talk me down please

purpleshoes_2

mellymoo74 wrote: »

Sorry purpleshoes that upset me a little which I don't think was your intention.

My OH will tell me if he wants me there, he hasn't and I am going to be guided by him, going round now to me would be hypocritical and would only be something I would do if my OH wanted me to.

I wont post again on this thread. My grandpa died of bowel cancer and I know how hard it is. Boy, people wouldnt know the half of what we went through at that time and after.

And given that your OH has been upset all I was concerned with was that he might be more upset with you if you werent there when she died

No desire to upset anyone at this time, off I go.

gettingtheresometime

mellymoo74 wrote: »

The doc told them what it was for, also 5old them it's not something that is admitted.

when my nan was nearing the end the doctor asked my mum and aun if they wanted her to have an injection of a painkiller.

Everyone in the room knew what he was really saying - and this was 22 years ago.

tbh I think given the family relationships you're probably better off out of the immediate situation - I wouldn't mind betting that some comment would be thrown your way otherwise

meritaten

sorry purpleshoes - but, this is a time for MIL and her 'close relatives'. this last vigil is for 'loved ones' its not as if mellys OH doesn't know that she will be there when he needs her.
I know I was there when FIL died - but I had done the majority of the 'care' with OH. and FIL and I were very close. which isn't to say that if any of his sons or his wife (don't mention MIL in relation to FIL cancer - its one of the reasons I despised the woman), had been there I wouldn't have minded one jot. as I think that time is for 'loved ones'.

meritaten

its really hard on you melly - waiting at home. I know you are doing 'busywork' - but you are also on here. you need some human contact perhaps? do you have a landline and mobile? if so, then perhaps phone someone for a 'chat'? at least one line will be available for 'the phone call'.

purpleshoes_2

meritaten wrote: »

sorry purpleshoes - but, this is a time for MIL and her 'close relatives'. this last vigil is for 'loved ones' its not as if mellys OH doesn't know that she will be there when he needs her.
I know I was there when FIL died - but I had done the majority of the 'care' with OH. and FIL and I were very close. which isn't to say that if any of his sons or his wife (don't mention MIL in relation to FIL cancer - its one of the reasons I despised the woman), had been there I wouldn't have minded one jot. as I think that time is for 'loved ones'.

Well woops

silly me for saying what I thought and being called out on it

The op's husband has blamed her for him not being there over the last day so she might get blamed for her not being there

But Im not going to second guess it

All I can say is, like some people on here Ive tried to give support over the months whether its been appreciated or not and I know what its like to watch someone you love die

I wont post on here again, because its clear my input upsets the OP

All the best x

gettingtheresometime

meritaten wrote: »

sorry purpleshoes - but, this is a time for MIL and her 'close relatives'. this last vigil is for 'loved ones' its not as if mellys OH doesn't know that she will be there when he needs her.
I know I was there when FIL died - but I had done the majority of the 'care' with OH. and FIL and I were very close. which isn't to say that if any of his sons or his wife (don't mention MIL in relation to FIL cancer - its one of the reasons I despised the woman), had been there I wouldn't have minded one jot. as I think that time is for 'loved ones'.

But I think it would normal to expect someone in Melly's position to be there but as I said before, I personally think she's better out of it.

When MIL was in hospital, as far as I was aware it was immediate family (as in SIL, FIL and OH) only - it was only afterwards did I find out that the entire family bar me and our son hadn't seen her. Now that caused a few tensions I can tell you as I felt we had been deliberately left out.

purpleshoes_2

Ive posted a lot over the months, trying to give support, but lots of other people's posts have been thanked and mine have been ignored, so Im not surprised at being called out tonight

All I will say is that I lost my grandpa to bowel cancer at 61 and things in my family certainly were all not unicorns and rainbows, in fact it was horrendous

Ive done nothing but try and give support but I get named and called out.

Twice. No wonder people dont post on this forum.

meritaten

purpleshoes wrote: »

Well woops

silly me for saying what I thought and being called out on it

The op's husband has blamed her for him not being there over the last day so she might get blamed for her not being there

But Im not going to second guess it

All I can say is, like some people on here Ive tried to give support over the months whether its been appreciated or not and I know what its like to watch someone you love die

I wont post on here again, because its clear my input upsets the OP

All the best x

PURPLESHOES, MIL, as you know, is NOT someone melly loves. I think she is right to stay away, but, you could be right to think that as bridges have been sort of mended lately, then melly could or should be there. I can see where you are coming from. I am not saying I am right and you are wrong. there IS no right and wrong here - only what people feel is right at this time. its a difficult situation. and one on which different people will view differently. you have been a really supportive poster - I know that, and I think melly knows that too.

mellymoo74

When were you called out Purpleshoes. I said that it had upset me and that I didn't think you'd meant to?

I also nursed my dad upto the last 24 hours when he was taken into a hospice because I weighed 5.5 stone. I then and continue to live with the guilt that despite promising him he would die at home he didn't. My OH kknowing me as he does will only ask me to go if he needs me in part because he knows that making sure my MIL for her wish and my dad didn't would be upsetting to me. Do I make a little more sense now


And I now can't bloody thank the last couple o posts because of how it will look

I generally thank a day or so later (tho I have thanked sone as I get to them)

mellymoo74

Back to cleaning I think.