Girlfriend refusing to pay towards rent

Mojisola

jaylee3 wrote: »

And why do you think she should be paying her way? She is his lover/girlfriend, not a bloody flatmate!

She is his lover/girlfriend and not a kept woman!

Is she willing to give up the equal rights that women have fought for because she doesn't need them - she has a boyfriend/potential husband who will pay all her bills for the rest of her life?

duchy

£100 a week on food for just TWO of you ? Really ????? (or are you feeding your brother as well?)

~Chameleon~

Man up or get rid.

FBaby

Chances are I will get a larger payment then her but this will be used to reduce the mortgage. She has used hers to pay off some bills and improve her flat but she's also on holiday at the moment and planning to go again.

The feeling I get from reading your posts is that despite being in a relationship for the past 5 years, it doesn't seem very committed. You are still seeing things as mine and hers rather than ours, and maybe it is the same with her, or maybe she would like to see more 'us and we' discussions, rather than 'I'.

Do you see yourself as a partnership, ie. an entity together, do you see yourself as two entities who are sharing some things together? I am strongly guessing that's where the problem lies, with you happy with the second position and her wanting to move towards the first. In the meantime, she is going back and forth, probably now at the stage where her frustration with you not wanting to move to the next stage of the relationship is leading her to say 'fine then, you can pay for everything'.

As you've said above, you really need to discuss this issue. Where do you see yourself in one, two, 5 years time. The same as you are now, or maybe getting married and starting a family?

sharnad

Does anyone else think the girlfriend is taking him for a ride. Op can you not find tenants for your place that more than cover the rent to live at her place and pay a £200 a month towards everything. See how long she would have you. She appears to be using you for as much as she can get . As soon as you am her to be reasonable she would dump you . You ca. Continue to be used by her, ask her to marry you and get her to stay home with the kids or get yourself a decent girlfriend

FBaby

Does anyone else think the girlfriend is taking him for a ride.

Yes most do, I don't. I think she is frustrated that the man she is madly in love and want to move towards a committed relationship with is using her in that he is happy to be with her, but not to commit further. I think she is confused and doesn't know what to think of her relationship. I think she is now deciding to use him indeed because she feels used herself. Of course, nothing more than an assumption, but based on experience of similar situations.

sharnad

FBaby wrote: »

Yes most do, I don't. I think she is frustrated that the man she is madly in love and want to move towards a committed relationship with is using her in that he is happy to be with her, but not to commit further. I think she is confused and doesn't know what to think of her relationship. I think she is now deciding to use him indeed because she feels used herself. Of course, nothing more than an assumption, but based on experience of similar situations.

So you think she decided to use him while Savin up for her own place hen dumping him the first time was because she wanted a commitment and her using him this time as long as he pays for everything would stop if be asked her to marry him. I think if someone came along offering more she would leave in a heart beat. I don't think it's commitment from him she's after so much as a free ride and she will go to the highest bidder

FBaby

Well, I suppose it can be either, but I can't see what she really got to gain from just using him for 5 years. Surely she had plenty of time to get a higher bidder by now.

I was in that situation myself as two of my close friends. My man promised a committed relationship when I moved in and that was part of the deal. I wouldn't have paid towards what was his mortgage then if it wasn't because ultimately, I loved him deeply and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. As we started our relationship, he had a lot more to lose financially than I, but this could change at anytime and even then, I would have been prepared to support him 100% if it came to it.

In the end, it sounds like OP doesn't seem to know himself whether she is in to use him or whether she is after more commitment and won't do so until they have a good talk about it all and decide what they both want for the future and how they see their relationship evolving.

davecon1

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

On food? What on earth are you buying?

she will only eat organic food and buys lots of vitamins and supplements.

Clearly the budget has to go down if we're both out of work!

davecon1

jaylee3 wrote: »

Do you ever plan on getting married to this girl? And having kids?

Coz if so, how are you going to feel about paying out a LOT more money while she stays at home, contributing nothing financially?

I have to say I've never been particularly into marriage and she's already been married so it's not something that's hugely important to us. Saying that if we were to have children I'm sure we would tie the knot. Also with kids involved of course I would pay everything if she's at home looking after them.

We did actually go along to relationship cancelling but...she refused to contribute anything towards it.

It was never like this in the early few years. She was happy to pay but when she got her place it all changed.