Friend is getting boring

Talukdar

Don't you have any other friends? It would be best of spend your most of the time with other friends. Otherwise you can talk to her and explain what is your problem. I hope she will understand.

yvonne13_2

Introduce her to your mum, problem solved.

HPoirot

Instead of going on about how boring she is, if you are a real friend you would try to make life more interesting for her. Why not suggest things she could do, clubs she could join etc? Why not take her out for some fun activities yourself? Bearing in mind she may not have much to live on hence talking about "offers at cheap shops". On the latter, maybe you could introduce her to this forum, she will find thousands of like-minded people here who would not jeer at her chit chat.

PeacefulWaters

I wake up, go to work, come home. Football at weekend. Oh, and an exciting trip to Tesco too to supplement my fascination with maximising value from reward schemes. Two weeks in the Costa Packet getting a tan and the occasional ageing rocker live in concert.

Life is, on the whole, unexciting. People are, on the whole, dull. But they have a goodness within that shouldn't be dismissed so easily.

Winding down a career, menopause, retirement, income drop and (maybe) loneliness needs friendship. Not dismissing and ignoring as boring. These are massive life changes. They could trigger stress, depression and misery.

Find a new joint interest with her. Board games, concert going, cheap weekend away etc. Stop looking for the faults though. We all have our failings, they're easy to find.

FBaby

Sounds like she retired and she is still adjusting to her new life which can be very boring and lonely when your previous life evolve very much around work. This can lead to some form of depression. Were you friends through work?
Unfortunately, it could very well be that you don't have much in common any longer and if your friendship was based on this, it is inevitable it will just die slowly. However, you need to think yourself whether you could be losing on the friendship of a great person. Maybe you could consider asking her how she is coping with retirement. She might be defensive at first, tell you that it is great due to pride or not wanting to moan, but maybe with time if you show that you care, she might open up about her feelings. If she is happy with her life, then you will need to accept that and just see her less often, stop going on holiday with her and maybe she can find new retired friends she has more in common with.

System

The thing is, if I suggest things, she does not want to know. I get more response from a brick wall. She does no hobbies. Sometimes I have phoned her asking her about going to shows of things she likes. She asks what day it's on. 'Oh that's my cleaning day'. The show start at 7:30pm. Why does she make that excuse? She could spend 9-4 cleaning. This is on days I finish work at 6pm.

I work full time and I enjoy reading books, watch films and going on long walks.

I do have other friends, but because I work weekends and live miles away, it's difficult to meet up with them - perhaps twice a year if lucky. Seeing two of these friends tomorrow as not working. Facebook has made things easier. My friend is a technophobe.

My mum is a little older than her and has spoken with her. She understands what I am feeling. As my friend cleans three times a week. My mum's response about her cleaning is OCD. For my mum to say things about people is rare. Plus my mum has hobbies, goes to places across the county to meet up with friends.

I wish my friend would actually stop cleaning, sit down and suggest things to her to maker life easier, more enjoyable, but she does not listen to any of this. Surely this means she is beyond the point of receiving help. If she wants to appreciate friendship from anyone, as well as me, she needs to listen to them.

If she continues the way she does, I can see her having a mental breakdown.

Why doesn't she listen and make petty excuses about cleaning? I am so tempted to say to her following her next excuse 'What's more important - cleaning or friendship?'

tea_lover

ScarletMarble wrote: »

As my friend cleans three times a week. My mum's response about her cleaning is OCD.

Your mum hasn't got a clue what she's talking about.

FBaby

But have you considered that maybe she is happy with her life? You can't force a friendship but Similarly you can't force her to change her lifestyle if it is not causing her issues. Maybe she is not listening because you come across as too forceful with your suggestions?

tillyenna

Firstly, as someone with clinically diagnosed OCD, it's not just 'cleaning all the time' - sorry, but your mum really shouldn't have said that. OCD is a mental illness, not something to be bandied about loosely.


Regarding your 'boring' friend - I'd love her lifestyle - that aside, perhaps suggest taking up a hobby with her - do the old 'I'd love to start doing this, but I don't think I'd keep it up on my own, would you do it with me?' crafting things might be good if she's not comfortable leaving her own home, you could go round and craft with her.

System

FBaby wrote: »

But have you considered that maybe she is happy with her life? You can't force a friendship but Similarly you can't force her to change her lifestyle if it is not causing her issues. Maybe she is not listening because you come across as too forceful with your suggestions?

I am never am forceful. She does not listen to anyone as bumped into her neighbour in the paper shop and the neighbour has noticed that she spend less and less time out. They used to go out every 2-3 weeks. Since this year, it was once and spent most of the time about talking about the ironing.