I also say go for like minded people either online or real life. If you really have no hobbies and /or interests - is there something youve always wanted to try ? moroccan cookery-photography - bird watching - scrapbooking? Maybe look for a local college course and learn it.

newcook

if you dont fancy going to pubs on your own, try your local social club! Im a member of one and they are great for meeting new people - as a woman, I find it a little daunting to go into a pub on my own where as at my social club I dont mind at all as they are all members there so its not strange faces all the time.

mine also has various different groups such as darts, pool, crown green bowls, cribbage etc - yours may have something similar!

egoode

Scratcheddisc wrote: »

I suppose there's a lot chatting and stuff, but hardly anyone from work hangs around with each other outside of work. Although I do my best to talk to people at work, pretend to be 'normal' I suspect they can tell there's something a bit off with me.

Why do you think something's a bit off with you? Honestly everyone in the world is weird in some way you just need to embrace what's unique about yourself and find other people that like that about you and you like whatever is unique about them.