Long term singleton

firebird082

AubreyMac wrote: »

If someone has been single for a long time, say 5 years or more, would you question what is wrong with them?

If someone got to a certain age say, 35, and have never had a serious relationship do you think that weird?

Would any of those situations put you off someone?

Absolutely not for the first - I had only had 1 long term (ish) relationship at around 18 before I met my OH at 30. There were all sorts of reasons for that, and it just takes some of us a long time to meet Mr or Mrs Right! (and in the meantime, we're not willing to settle for "Ok", which what I suspect serial daters do in order not to be alone). Incidentally, I'm pretty sure (though I've never asked) that my OH hadn't ever had a serious relationship before he met me, but there's nothing wrong with him!

If any of those details are going to put anyone off, they're not worth the bother.

Izadora

I wouldn't find someone having been single for a long time odd at all - seeing as I'd been pretty much single for about 10 years when I was 35 it'd be a bit hypocritical if I did...

Yes, there might be dubious reasons behind someone never having had a long term relationship or they might just have been happy enough as they were but I don't think most people would consider there was something wrong with you for choosing to stay single rather than settling for whoever came along.

Toucan_Pecan

DO NOT feel inadequate for not having been in a LTR or even a few short term ones. Only someone abusive would pick on you for that. My ex for example, would claim the reason I wouldn't do everything he told me to do was because I did not know how to "compromise" and be in a long term relationship. He's just joker who sponges off and controls women and I am so happy I am rid of him. Anyone who obsesses about your relationship history has issues themselves that they need to resolve without bringing you into it.

loveabargain13

tykesi wrote: »

Going to watch this thread with interest, the OP describes my situation almost perfectly.

I've never been too bothered about what other's opinions of me being single are but it will be interesting to find out what people on here think about it!

Me too! I don't care.... my Gran does keep getting on my nerves though asking when I'm going to get a boyfriend!

tea_lover

A good friend of mine has recently (last yr or so) got together with a lovely guy. We're both 35 and until this guy she'd always been single. We met at uni and in all the time I've known her she'd had maybe 2 or 3 dates, nothing that would be termed a relationship.

It never struck me as odd, never struck me as anything really iyswim.

BabyBoots

I would certainly prefer a partner of mine to have had fewer rather than more exes, it makes them seem more discerning and genuine in their feelings.

My extremely good looking, intelligent, witty, creative, adventurous and thoughtful best friend is 34 and has been single for far longer than that. There is certainly nothing "wrong" with my best friend, and I think any future date would think themselves very lucky indeed!

angeltreats

I think it depends entirely on the person as to whether long term singleness should be a problem for a potential partner.

I have two male friends who have been single for a long time.

One is 38, has had a few dalliances with ladies but nothing serious and honestly I don't know why he's single other than he's possibly too laid back to pursue a lady and is just quite content with whatever life brings. He is a lovely lovely guy in every way and would be a great catch for someone, would treat them impeccably and is fantastic company. I will probably be secretly a bit jealous of whatever girl he ends up with.

The other is 35, has never had a girlfriend of any kind, a few first dates from internet dating that have never progressed to a second, and has admitted after a few drinks to being a virgin. He has a rather unfortunate personality it has to be said - nice bloke but just very annoying and a bit much to take in anything other than small doses - I go out of my way to be kind to him and have tried to help him with writing his internet dating profile and suggesting clothes he could buy to look a bit smarter (only when he's actually asked for help) but he does tend to be the butt of many jokes of friends and workmates. I'm sure there is someone out there for everyone but I can't imagine who his "someone" would be. It doesn't help matters that his "type" is blonde, size 8 and age 20-25 and refuses to be a bit more realistic.

If you met friend number 1, you would probably find it odd that he'd been single for so long but only because he is so lovely. I doubt very much anyone would find it offputting. If you met friend number 2 it would be quite obvious why he remains single, and it wouldn't be his perpetually single status that would put you off wanting a relationship with him.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that there are all sorts of reasons why someone would be single. If I was single, I think relationship history would be the last thing that would worry me unless there was a bunny boiler ex somewhere in the picture.

trollopscarletwoman

BabyBoots wrote: »

My extremely good looking, intelligent, witty, creative, adventurous and thoughtful best friend is 34 and has been single for far longer than that. There is certainly nothing "wrong" with my best friend, and I think any future date would think themselves very lucky indeed!

What an endorsement!

If I was single I'd like a piece of that cake.

No matter what the gender!

sportbeth

I'm intrigued by other peoples views on this thread as well. I'm between 35 and 40, been single for two and a half years since my marriage broke up. I've done online dating on and off but in truth, I'm so happy with everything else going on (career, friends, hobbies etc) that I have turned a few men down to be honest.

A single girlfriend and I were commenting the other night about how hard it is to meet someone at our age. With the prevalence of online dating, people think they have so much choice out there. Go on one date, see one tick box that you don't like and you can go straight back online the next day and start looking again! I'm guilty of that and a few I've dated have been guilty of that.

I met a guy a couple of months back that I thought was perfect. Similar interests, got on like a house on fire, lived close to each other, both career types, etc etc. he then got a bit distant in the early days, went quiet, I didn't know what was going on then I saw him one night on the train with a lady on his arm just as I had been two weeks earlier. A month down the line and he's now texting me all the time asking me to go for a drink with him. I'm just not interested after that. I'll lick my wounds and return to dating in a few months but I'd rather spend tomorrow night with friends who I know I can have a great time with.

It's a complex world out there and people have got used to asking too many questions. I say go with your gut. Not being in a relationship isn't a sign of failure, I see it as a learning curve and I would respect that in anyone I met.

CC-Warrior

AubreyMac wrote: »

If someone has been single for a long time, say 5 years or more, would you question what is wrong with them?

If someone got to a certain age say, 35, and have never had a serious relationship do you think that weird?

Would any of those situations put you off someone?

I'm in my late thirties and have never been married or lived with anyone and have received a few comments to suggest that there's obviously something wrong with me.

I know this not to be the case but I think society definitely favours couples, "settling down", families etc as you get older. I think some employers see married people as more stable and less risk.

I think it's bs and everyone is different.