Friend is getting boring

Pyxis

I hate to say this, but maybe she is backing away from the friendship a little. If someone kept using cleaning as an excuse not to go out with me, I might suspect that they be letting me down gently!

System

The overall point is my friend does not want to get out of her routines, does not want listen to her friends. People are getting concerned for her as she is getting more reclusive. I see her DH more. I get on with him, but not to the point I can discuss 'I am concern with (wife's name)' or 'have you noticed anything different about her'

I want to help her before it's too late. But with somethings, I think it's too late such as the unwillingness to listen.

Thanks for the suggestions but as I staid in the OP she does not want to know about new ideas and things.

lazer

margaretclare wrote: »

I wish some of these 'obsessive cleaners' would come here. I'd willingly pay them. I hate housework. I quite like washing, seeing it blowing on the line in the sunshine, and when it piles up, I iron it.

There are only 2 of us here, no dogs or cats and no smokers, so IMHO the house does not get all that dirty. Even if it did, once a week would be fine. And I couldn't make housework into a topic of conversation.

I hate the idea of housework, but actually quite like it when i get started.

I never do ironing - hang the clothes on the line, then put them on the boiler, then fold and put away. If something needs ironed will do it before I wear it.

PS - if yopu would willingly pay someome - get a cleaner - worth every penny!

Pyxis

Ah, she has a husband? Is he retired, too?

There may be something going on there. Maybe he now doesn't like her to go out so much without him.

Maybe if they're now both retired, there's been a change of dynamics which has depressed her or put some obstacle in the way of her going out?

Georgiegirl256

tea_lover wrote: »

You and your mother might want to do some research on OCD before you start bandying about terms you clearly don't understand.

Oh, and plenty of people clean three times a week or more! I work full time, have a good social life and plenty of hobbies and clean at least that much.

Here here. OCD is so much more than about cleaning all the time.

My Mam cleans three times a week or more, my Dad jokes it's her hobby! She does that and still has an active social life, and same with me, although I don't think I'm quite as in to it as my Mam is! :rotfl:

It seems to me that the OP is obsessed with this ladies cleaning/spending/social habits, and rather than moan about them should actually try and help her....like a good friend should, and not drop her the minute she gets "boring".

FBaby

Maybe she is depressed maybe she's decided to spend Moor time with her husband maybe she is poorly but not yet prepared to discuss it. How about encouraging get to talk and listening to her rather than expecting her to listen to you?

duchy

ScarletMarble wrote: »

The thing is, if I suggest things, she does not want to know. I get more response from a brick wall. She does no hobbies. Sometimes I have phoned her asking her about going to shows of things she likes. She asks what day it's on. 'Oh that's my cleaning day'. The show start at 7:30pm. Why does she make that excuse? She could spend 9-4 cleaning. This is on days I finish work at 6pm.

I work full time and I enjoy reading books, watch films and going on long walks.

I do have other friends, but because I work weekends and live miles away, it's difficult to meet up with them - perhaps twice a year if lucky. Seeing two of these friends tomorrow as not working. Facebook has made things easier. My friend is a technophobe.


Why doesn't she listen and make petty excuses about cleaning? I am so tempted to say to her following her next excuse 'What's more important - cleaning or friendship?'

I think she isn't the one with the problem ...... She's happy in her world -but she doesn't want to be your go to person when you want to see a show and don't want to go alone.

You make it sound like she is your only friend locally- and that you have no social life-which considering that you don't have too many social skills if you think it's appropriate to tell a good friend that you are bored with them rather than just let the friendship naturally fade -isn't surprising.

Are you always the one to ring ...or does she ring you too ?

I think if you had more friends to do things with you probably wouldn't resent your friend for not wanting to do stuff you like to do -so maybe something like meetup to make more friends who have the same expectations you do (they do walks, meals, theatre and show trips- all stuff you like so they will be like-minded). Once you have more choices your friendship with either continue because you basically like each other or it will fade- both better alternatives than you telling her she is boring which will hurt her and achieve nothing positive. (and if as you imply you work with her son he won't be telling everyone at work what a witch you are for upsetting his Mum)

I will say that if I was friends with a woman whose son I worked with and I noticed hehad a persistent cough and I thought I knew the cause -I'd mention my concerns about his cough to her and suggest possible causes - rather than use it to witch about her on a forum. I'm honestly not sure about your definition of friendship and you don't sound like what I'd consider to be a good friend so maybe she "just isn't that into you" anymore and is trying to let you down gently.

Frankly you wish you could contact her other friends to tell them she's boring you- and you gossiped about her to her neighbour........... Do you really feel this is appropriate behaviour ? I'm 53 and if any "friend" of mine did this I'd be "too busy" to see them too. Friendship is a two way street and you're not coming across as a friend but more as someone who wants someone to do the things you want to do with little regard for what they like or want.

staple28

Pyxis wrote: »

I hate to say this, but maybe she is backing away from the friendship a little. If someone kept using cleaning as an excuse not to go out with me, I might suspect that they be letting me down gently!

Same thoughts here Pyxis.

Maybe she finds YOU boring have you thought of that?

Goldiegirl

Pyxis wrote: »

I hate to say this, but maybe she is backing away from the friendship a little. If someone kept using cleaning as an excuse not to go out with me, I might suspect that they be letting me down gently!

That's what I was thinking

hazyjo

'Routine' is a common trait the older we get. My mum gets wound up with one of her friends who also says no to things that fall on set days. When my dad was still with us and in hospital, I remember her friend saying she'd not be able to visit cos it was her [insert routine - cleaning, washing, ironing, whatever] day. They have the same meal on each weekday. Some people just live that way.

Maybe say you're trying not to go out more than X times in a week. Then, if she turns you down cos of cleaning or whatever, you can probably put something off another few weeks.

Alternatively, go to the cinema, theatre, etc - places you don't have to talk much.

Have to say, bit of a strange thread this. Did wonder if it was a wind-up! If one's bored of the other, surely the friendship will just die a natural death... Really doesn't sound like you're making much allowance for her change in circumstance/age.

Jx