Friend is getting boring

Legacy_user

I have been very good friends with this friend for 5 years now. We have been on holiday together and been on several day trips.

However, I am finding her boring. and I would like to know the best way to approach her with this with no offence.

She is 30 years older than me (62) and she cleans every other day, does 3 loads of washes per day and irons 95% of the washing. She watches the crap film on Five or a freeview channel and goes to bed watching tv at 7pm and going to sleep at 9-9:30pm.

All she talks about is the above and offers at cheap shops. I have suggested things to make her life easier such as cordless phones and does not want to know Then when we eat out, she always orders the same as me - apart from when I have ordered pasta.

She tells me things I already know about her dislikes of food.

I am running out of excuses of why I don't want to go out with her as I get more out of a day trip to another place without her. I always have some different to say, but with her she sounds like a broken record and she talks like its our first meet up. The last two calls she made to me I gained no further news from her.

In the few days between Christmas and NYD, she said that she has not received a birthday (birthday is 22nd Dec) or a Christmas card from certain friends. I suspect that they are getting bored of her as well. Unfortunately, I don't have any contact details for her other friends and cannot phone them up for asking their opinions about her change of behaviour/attitude.

If you had a friend that became boring, what would you do?

Lily-Rose_3

Why did you become friends in the first place? A 27 year old woman becoming close friends with a woman of nearly 60 seems odd. Maybe 'friendly casual acquaintances' who have a chat in the street, yes, but not 'friends.' You were obviously very good friends, if you went on holiday together.

I am 50 and have never ever had a close friend with more than a 5 to 10 year age gap: we just simply wouldn't have anything in common.

So how come you became friends? And if it's lasted 5 years, she must have been OK before.

System

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Why did you become friends in the first place? A 27 year old woman becoming close friends with a woman of nearly 60 seems odd. Maybe 'friendly casual acquaintances' who have a chat in the street, yes, but not 'friends.' You were obviously very good friends, if you went on holiday together.

I am 50 and have never ever had a close friend with more than a 5 to 10 year age gap: we just simply wouldn't have anything in common.

So how come you became friends? And if it's lasted 5 years, she must have been OK before.

Think because since she retired almost 2 years ago, she spends more time cleaning and other household tasks which many people including myself do once a week (cleaning). Noticed that she seems to care less about her friends for the past 6-8 months.

My mum has friends who are (or were as no longer around) 25 years older and younger than her.

elsien

ScarletMarble wrote: »

However, I am finding her boring. and I would like to know the best way to approach her with this with no offence.

Other than p1ssing her off big time and/or doing wonders for her self confidence, what exactly are you hoping to achieve by telling her how boring she is?
Friendships change over time, if this is one that you don't want to continue then let it go. Or try being a real friend and think a bit about her - maybe retirement has knocked her for 6 and she's doing all the cleaning because she doesn't know what to do with herself. My mother became depressed after she retired and got into a real rut, perhaps your friend is the same.
But approaching her about being boring without giving offence? Good luck with that one.

Georgiegirl256

ScarletMarble wrote: »

She is 30 years older than me (62) and she cleans every other day, does 3 loads of washes per day and irons 95% of the washing. She watches the crap film on Five or a freeview channel and goes to bed watching tv at 7pm and going to sleep at 9-9:30pm.

All she talks about is the above and offers at cheap shops.

And? What is wrong with the above exactly? Maybe that's what she enjoys doing.

You are 32, she is 62 of course it's likely that you've got different interests and different outlooks on life. She might look at what you do and think that YOU are boring.

I feel sorry for the poor woman actually if you think so little of her. Yes, friends grow apart and don't see each other anymore, but the way you talk about her is disrespectful....she'd be better off without you IMO.

onlyroz

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Why did you become friends in the first place? A 27 year old woman becoming close friends with a woman of nearly 60 seems odd. Maybe 'friendly casual acquaintances' who have a chat in the street, yes, but not 'friends.' You were obviously very good friends, if you went on holiday together.

I am 50 and have never ever had a close friend with more than a 5 to 10 year age gap: we just simply wouldn't have anything in common.

So how come you became friends? And if it's lasted 5 years, she must have been OK before.

I can't comment on this particular friendship, but one of my closest friends is double my age and is the same age as my mum. It's certainly not true that we have nothing in common.

To the OP - you wouldn't find a true friend boring.

Blackpool_Saver

And just what thrilling and exciting things do you do every day ?

JIL

Why would you tell her she is boring? What else would she be able to chat about if all she does is watch films, shop and clean? Is she happy with what she is doing? Perhaps you need to have a conversation about that. If she is you just need to accept her for what she is.
She sounds like my retired mother, she has had a busy day if the gas meter has been read. She tells me about all the bargains in each of the shops, goes into great detail of the neighbours sons new car. But she's happy in her own world.
People are different. If you don't want to see her again that's up to you. But what made her "one of your very good friends" in the first place.

Hermia

I have friends who are much younger/older than me. Age doesn't matter if you share interests.

I think your 'friend' sounds like she is struggling with retirement. I remember when I was unemployed I did more housework than usual and found myself watching stuff on TV I would never normally watch. I was just struggling with a new routine and less money. She sounds like she needs to join some clubs or something similar so she has something to think/talk about.

If you are sure you want to sever the relationship say that you have changed blah blah. It would so insulting to tell her or imply that she is boring and TBH surely every one of us must be boring to some people.

CC-Warrior

Maybe you could both go out and try something new together, try a dance class or enrol on a college course perhaps. It would give you both a joint interest and at the very least give you something to talk about if it's no good.

LondonGal

I hate writing things which are not pleasant, but what struck me most reading your post was you're not much of a friend to come on a national forum and complain about her.

You've clearly had a lot of time for her previously, so maybe you would benefit from exploring some new avenues, your friend can choose whether or not she joins you if you want to invite her along.

I agree age is irrelevant. I'm in my 50's and have people I would consider friends who are good friends with my daughter. Equally I have friends in their 80's who I'm happy to help out with what I can. I hope I'm lucky enough to have someone similar when I get to their age. My 17 year old daughter also adores this old lady and would do anything for her - just a 50ish year age gap, but definitely friends and I'm proud to have a daughter who's like that. :T:beer: