Feeling trapped in relationship

bellevie

Sounds like you are there with a nice group lalaluna. Im sure the girls loved the garden, as you said they were never allowed in the garden before. Glad you had a better day :-)

tayforth

It's good that you have a garden, the girls will enjoy that, I'm sure. How are you finding it having other women in the same situation to talk to? xx

lalaluna

A couple of them are lovely, Quite motherly and really supportive. Most keep themselves to themselves. Its hard to tell who to trust if im honest, one of the other mums started off really friendly but im already semsing a change in the atmosphere. I actually find her intimidating to be honest. Im glad i did.come into a refuge though instead of emergency housing like i originally wanted. Ive realised just how naive i am : (

tayforth

You're not naive, you've just had no experience of this sort of thing. I'm glad that there are a couple of lovely motherly types, that's good. Are you sleeping ok? xx

lalaluna

I have suprisingly. And ive been eating a lot better as well. Before id skip breakfast and lunch and fill.up on cups of tea. I felt sick all the time and was barely sleeping but now i.feel like i can relax. Im hoping to register with the library this week, i had to hide library books before but itll be nice to just take my mind off everything.

tayforth

It's good to hear that you're eating and sleeping well, that will help keep your strength up. Do you make your own meals between you?

And lovely that you're going to go to the library, I love reading. What types of books do you like? xx

BigAunty

lalaluna wrote: »

one of the other mums started off really friendly but im already semsing a change in the atmosphere. I actually find her intimidating to be honest.

Perhaps you are more intune with your instincts now, more able to spot when you are being monitored and 'played'? I would trust the voice in your head or stomach and avoid her.

There are some domestic abuse professionals who believe that some relationships where the female is identified as the victim are actually mutually abusive (also known as consensual). The theory of mutually abusive domestic relationships is contested and is highly controversial.

Erin Pizzey (who founded the first ever women's refuge) was vilified (death threats) for claiming that a lot of domestic violence is reciprocol and that women had the capability of being equally as violent as men.

She said she came across many women in her refuges with severe personality disorders such as narcisstic exhibitions, women who came from generationally violent backgrounds (witnessed or part of violent or dysfunctional parenting), what she has termed 'emotionally disabled', violence prone personalities.

According to her, feminism has brainwashed society into thinking the majority of domestic abuse takes place by men against women, that a multi million pound industry has been built on this myth and that's why its being protected. Quotes below pasted from a variety of sources posted beneath.

"when I later opened my refuge for battered women, 62 of the first 100 to come through the door were as abusive as the men they had left..Or, they were violent and the men weren’t....Also many were prostitutes taking refuge from their violent pimps. This infuriated the Women's Movement.

Not only were we dealing with some of the most violent men in the country, on our very doorstep - which we expected would happen as soon as we began to offer refuge -but we had some equally violent women on the inside, too. Other refuges had careful screening measures built into their selection procedures, so that they could avoid these families. Gradually we made constructive links with good refuges who would take our 'battered wives', and in turn would send us their 'violence prone' women.

Women and men are both capable of extraordinary cruelty...
I warned that of the violent women with their children coming to me, virtually none used contraception. My mothers had an average of 5.1 children, meanwhile non-violent families had a 2.5 average....

We were also fascinated to watch the reactions of the mothers if they heard that a very violent man was on his way to the Refuge. Those who abhorred violence would retreat down into the safety of the basement or up to the top of the house. Those who got high on violence, on the other hand, would all congregate round the front hall and the windows. Some of the children behaved the same way: they would cluster round the front door in spite of repeated attempts to lead them away. It always saddened me to see their little faces light up at the possibility of a violent explosion and of somebody getting hurt....

I have always taught my staff not to be over wary of the big mouthy woman - it is the little quiet ones at the back that are liable to do most damage. "



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erin_Pizzey
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1215464/Why-I-loathe-feminism---believe-ultimately-destroy-family.html
http://www.avoiceformen.com/mens-rights/domestic-violence-industry/refuting-40-years-of-lies-about-violence/
http://fathersforlife.org/pizzey/planned_destruction_of_family.htm
http://www.menweb.org/pronevio.htm

If she is correct (and as I said, this is a massively contested idea and some think she is discredited) then female domestic abuse refuges will contain highly aggressive women against the image of them containing withdrawn, intimidated ones.

However, perhaps she's wrong (her detractors make her out to be some kind of crackpot) or perhaps the greater evidence gathering and screening that takes place now reduces this risk?.

lalaluna

tayforth wrote: »

It's good to hear that you're eating and sleeping well, that will help keep your strength up. Do you make your own meals between you?

And lovely that you're going to go to the library, I love reading. What types of books do you like? xx

Sorry Tayforth I fell asleep. I quite like history like greek mythology and the 1940's/50's. Fiction: I really like JRR Tolkien and Stephen King. How about you?

lalaluna

Big Aunty: apparently its well known amongst the residents and staff that this particular woman is a bully. Its not a dry house, alchohol is supposed to be limited to our bedrooms and she makes it well known that she likes a drink and decants alchohol into fizzy drinks bottles so she can drink in the common room. Her two kids get on well with mine so i see her a lot but she does come across to me as someone who likes an argument. I share a kitxhen and bathroom with her but otherwise try to give her a wide berth.

teawithmilk

Hi, you are not naive but in a strange situation away from your own stuff and routines- its bound to be strange and unsettling!

I think you are wise to trust your instincts and be wary of getting too close to this woman. refuge is a temporary place anyway...so people could move on just as quickly as you meet them.

Come and have a chat to us instead!!