Long term singleton

AubreyMac

If someone has been single for a long time, say 5 years or more, would you question what is wrong with them?

If someone got to a certain age say, 35, and have never had a serious relationship do you think that weird?

Would any of those situations put you off someone?

19lottie82

Maybe. Maybe not.

I had had a few flings, but no real "long term" relationship until I got together with my OH when I was 28.

The reasons were, I think...

1) I was quite picky. Not in the sense that I was waiting for someone rich / v handsome, but if there was no chemistry, then I wasn't really interested. All the guys I seemed to fancy were bad boy / idiots.

2) I had kind of an on / off friends with benefits situation with someone that I was pretty hung up on for almost 9 years and looking back, I think that stopped me "moving on", so to speak.

tykesi

Going to watch this thread with interest, the OP describes my situation almost perfectly.

I've never been too bothered about what other's opinions of me being single are but it will be interesting to find out what people on here think about it!

Acc72

AubreyMac wrote: »

If someone has been single for a long time, say 5 years or more, would you question what is wrong with them?

If someone got to a certain age say, 35, and have never had a serious relationship do you think that weird?

Would any of those situations put you off someone?

What is the real question ?

Are you talking about yourself or a potential partner ?

If yourself - does it matter if some people you have never met from the internet think it is weird or not ?

If you are happy then carry on, if not then change what you are not happy with.

If you are asking about a potential partner - again, what does it matter etc. etc.

If you like a person, spend time with them - if you don't then don't.

DigForVictory

I know a lovely bloke (excellent cook!) who's technically on the market but is still bossed by his mother. While she has a pulse I don't think anyone realises there's a hidden gem, let alone that he is available.

Relate are known to work with unhappy couples, but they also work with unhappy singletons.

Bella73

Honestly....I've never thought about it.

As long as said person is happy then what's the problem, if they want to meet someone then maybe they need to out that plan into action but I don't find it weird no.

torbrex

AubreyMac wrote: »

If someone has been single for a long time, say 5 years or more, would you question what is wrong with them?
NO
If someone got to a certain age say, 35, and have never had a serious relationship do you think that weird?
NO
Would any of those situations put you off someone?
NO

As a single bloke of 54 and not been a serious relationship for over 30 years, are you saying there is something wrong with me? am I weird? does my situation put you off speaking to me?

and how would you even know if I didn't tell you that I was a long-time singleton?

Take each person that you meet at face value and progress from there, if after they reveal that they have been on their own for a long time then it is up to you how to progress, not them and if you choose to end it there, then it is you that is the weird one.

London50

No, I personally do not think these days it is strange. As a "silver surfer" I know many years ago it would have been thought that there was "something wrong" with a person {male or female} but these days I personally know of plenty of younger ones that have not wanted to think about a relationship for more than 10 years. Work commitments or furthering their working position has been their number one thoughts and with the working week now being {for many} 5/7, being able to easily strike up a relationship outside of it is far harder than it was when I was young

AubreyMac

Acc72 wrote: »

Are you talking about yourself or a potential partner ?

A bit of both.

My situation is that I’ve been single for 3.5 years and am happy. During that time, I don’t think my circumstances allowed for dating and at the moment it still wouldn’t. I can see myself being ready and available for a relationship in a couple of years time when I am more settled with my work and house. I will then be 35. I bear in mind it takes time to meet someone special so if I’m to stay single for a further decade then so be it. As I say, I’m happy being single so it wouldn’t scare me and I certainly wouldn’t take on just anyone.

What I look for in a partner is that I wouldn’t want them to have a lot of history or any ‘unfinished business’ in other words baggage. I understand that the older someone is, the less likely it is that they wouldn’t have a history and there may come a certain age when you’re wondering why it is or what’s wrong with them.

ska_lover

To be honest, If I was single and around that age - and then met someone who was in the circumstances you describe - Yes I would wonder why they had never had a serious relationship.

I would wonder if they had commitment issues etc. I am not saying that I would rule out a relationship with someone in those circumstances as it may well be that they had never met the right person or something as simple as that, so I wouldn't say it was a turn off, but I would wonder about it, yes.

Edited to add - Most people do accumulate baggage the further down lifes path they go - and will be difficult to meet someone in a set time scale with no baggage. Op, you sound like you are planning a relationship with someone you haven't even met, like one of those women who book and plan a wedding for five years time,and then meeting mr right is almost an afterthought to all their plans iyswim.

Life is what happens while you are busy making plans, and if you are so busy in planning everything to perfect detail....you are missing out on life -While you are planning, all the good ones could be getting snatched up and mr right getting away!

what if mr perfect comes on the scene whilst you are busy with your work and house? There are more important things than possessions.

marisco_2

All manner of life experiences can affect when a person starts or resumes dating. The scenarios you describe would not deter me from taking the time to get to know someone. It is only by doing this that you can determine if someone is compatible with you and if anything special could develop between you both.