Thanking someone for a gift

maman

It makes me angry too when gifts aren't acknowledged. I was brought up to send thank you notes and I'm delighted that my DDs do the same. I accept that phone calls/texts/emails have taken over to an extent but I still prefer a handwritten letter or card.


The vast majority of my nieces and nephews behave exactly like this. Like others have said, we stop gifts at 18 except for significant birthdays.


Strangely enough I was only thinking today that we haven't received a thank you for a large amount of John Lewis vouchers we gave to a nephew for his wedding in February or a cheque we sent to a niece for a significant birthday. The cheque was only a couple of weeks ago so there's still time there.


The reason I mention these is that my conclusion was that although I'm disappointed with these two for not saying thank you it won't stop me giving gifts. I know what I'm doing is the right thing, the fact they don't have the same manners is their problem.


Of course, the fact you can't afford it is another matter OP. As it's bothering you I'd have a word with your brother.

Mojisola

maman wrote: »

It makes me angry too when gifts aren't acknowledged. I was brought up to send thank you notes and I'm delighted that my DDs do the same. I accept that phone calls/texts/emails have taken over to an extent but I still prefer a handwritten letter or card.

As long as someone has made an effort to say thanks, I don't mind if it's a text, phone call, etc.

It's a balance between the giver not giving just to be thanked and the receiver not feeling so entitled to the gift that they don't have to say thank you.

Idiophreak

maman wrote: »

I was brought up to send thank you notes .... the fact they don't have the same manners is their problem.

It seems your manners are a function of your upbringing. If other people haven't been brought up with the same values, it's not exactly "their problem", is it?

Maybe the "problem" is actually how you perceive people with different values to your own? Afterall, if everyone was the same, life would be a very boring world.

Mojisola

Idiophreak wrote: »

Maybe the "problem" is actually how you perceive people with different values to your own? Afterall, if everyone was the same, life would be a very boring world.

I know all families don't do a written thank you but isn't it very basic manners to thank someone in some way if they've given you a present?

If a person doesn't say thank you for a gift, don't they thank anyone, or is it just that they don't bother with the people who they think should be giving them presents?

Georgiegirl256

The thing is, wether you've been brought up to write thank you notes/call or not, no one over a certain age should need to be told to thank people....if you've been brought up with good manners, then surely it's only polite?

Idiophreak

Mojisola wrote: »

I know all families don't do a written thank you but isn't it very basic manners to thank someone in some way if they've given you a present?

If a person doesn't say thank you for a gift, don't they thank anyone, or is it just that they don't bother with the people who they think should be giving them presents?

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

The thing is, wether you've been brought up to write thank you notes/call or not, no one over a certain age should need to be told to thank people....if you've been brought up with good manners, then surely it's only polite?

I was replying to maman's post, which was specifically about thank you notes, not just about saying thank you.

I agree that the "basic manners" of saying thank you is a different issue, but I'd view notes differently...as it's just not something some people with perfectly good manners do.

Personally, I prefer saying thank you in person as a) it's what I was raised to do and b) it's more....personal.

...but I wouldn't look down on anyone who sent a note, or think they had some kind of "problem".

ETA: I've worked out how to say what I meant more succinctly:

Saying thank you for a gift is manners.
Sending a thank you note is etiquette.

Bella73

To be honest I think it is rude to not say thank you.

You either say it to their face when they give you gift or at the very least send a text/email/phone to say thank you otherwise I only tend to write a thank you for formal presents such as when we got married I wrote out thank you cards to everyone for attending/and gift if they gave one.

My niece and nephews used to do letters when they were small but now send a text which is fine as they have acknowledged the gift/money whatever.

They went through a stage of not saying thank you so I didn't send anything but a card for their next birthday. Nothing was said but then we are the "poor" relations so they probably just thought we were skint at the time.

Mojisola

Idiophreak wrote: »

ETA: I've worked out how to say what I meant more succinctly:

Saying thank you for a gift is manners.
Sending a thank you note is etiquette.

Perfectly put!

Completely agree with what you say.

Georgiegirl256

Idiophreak wrote: »

I was replying to maman's post, which was specifically about thank you notes, not just about saying thank you.

I agree that the "basic manners" of saying thank you is a different issue, but I'd view notes differently...as it's just not something some people with perfectly good manners do.

Personally, I prefer saying thank you in person as a) it's what I was raised to do and b) it's more....personal.

...but I wouldn't look down on anyone who sent a note, or think they had some kind of "problem".

ETA: I've worked out how to say what I meant more succinctly:

Saying thank you for a gift is manners.
Sending a thank you note is etiquette.

It was more in response to those who say that they don't even say thank you in any form.

I wouldn't look down on anyone who didn't write thank you notes either. Tbh I don't really do it myself anymore, but I always pop round and thank them face to face or phone them. I think the last thank you notes I sent was in thanks for wedding presents.

ETA: Your last couple of sentences sums it up perfectly I think.

Buzzybee90

Yes I always thank everyone, be it via card, text, phone call, email or in person.

I was a little upset that I put so much effort into a present (which was actually quite expensive for me) and I didn't get a thank you, even at the time I thanked them!