Feeling trapped in relationship

bellevie

I know this feels scary right now, but silver lining in this is that hopefully this will be logged somewhere, with the police, that he is tracking you - it isn't a sign of normal behaviour, as you made contact to say you were safe and needed time.

You should also make a note of this in the diary (if you are keeping one), it may be worth mentioning in the statement you make, including how it made you feel, the fear you feel of what will happen to you if he found you.

Can you sell the mobile he is trying to track? Give it to someone you trust and ask them to sell it in a different town?

You said you were thinking about moving close to your family, would it be worth seeing if you can apply to the councils in the surrounding towns/villages, so that you are say 1 bus ride away - he will probably guess you will head there so not too close.

In the short term, could they transfer you to a different refuge closer to the area you wish to settle, so you can think about getting the children settled in the new area over the summer before school?

Actually, I suspect you may actually be offered a home before then, time in refuge is normally short as you do get priority, but its worth asking the question.
Making plans, may momentarily distract you all. With the girls, maybe talk about your new future homes, talk about what colours you will paint their rooms, a new pet. Once a week a little treat/small toy that they can bring with them to their new home - I know space is limited, but for example a small teddy/doll, a book, colouring pencils, puzzles. For yourself too, picture yourself in your new home, how you will eventually aim to get it, the new friends you will all make, a new job. So many good times to come, just need to hold tight :-) ♥

rosie_78

Just read through your thread. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I think you're incredibly brave, and your children have a wonderful mum.


Keep talking, and keep speaking with Women's Aid, they are great xx xx xx

BigAunty

I should be shocked by the fact that he installed or activated a tracking device on your phone but I'm not. Is that perhaps how he knew you'd visited the bank,because it may have flagged up the location on his handset, or because he was actually following you from a distance using that device?

I'd be tempted to get someone else to take that phone back to your old place, switch it on and conceal it very well so that he wastes his tme hunting in the vicinity looking for you, then realise that he's been tricked, that you can also play that game. However, I'm not actually proposing this, just saying I'd be tempted. He's not going to respond kindly to being 'had'.

Sorry to say this, but although you don't think he'll come to yours because its an hour away, remember that he is obsessed with communicating/locating you and has lots of time on his hands. I can't see why the distance is going to be much of a bar because he has 100% free time and greater than 100% motivation to control you.

And why does he know that you live in a 'large house'? despite giving people the impression that he's got the wrong road. The GPS trackers I've briefly used on my own phone for mapping purposes, plus one that I have that records my jogging routes and speeds, have had stunning accuracy.

Mojisola

BigAunty wrote: »

I'd be tempted to get someone else to take that phone back to your old place, switch it on and conceal it very well so that he wastes his tme hunting in the vicinity looking for you, then realise that he's been tricked, that you can also play that game. However, I'm not actually proposing this, just saying I'd be tempted. He's not going to respond kindly to being 'had'.

Someone I know who thought he was being tracked through his phone posted it to a friend who lived in another city. Sure enough the person doing the tracking was seen loitering around the area a couple of days later.

teawithmilk

Hi Lalaluna, so glad to hear you are still safe and sound. This is so very upsetting for you but it also means that the staff and police will have this logged and be super-vigilant on your behalf. It will get better I promise.

Bellevie's idea about making plans with the girls is a great one. I did that with DD when I moved out and it kept her really distracted, planning what colour she wanted her bedroom etc.

You are in the safest place, even though it feel horrible now. It will just be temporary.

Take care of yourself and the little ones, ((lalaluna))

Tigersilly

Hello, I just want to check something. Did your partner tell the police where he thought you were or did they observe the tracking information themselves?

There it is the first option - there is a possibility that your partner may have lied to the police and given a wrong location to demonstrate that he isn't a threat. Can you check this?

tayforth

How are things today, lalaluna? xxx

PlymouthMaid

You are doing well lovely, stay strong x

lalaluna

Tigersilly wrote: »

Hello, I just want to check something. Did your partner tell the police where he thought you were or did they observe the tracking information themselves?

There it is the first option - there is a possibility that your partner may have lied to the police and given a wrong location to demonstrate that he isn't a threat. Can you check this?

I think it was the first one. Im sure the ppliceman said he tracked the gps on the phone to 'town a' in a large house down 'blah blah road'.
The solicitor did say i could just send the phone back to him and all contact he wants to make with me can be done through the solicitor. The only problem with that (i didnt think of this at the time) is all the voicemails and text messages are on there.

lalaluna

tayforth wrote: »

How are things today, lalaluna? xxx

Ive calmed down a lot since last night. I think it was the shock and panic of him knowing the name.of the town that upset me. Ive had a calm day today, stayed at the refuge all day, girls have been playing in the garden and one of the other women here cooked a roast for everyone. Gutted as in the town centre there was a free fayre on today with rides bouncy castle and stuff and the girls would have loved it, one of the other mums had gone as well so i wouldnt have been on my own but nevermind lol