Does everyone have friends?

Scratcheddisc

I'm a young man (early 20s), gainfully employed, not bad looking, think I have a decent enough head on my shoulders, don't have any particularly odd interests or habits,I can laugh and usually go out of my way to generally be a nice chap.

Reads like I should be a person to be envious of; however, I know that I most certainly am not. I don't have ANY friends (that is not an exaggeration and it pains me to even write it down), haven't had anything resembling a girlfriend in almost 10 years, and to be honest most nights when I go to sleep I almost hope that I don't wake up again. Maintaining a facade of contentedness, covering up sadness and loneliness, is difficult. The prospect of facing life by myself is terrifying.

I am pretty sure that I have serious issues. Abandonment issues (probably the fundamental reason that I am unable to have relationships), daddy issues, mummy issues and the rest, get your violins out, etc. Do I feel sorry for myself? Yes. Am I a cry-baby? Yes, in private. I wonder if I should see someone about these problems? A psychologist, a psychiatrist, a life coach?

The other thing I wonder is how people make friends. Has anyone else felt like this and managed to turn things around?

Top_Girl

Was lucky enough to meet my lobster, friends wise, in high school. Have picked up several along the way.

However, seven of my closest friends [of which there are 9], I met online, four through OU. Never actually met one of them, but spent extensive time with the others, weekends away etc, met them on forums of shared interests or through further education. I know I can go to these people with anything and everything and they will be fine.

Google things you like and take it from there.

Buzzybee90

Scratcheddisc wrote: »

I'm a young man (early 20s), gainfully employed, not bad looking, think I have a decent enough head on my shoulders, don't have any particularly odd interests or habits,I can laugh and usually go out of my way to generally be a nice chap.

Reads like I should be a person to be envious of; however, I know that I most certainly am not. I don't have ANY friends (that is not an exaggeration and it pains me to even write it down), haven't had anything resembling a girlfriend in almost 10 years, and to be honest most nights when I go to sleep I almost hope that I don't wake up again. Maintaining a facade of contentedness, covering up sadness and loneliness, is difficult. The prospect of facing life by myself is terrifying.

I am pretty sure that I have serious issues. Abandonment issues (probably the fundamental reason that I am unable to have relationships), daddy issues, mummy issues and the rest, get your violins out, etc. Do I feel sorry for myself? Yes. Am I a cry-baby? Yes, in private. I wonder if I should see someone about these problems? A psychologist, a psychiatrist, a life coach?

The other thing I wonder is how people make friends. Has anyone else felt like this and managed to turn things around?

I understand, I have a group of good lifelong friends, but all but one live 100s of miles away in my home town. Our parents all made friends when we were babies at play group and I honestly think that's how a lot of people make friends, especially if they've moved.

SailorSam

If you read previous threads on here you'll find plenty asking the best way to make new friends. And there are threads started 'cos so many feel all alone in life. Often it's 'cos people have moved to a new area and as you get older it seems harder to meet new people and make friendships.
Children seem to make friends easier than adults. A child will just walk up to another and ask straight out ....... 'Can i be your friend'
Then it carries on into school and perhaps Uni, it's only when you start work that things start to change. I'm surprised if you're only in your early 20s that you're not still in touch with the friends you made in school.

Mojisola

Scratcheddisc wrote: »

I am pretty sure that I have serious issues. Abandonment issues (probably the fundamental reason that I am unable to have relationships), daddy issues, mummy issues and the rest, get your violins out, etc. Do I feel sorry for myself? Yes. Am I a cry-baby? Yes, in private. I wonder if I should see someone about these problems?

Yes. Start by talking to your GP.

Buzzybee90

SailorSam wrote: »

If you read previous threads on here you'll find plenty asking the best way to make new friends. And there are threads started 'cos so many feel all alone in life. Often it's 'cos people have moved to a new area and as you get older it seems harder to meet new people and make friendships.
Children seem to make friends easier than adults. A child will just walk up to another and ask straight out ....... 'Can i be your friend'
Then it carries on into school and perhaps Uni, it's only when you start work that things start to change. I'm surprised if you're only in your early 20s that you're not still in touch with the friends you made in school.

The only people still in touch with their school friends (more than about one or two) are those who didn't go to uni/ leave our area - from my school year. Quite sad really.

Outside of Facebook of course, everyone is friends on Facebook.

mountainofdebt

Well I'm 47 and I honestly say that I have only 1 friend that I could ring at any time of the day or night and she would be there for me.

Netwizard

I too only have a handful of friends. I actually like it that way. Quality over Quantity. Ive been screwed over by so called friends in the past, so its better to have a few good ones than lots of crap ones!

Do you go on work do's or nights out? Ive met one or two of my best friends at work.

marisco_2

Scratcheddisc wrote: »

to be honest most nights when I go to sleep I almost hope that I don't wake up again.

A lot of people who feel this way, cant see a way forward, and have lost total hope. Yet such is your strength of character and desire to improve your life, that you have bravely come on here and sought help, with an issue that you recognise is restricting your happiness. I think that you could be suffering from depression, brought on by what sounds like a very difficult start to life, with issues that have never been properly addressed. I would urge you to contact your gp and seek professional help and support to start to overcome these.

As regards to making friends, can I ask about your lifestyle please? What opportunities do you create in order to be able to meet and mix with others? Do you have any interests you pursue? Are you into sport? Running and cycling clubs enable you to socialise with people in a very informal and relaxed way. Sorry for all the questions. Just trying to get a clear picture so as to be able to advise you further.

Scratcheddisc

SailorSam wrote: »

I'm surprised if you're only in your early 20s that you're not still in touch with the friends you made in school.

I've inadvertently pushed away every friend I've ever had. I want people to like me so much that I think of reasons why they don't like me, and it leads to awful, paranoid thoughts.

Mojisola wrote: »

Yes. Start by talking to your GP.

I've already done that. She's a very nice lady. Hit me with some pills and said she'd arrange for some organisation to contact me, which didn't happen. I appreciate GPs are very busy, though. I think it's something I'll have to source myself.

Netwizard wrote: »

I too only have a handful of friends. I actually like it that way. Quality over Quantity. Ive been screwed over by so called friends in the past, so its better to have a few good ones than lots of crap ones!

Do you go on work do's or nights out? Ive met one or two of my best friends at work.

Heh. It would be nice to have any kind of friend at all! I've been on a few nights out, had fun. There's a big age gap between me and virtually all of them, however. Plus I've created a bit of a false-personality at work.

Thanks for all your replies.

Anatidaephobia

Scratcheddisc wrote: »

I've already done that. She's a very nice lady. Hit me with some pills and said she'd arrange for some organisation to contact me, which didn't happen. I appreciate GPs are very busy, though. I think it's something I'll have to source myself.

Keep going back to your GP and discuss it with her again. Tell her that you haven't heard from the organisation yet. The thing about GP's and talking therapies (and anything to do with mental health, really) is that they are often slow to prescribe certain types of therapy but if you keep going back and telling them that you need it, you will get it eventually.