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RossyRed

Mojisola wrote: »

This is the right advice but it's not easy when you've grown up with a controlling personality in your life - mind you, it's so good when you can stop being affected by them that it's worth it!

elsien wrote: »

How did he do this?


You can't control his behaviour but what you can do is control your reactions to it. And just don't give him what he wants.
Family and friends (those who are attending) will already know he's an @rsehole of the first order. So if he chooses to show up, make snide comments, have a tantrum in the corner, whatever it is he does, just remind yourself that the only person he's showing up is himself. And everyone there knows it, they know it's not a reflection on you. He's not going to be at the reception because you can bar him from that, I wouldn't imagine the vicar's going to stand for any shenanigans in church (you can have a word with the vicar first if you think it'll help to prewarn them).
And as for the rest of it, all you need to do is tell the kids granddad is a plonker (I'm guessing they don't have a relationship with him to spoil), then just look right through him and let him get on with it.
He's game playing and trying to mess with your head. Which he can only do if you let him in there in the first place.

Over the years I put his behaviour down as thoughtless and embarrassing and chose to distance myself when appropriate.

I just happened to stumble across details about Narcissism and the fit was uncanny. Re-thinking through past situations made me realise that his thoughtless actions were more sinister than I thought.

I do actually feel sympathy to an extent and even though there is an urge to rant, rave and seek revenge the best thing for me is to concentrate on what is important, mainly sustaining mine and my family's happiness.

I guess my OP was more reactionary as it is an important day. Posting on here is far better than showing to him I care, which having slept on it, I don't.

pukkamum

My father is a huge narcissist, my mother slightly less so.
My father lives abroad but came back for my wedding, he was hugely offended that he wasn't asked to give me away, given he left mum when I was 2 and lived overseas all my life, I didn't feel I was in any way 'his' to give away.
He was fairly well behaved til it came to the reception, despite being told my mil did not know dh and I enjoyed the occasional joint he rolled a huge one and shouted across the room to my dh to come outside and have some, he insisted on wearing a scraggy old basball cap to the reception and continually flirted and acted suggestively to my mum in front of her husband.
I ignored it all, it was actually my mother the slight narcissist who was worst, she started a row with me over nothing at the reception, threatened to leave and called me a biatch in front of everyone!
Families!