talk me down please

wannabe_sybil

Hugs and prayers.

Hang on with your fingernails, keep your head down and I suggest you post here to let off steam. MIL's death is likely to release a lot of emotions, all of them strong.

Then there is the awful business of the funeral. This doesn't have to be awful, but recent history suggests that it will be needlessly complicated and stormy. Did MIL have a religion? A priest/vicar/minister should be able to mediate a little within the family. Has MIL made any provision? Has she expressed any wishes?

Take care of yourself. This awful time won't last for ever.

mellymoo74

That's what I keep reminding him.
Nice nephew sat with him giving him hugs, he was a mess I have spent the day making sure here is sorted and that work know I'm not going to be in tomorrow.
He cried when I told him that I would stay with him tomorrow.

Nice nephew sent niece and other nephew home cos they were on their phones and generally not showing a lot if respect.

mellymoo74

The love you is a big deal. She's not demonstrative

meritaten

I KNOW its a big deal melly - her final words were always going to be the ones he remembers. and its absolutely wonderful that she CHOSE to say she loved him! She always has I think - just been influenced badly by those who didn't.
YOU will need support now. Did I give you Cancercarelines number? they have a support line 24/7. and yes, its for ANYONE affected by cancer. the Samaritans are fantastic at offering telephone support too. I am not ashamed to say I spent hours on the phone to them after FIL died.
Keep posting melly if you feel it helps.

mellymoo74

I have been doing the displacement activity of deep cleaning everywhere I am about to bath the dogs then re vac the living room and change the throws.

That number would be great please. I am going to the docs for him tomorrow as well.

I am pleased with her (I know how that sounds) that she's managed to tell him she loves him it will help I think when it implodes shortly after she dies.

mellymoo74

You know your in trouble when your cleaning somewhere you cleaned earlier

meritaten

Yes - it will help him. People do NOT lie when they are near the end.


this is Cancercarelines helpline number - 01495 221660
it is staffed by either former cancer sufferers, or those who have been affected - some of the counsellors man the helpline too.
Unfortunately the time after death and around the funeral seem to bring out the worst (and best) in people. Emotions are very highly charged and near the surface melly. The calmer YOU can be, the better for OH.
and if he does take it out on you - its the grief/guilt talking and you will be able to pick up what's bothering him by what he accuses you of.
at least he hasn't been excluded so far! he did get the call to go round - and he was included in the family discussion with the doctor.
and its very common for the morphine dosage to be 'upped' near the end. it was a very kind and humane thing for the doctor to do. to ENSURE that she had no pain!

mellymoo74

meritaten wrote: »

Yes - it will help him. People do NOT lie when they are near the end.


this is Cancercarelines helpline number - 01495 221660
it is staffed by either former cancer sufferers, or those who have been affected - some of the counsellors man the helpline too.
Unfortunately the time after death and around the funeral seem to bring out the worst (and best) in people. Emotions are very highly charged and near the surface melly. The calmer YOU can be, the better for OH.
and if he does take it out on you - its the grief/guilt talking and you will be able to pick up what's bothering him by what he accuses you of.
at least he hasn't been excluded so far! he did get the call to go round - and he was included in the family discussion with the doctor.
and its very common for the morphine dosage to be 'upped' near the end. it was a very kind and humane thing for the doctor to do. to ENSURE that she had no pain!

The doc told them what it was for, also 5old them it's not something that is admitted.

I agree l, they didn't get round to her last night so she had no morphine and was in great pain. OH is blaming that.

meritaten

OMG - how did that happen? no morphine? oh melly - the poor poor woman. but, its not OHs fault - how could have foreseen, prevented or even fixed that?
no wonder he is racked with guilt - she spent her last night in terrible pain. I understand why he feels as he does............but he is wrong to feel that way.


I feel the medical profession are to blame here - there is NO WAY the woman should have been left with no pain relief! how awful!

mellymoo74

I know. Will be putting a complaint in, it's no wonder she gave up I think she wanted rthe pain to end.

Nurse just left have closed some paper report thing cos they think she will go by tomorrow morning