Friend is getting boring

Errata

I do have other friends, but because I work weekends and live miles away, it's difficult to meet up with them - perhaps twice a year if lucky

I'd love to hear the older friend's side of the story. Probably something like 'a woman young enough to be my daughter is always on my case about something or other - I seem to be the only 'friend' she has. I wish she'd make friends with people in her own age group and see them every week'.

pukkamum

ScarletMarble wrote: »

Who else cleans three times a week? Both mum and I clean our places once a week and vacuum 5 in the kitchen and where we eat 4 times a week.

Err I clean every day 3 times a week, I'd kill to have to only clean 3 times a week!
Perhaps she is enjoying having the time to have a clean and tidy house after working for so many years.
Perhaps she is only saying she is cleaning to get out of seeing you as she may think you very boring.

System

ScarletMarble I think your really mean.

19lottie82

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Why did you become friends in the first place? A 27 year old woman becoming close friends with a woman of nearly 60 seems odd. Maybe 'friendly casual acquaintances' who have a chat in the street, yes, but not 'friends.' You were obviously very good friends, if you went on holiday together.

I am 50 and have never ever had a close friend with more than a 5 to 10 year age gap: we just simply wouldn't have anything in common.

That's a pretty narrow minded point of view.

I'm 32, and one of my best friends is 63, we have been friends for over 10 years. We regularly go for lunch or nights out. And she's not boring, If anything, I'm prob the one who is more boring!

I don't think age is an excuse for being "boring". This friend was out last night at a Beatles tribute night and tomorrow is taking her 2 grandchildren out on a 5 mile walk along the local nature trail and to an adventure playground.
I do though in comparison have friends in their 20s / 30s who never want to leave the house or do anything!

In my working life I have got on really well with older people who I have met and consider them friends.

Excluding people as potential friends because of their age is quite sad really.

CH27

OP you are the one with the problem not your friend.
If she is happy in her life who are you to judge?

You cannot change people but you can widen your friendship circle & realise everyone is different.

Upsidedown_Bear

I think your "friend" is better off without you.

System

duchy wrote: »

I think she isn't the one with the problem ...... She's happy in her world -but she doesn't want to be your go to person when you want to see a show and don't want to go alone.

You make it sound like she is your only friend locally- and that you have no social life-which considering that you don't have too many social skills if you think it's appropriate to tell a good friend that you are bored with them rather than just let the friendship naturally fade -isn't surprising.

Are you always the one to ring ...or does she ring you too ?

I think if you had more friends to do things with you probably wouldn't resent your friend for not wanting to do stuff you like to do -so maybe something like meetup to make more friends who have the same expectations you do (they do walks, meals, theatre and show trips- all stuff you like so they will be like-minded). Once you have more choices your friendship with either continue because you basically like each other or it will fade- both better alternatives than you telling her she is boring which will hurt her and achieve nothing positive. (and if as you imply you work with her son he won't be telling everyone at work what a witch you are for upsetting his Mum)

I will say that if I was friends with a woman whose son I worked with and I noticed hehad a persistent cough and I thought I knew the cause -I'd mention my concerns about his cough to her and suggest possible causes - rather than use it to witch about her on a forum. I'm honestly not sure about your definition of friendship and you don't sound like what I'd consider to be a good friend so maybe she "just isn't that into you" anymore and is trying to let you down gently.

Frankly you wish you could contact her other friends to tell them she's boring you- and you gossiped about her to her neighbour........... Do you really feel this is appropriate behaviour ? I'm 53 and if any "friend" of mine did this I'd be "too busy" to see them too. Friendship is a two way street and you're not coming across as a friend but more as someone who wants someone to do the things you want to do with little regard for what they like or want.

I don't work with her DS.

pablakeman

I am not going to judge you as a person for your comments like many on here have. However, help her to appreciate moments of happiness.

It sounds like she is stuck in a routine (whether this is true or not I don't know) and you, as her friend, can help her to realise the benefits of not being out of that routine. The everyday doesn't have to be boring, chronological or mundane. A lot of parts of lives are, and the key to happiness (and not being boring) is capturing the moment, wherever and whenever that may be. So help her to do that!

pmlindyloo

I must admit when I read this thread I thought it was the OP who had the problem.

Friends do drift apart and all lives change as we get older. Because of the wide age gap this change has just probably become more noticeable to some one in their early thirties.

What puzzles me is why this is such a big problem.

This lady has a husband and if there is any medical problem with her then it is up to him to deal with it (not that I believe that there is)

OP, stop trying to change someone's life to suit your needs. You've no need to tell her you're ending the friendship. That is downright mean. Keep in touch by phoning now and then, send her a birthday/Christmas card/ meet up if she suggests it. Other than that just let it take its natural course where the phone calls occur less frequently and you gradually lose touch except for the odd Christmas/birthday card.

jee

OP I think you need to stop obsessing over your friend's life. "I'm cleaning" seems to be the equivalent of "I'm washing my hair."

Now she's retired perhaps she wants to spend time with her OH doing things together. Find friends closer in age to you, so you don't get so "bored".