Unwanted Guest.....

RossyRed

From my readings a narcissist's biggest fear is losing face and being 'outed'.

The threat of telling people he perverted the course of justice as a police officer may be enough.

Who knows....

Although I'm concerned I'm more worried about my bride to be and my children.

As a gas lighter his abuse was subtle but effective so injunction may either not be granted or give him a greater reason to come.

InsideInsurance

RossyRed wrote: »

However the injunction idea does sound like a good idea.

Does anyone have any ideas of the process of obtaining one?

You would need to speak to a solicitor to apply to the courts for an injunction/ restraining order against your father.

It is possible to get one without providing evidence (police reports, hospital records etc) but is inevitably much harder as ultimately you are looking to infringe on someone else's civil liberties which the courts wont do lightly.

CH27

If you've no contact with him how does he know all the details about your wedding?

RossyRed

CH27 wrote: »

If you've no contact with him how does he know all the details about your wedding?

This is what makes me think he is bluffing. The only reason would be if someone told him, which I made his side of the family swear they wouldn't.

He knew the message would get back to me so probably hopes I either contact him or worry in the lead up. Either way in his own perverse world of control games he wins either ways.

CH27

RossyRed wrote: »

This is what makes me think he is bluffing. The only reason would be if someone told him, which I made his side of the family swear they wouldn't.

He knew the message would get back to me so probably hopes I either contact him or worry in the lead up. Either way in his own perverse world of control games he wins either ways.

He only wins if you let him.
If he does turn up what is the very worst than can happen?
Can you cope with that worst case scenario?

RossyRed

CH27 wrote: »

He only wins if you let him.
If he does turn up what is the very worst than can happen?
Can you cope with that worst case scenario?

Yes I guess you've got a point.

Worst case is he looks foolish and it becomes an unnecessary talking point. Having come through years of his behaviour I'm just wary and weary about his continuous games.

Mojisola

RossyRed wrote: »

There is the chance he is bluffing to continue with the control he loves to wield.

He is a coward so the wrath of my future I laws could be too much.

There's a very strong chance that this is all to get you upset in the run-up to your wedding.

Does he know your in-laws won't stand for him causing trouble? Can you imagine him putting himself in a situation where everyone is against him?

CH27

RossyRed wrote: »

Yes I guess you've got a point.

Worst case is he looks foolish and it becomes an unnecessary talking point. Having come through years of his behaviour I'm just wary and weary about his continuous games.

I understand you being wary so he will be the one who makes a show of himself.
Imagine him turning up & you & everyone else laughing at him.

RossyRed

Mojisola wrote: »

There's a very strong chance that this is all to get you upset in the run-up to your wedding.

Does he know your in-laws won't stand for him causing trouble? Can you imagine him putting himself in a situation where everyone is against him?

Thanks I'm beginning to see it more as bluff and bluster.

As he loves control and games putting himself in a position where he has no control with people who could mock and ridicule him could be too much for him to take.

My future in-laws are very strong minded people and would stand for none of this. He would be booted with a hoard of fleas if he came.

From the Pitts this morning I'm feeling so much better so thanks to, well a bunch of strangers!

I've got a bit of space if anyone is looking for an adoptive son, nephew, cousin

Mojisola

RossyRed wrote: »

Thanks I'm beginning to see it more as bluff and bluster.

As he loves control and games putting himself in a position where he has no control with people who could mock and ridicule him could be too much for him to take.

My future in-laws are very strong minded people and would stand for none of this. He would be booted with a hoard of fleas if he came.

With people like this, it's best to change the way you think of them because they will never stop with their games.

Instead of being anxious about the problems he might cause, get a picture in your head of all the people at the wedding standing shoulder-to-shoulder with you, laughing and pointing at him while he slinks away - or some other picture that resonates with you.

People like this are so pathetic - spending their lives spreading misery and upset everywhere they go while all the time thinking they are are so big and clever.