Unwanted Guest.....

rachiibell

Just so you feel at ease on the day I'd get two biggish friends/ family members on the lookout for him. If he does turn up they can promptly escort him out without making a scene. If your having a reception at a hotel or somewhere similar I would give the staff a photograph of him and tell them that he is not allowed in under any circumstances. Good luck and enjoy your wedding

Nicki

rachiibell wrote: »

Just so you feel at ease on the day I'd get two biggish friends/ family members on the lookout for him. If he does turn up they can promptly escort him out without making a scene. If your having a reception at a hotel or somewhere similar I would give the staff a photograph of him and tell them that he is not allowed in under any circumstances. Good luck and enjoy your wedding

But only from the reception not the service! As it would be illegal to bar him from or evict him from the service itself and leave you open to having the validity of your wedding challenged at any point in time.

DKLS

Nicki wrote: »

But only from the reception not the service! As it would be illegal to bar him from or evict him from the service itself and leave you open to having the validity of your wedding challenged at any point in time.

On what basis could he challenge the validity of the wedding?, surely if you have hired a venue such as a church you have the rights to use that facility and bar whomever you like.

I was half expecting my ex to turn up at my wedding, I did brief a could of friends who were on ex alert, but thankfully she didn't turn up.

Nicki

Because it is a legal requirement that the wedding service is open to the public not just invited guests. The doors must be left unlocked and provided there is room anyone is allowed to enter for the service.

A wedding which does not take place under these conditions can be declared invalid.

rpc

Nicki wrote: »

But only from the reception not the service! As it would be illegal to bar him from or evict him from the service itself and leave you open to having the validity of your wedding challenged at any point in time.

You can't get rid if he sits there quietly.

If he starts to disrupt proceedings or generally make an a**e of himself then that is a different matter (although it may require the police to actually remove him).

There is also no rule against a few big burly mates requesting that he reconsider his attendance and leave the premises.

Cottage_Economy

You're giving your father way too much attention and an injunction will only serve to let him know he can still get under your skin.

Recruit four burly friends to stand at the entrance to the church (first the gate and then the building itself) greeting guests and keeping an eye out for him. If he arrives, they form a line and block his entrance. If he creates they call the police.

At heart all narcissists are cowards and they fear authorities because they can't bully, bluff or bluster their way through like they do with their families and friends.

***

I have a narcissist for a father but I had mine at my wedding as his enabler, my mother, wanted to attend and wouldn't come without him. He tried to cause trouble in the run up which I ignored. Not turning up for appointments, not doing what he said he would, told me he would be wearing his Adidas tracksuit bottoms and not a suit, said he wouldn't be getting in the car as he wanted to walk, not paying for anything (we never asked; not stupid enough to ask a narc for money), not doing a speech etc etc.

The first thing I did was recognise it for the attention-seeking stunt it was, which he had done all of his life. Every birthday, holiday, christmas, event, whatever it was he ruined. Threw huge tantrums and strops if he wasn't the centre of attention. This time however, i knew I had both sides of the family behind me and if he tried anything on the day he would never live it down. I would also have a fantastic reason to cut him out of my life entirely.

For every important thing i had a standby prepped. My husband's best friend would give me away if my father didn't show. I would do my own speech at the reception etc etc. All appointments were carried out without expecting him and all duties arranged beforehand so someone else would do them instead. My husband primed four groomsman to physically pick him up and carry him from the church if he came but caused trouble there. Ditto reception.

I've never waited for him to let me down or stood there waiting to have the knife stuck in. I've expected it all my life and make plans accordingly (my sister on the other hand expects that each time will be the time he would change and behave decently and gets 'knifed' every time).

I invited a couple of friends and family he 'respected' and whose good opinion he wanted to keep (they have a lot of money, have big houses and drive expensive cars, and my father has always tried to ingratiate himself with successful people). He tried very hard to get me to uninvite them when he found out, but I ignored him. He then offered me a lot of money for the wedding on the proviso I uninvited them. No chance.

On the day, he went to the pub and didn't arrive at the house until 30 minutes before the service having had a few pints with the people I had invited to keep him in line. And he turned up in a suit, not a tracksuit. I pretty much ignored him and finished getting ready. As I was leaving the house he told me the microwave was a disgusting mess and he was ashamed of me, but I walked off half way through his sentence and got in the car (having expected something derogatory about my appearance as always, it was water off a duck's back). My sister-in-law said he sort of stood there looking confused. So she said to him that we were off and would see him at the church as she remembered he said he wanted to walk. "I'm not bloody walking!" he said and jumped in the car.

He pretty much behaved all day, apart from the last bit of his speech, where he muttered something when sitting down like "hope it lasts, yeh right" but everyone heard him thanks to the microphone in front of him. He was clearly embarrassed by that and hid in the toilet and then the pub next door to the reception.

Around 8pm he was seen heading back to my house with several toilet rolls he had taken from the reception toilets. I didn't see him for weeks after that thank God!

***

Nicki

Good luck finding a judge who will say that placing 4 burly men at the door of a church and threatening someone if they enter is not the same as barring entry to a member of the public!

OP this could get circular on here. If you seriously contemplate taking this course of action please run it past the registrar at your local town hall first. They will give you a definitive view on the legality of this and the validity of your wedding if you do. As the law hasn't changed in this respect in over 400 years I don't think they'll need to look up the answer

Ever wondered why most celebs either get married abroad, or have a quiet civil service followed by a flashy church blessing (often reported as the wedding)? Answer because they aren't allowed to post burly bodyguards on the door of the church for a wedding and "request" members of the public to stay out for a wedding but they can (and do) for a blessing.

RossyRed

Started to feel better at the end of page 1. Not so sure now we're on page 2. Maybe 3 will be better

RossyRed

If my wedding is invalidated because my MIL to be punches him in the face then it's a small price to pay....

Nicki

No that would be fine . Subjecting him to violence during the service or even just outside would not be a problem so far as the validity of your wedding is concerned, nor would falsely imprisoning him elsewhere before he gets near the church (both options are obviously illegal in other ways). The only thing which would affect the validity of the wedding is to stop him walking through the doors by force or threat of force whilst at the venue.