Thanking someone for a gift

SallyPepper

Mojisola wrote: »

I'd be tempted to put an empty envelope in this year's bag of chocs and spend the money on a couple of self-assertion classes.

I love this.

I agree, I need some lessons. But I can't afford them as I have to spend all my money on blasted presents!

BigAunty

For Christmas one year, my brother's gift to me was the champagne I'd bought him the year before! I think it was his way of saying that he only drinks 'branded' champagne like Moet (though this was actually a highly prize winning one from Majestic). This rudeness left me open jawed.

I now dont bother to buy him a birthday gift and his xmas gift is now a bottle of cheap spirits.

I also withdrew from our annual early Xmas family meal when my partner and I would travel down south from Scotland every year to have a meal with our parents, siblings and nieces/nephews.

He and SIL pulled out when they didn't get their choice of venue - they wanted to go for a curry whereas as my sister had found a child friendly pub with a xmas menu that everyone else was happy with. I thought 'why am I shelling out £150 on train fares and travelling the length of the country when he can't be bothered to go down the road to a local pub?'.

He also didn't come to a party to celebrate my partner's key birthday and so due to his anti-social tenancies, I have also decided not to attend any further parties that invites me to.

Seriously, life is too short to play politics with family - if in doubt,withdraw.

SallyPepper

HPoirot wrote: »

SallyPepper I don't see how your niece is in the wrong, it is her dad who seems to be scrounging money off you for her presents. Honestly, I can't ever imagine a parent going asking for money for their child's presents before they are even asked what the child wanted. By the same token, your brother has never taught your niece to say thank you to family, I bet she doesn't even know it is a "done" thing. The only person you should be peeved at is your brother for behaving like a spoilt brat towards you and if I were you I would be saving a few choice retorts the next time he comes along with his begging bowl.

I totally agree that it is my brother who needs a good talking to.
My husband could not believe it when he asked.
I just wish I was strong enough to say something. I think it is because I have no other family and am scared of having no one so I suppose I just put up with anything.
I really need those self assertion lessons recommended by Mojisola!

Idiophreak

TBagpuss wrote: »

I don't think people should have to tell you they like being thanked. It is basic good manners to thank someone when they give you a gift, and it is pretty rude to correct someone else's manners, so it would be rude for someone to tell you, an adult, that you ought to be thanking them.

I don't really see the value in your quoting that one sentence of mine out of context and disagreeing with it.

The rest of that post makes clear that I do thank people in person and was speaking specifically about people wanting to be thanked with a note.

Mojisola

SallyPepper wrote: »

My husband could not believe it when he asked.
I just wish I was strong enough to say something.

Then get your OH to have a word with your brother.

carefullycautious

SallyPepper wrote: »

I did think of the "stop at 18 thing" but he keeps buying for mine and mine are older.
TBH I would prefer no more gifts thing and I wish I had thought of it before now.
I think what is stopping me is that I am the only one on his side of the family and his wife had a load of relatives and I think it would make him feel like no one cared about his daughter.

I just told the family that I did not want to receive or buy any more gifts, so stopped some time ago. Like you most of the time there was no feedback as to if the gift was ok or not. I just got totally fed up of spending money on crap to be honest.

HPoirot

SallyPepper wrote: »

I totally agree that it is my brother who needs a good talking to.
My husband could not believe it when he asked.
I just wish I was strong enough to say something. I think it is because I have no other family and am scared of having no one so I suppose I just put up with anything.
I really need those self assertion lessons recommended by Mojisola!

I can't find a less blunt way of saying this, but a doormat always finds itself alone and lonely after it has been trundled to the ground. Please reflect on this. You really need those lessons!

SallyPepper

Well I have listened to everyone, and I agree, I need to say something. However, I don't feel able to say anything unless brother brings it up.
I have decided to give niece a present with a card in which I will "forget" to put any money in.
I know he will say something.
So, I would like to make reference to her taking both envelopes last Christmas and then when I realise my error I will give him her some money. But how do I say something without causing a row and having a nervous breakdown?

Pyxis

Perhaps just laugh and say 'oh, we ended up giving her two lots at Christmas by mistake, didn't we! So she got her birthday present well in advance!' Laugh, laugh! 'Silly old us!'

Idiophreak

SallyPepper wrote: »

Well I have listened to everyone, and I agree, I need to say something. However, I don't feel able to say anything unless brother brings it up.
I have decided to give niece a present with a card in which I will "forget" to put any money in.
I know he will say something.
So, I would like to make reference to her taking both envelopes last Christmas and then when I realise my error I will give him her some money. But how do I say something without causing a row and having a nervous breakdown?

*sigh* there's really not much need for the game playing...just use your words.

This whole thing would have been avoided if you'd spoken up at Christmas and said "I think we may have given her two lots of money by accident...can you check, please?"

It's too late to take that back, but you can just tell your brother how you feel and take it from there.