Thanking someone for a gift

TBagpuss

Idiophreak wrote: »

I don't really see the value in your quoting that one sentence of mine out of context and disagreeing with it.

The rest of that post makes clear that I do thank people in person and was speaking specifically about people wanting to be thanked with a note.

Er, no. It wasn't clear at all that you were only speaking about notes. It read that you were saying you will thank people if you happen to see them OR if they specifically tell you it is of importance to them, - not that you normally thank people verbally but will do so in writing if that is what they tell you they prefer.

If you read my full response you will see that I made clear that it is the failure to thank someone at all which is rude, not the format you do it in, so if you do thank people in some way each time, then we are in agreement, but that was not clear from your post.

maman

maman wrote: »

It makes me angry too when gifts aren't acknowledged. I was brought up to send thank you notes and I'm delighted that my DDs do the same. I accept that phone calls/texts/emails have taken over to an extent but I still prefer a handwritten letter or card.


The vast majority of my nieces and nephews behave exactly like this. Like others have said, we stop gifts at 18 except for significant birthdays.


Strangely enough I was only thinking today that we haven't received a thank you for a large amount of John Lewis vouchers we gave to a nephew for his wedding in February or a cheque we sent to a niece for a significant birthday. The cheque was only a couple of weeks ago so there's still time there.


The reason I mention these is that my conclusion was that although I'm disappointed with these two for not saying thank you it won't stop me giving gifts. I know what I'm doing is the right thing, the fact they don't have the same manners is their problem.


Of course, the fact you can't afford it is another matter OP. As it's bothering you I'd have a word with your brother.

Delighted to report that a lovely thank you card arrived today from said nephew and his new wife. So it took them almost four months....it's the thought that counts.:D

picklekin

Erg, I specifically tell my sister when I give my niece and nephew thing that I am more than happy NOT to receive thank you cards. It is a horrible memory from my childhood, being forced by my mother to sit down with a set of notelets having to write out meaningless thank you cards. They followed a generic pattern of "thank you for the book I will enjoy reading it" etc.

I give gifts to please and delight, not force hours of card writing boredom! Granted, when they are older it might be nice to get a text, but only if they wanted to.

Pyxis

maman wrote: »

Delighted to report that a lovely thank you card arrived today from said nephew and his new wife. So it took them almost four months....it's the thought that counts.:D

A-ha! Perhaps one of them is an MSE member and read this thread!!!:rotfl:

Mojisola

picklekin wrote: »

Erg, I specifically tell my sister when I give my niece and nephew thing that I am more than happy NOT to receive thank you cards.

If I was your sister, I would still be teaching my children that it's a good thing to thank people when they give you a present even if it's just a quick "thank you" on the phone from a toddler.

maman

picklekin wrote: »

Erg, I specifically tell my sister when I give my niece and nephew thing that I am more than happy NOT to receive thank you cards. It is a horrible memory from my childhood, being forced by my mother to sit down with a set of notelets having to write out meaningless thank you cards. They followed a generic pattern of "thank you for the book I will enjoy reading it" etc.

I give gifts to please and delight, not force hours of card writing boredom! Granted, when they are older it might be nice to get a text, but only if they wanted to.

I respect that's your opinion but don't agree. The cards may have been meaningless to you but maybe the people who gave the gifts liked receiving them. and appreciated the effort you'd made to say thank you.

Arthog

As we have got older, we've got more and more fed up about not being thanked after we have sent carefully-chosen gifts, and money. Last year we even had to ring up to ask whether one parcel had actually arrived! It was so disappointing - we really enjoyed choosing something they wanted.
Talking about it to friends, it is bothering quite a lot of people!
All that is needed is a small card and a line saying thank-you, and another line to say what they'll do with the money etc. How hard is that?
We now stop giving if we are not thanked! Two young ladies who finally thanked us for their 2012 Christmas gifts and cash at the end of January, and still have not thanked us for their 2013 gifts and cash, will find that there will not be any gifts and cash for Christmas 2014!
If it is mentioned, we'll say that we didn't hear from them so assumed that they weren't bothered!

hazyjo

My nephew's 19th birthday today. I've often given around £30 for birthdays, often up to £50 if more flush. I'm giving £25 today and am begrudging every penny. I am skint at the mo, everything seems to have come at once, and he's swanning round in a car 4 years newer (2010) than mine which (my mum bought him!!!!). And she pays his tube travel each month(!!!!), and he's spoilt to the point of snobbery. He looks down on his dad and they don't get on, and some of the things my mum tells me would make you gasp.

I offered to buy aftershave this time (as there are some good deals around so I thought I might get away with a cheaper present instead of cash this year) and my sis replied with 'don't mean to sound ungrateful but could he have the cash as you know what a snob he is and the aftershave he has his eye on in Harrods is way over £100'.

I kid ye not.

He's the only student I know with thousands in the bank, no debt, and a lifestyle most only dream about... He does work at weekends/holidays so I don't think he should be getting things paid for at all!!!! Let him learn the value of money (and that doesn't mean spending hundreds on a bag or coat like he has done!!!!).

Never used to bother me, but I am starting to get niggled to the point of it resulting in a bit of a family rift which I am desperate to avoid.

His sisters are 14 so it's hard to stop buying for him and still buy for them. We're quite a close family (although I'm not 'friendly close' with my sister) so I really am biting my tongue. I've made a couple of comments to mum recently but I don't want her to think I'm actually upset about it as she tries very hard to be nothing but fair.

Anyway, sorry to hog, I'm just sitting here wound up today, saw this post at the top of the board again, and thought I'd join in the rant lol.

Oh, and I'm not hugely likely to get a thank you as he'll probably think £25 is peanuts. Will keep you informed. Texted for his bank details 20 mins ago, so let's see if he replies. Maybe I'll get out of it that way... he prob won't even notice.

Jx

Mojisola

hazyjo wrote: »

My nephew's 19th birthday today. I've often given around £30 for birthdays, often up to £50 if more flush. I'm giving £25 today and am begrudging every penny.

I'd definitely go with the "no presents after 18" with him.

toniq

Text brother: Hi something has been bothering me and I don't want to fall out with you as I love your dearly, When I send a gift to niece I have never rec'd a thanks in any way from her and it is upsetting as I feel she is not grateful for what she receives from me as she has never acknowledged any gratitude. Sorry if this comes across odd but it is just how I feel and I'd rather tell you than feel upset over it.