talk me down please

mellymoo74

SIL spotted car and called MIL to say she was waiting till OH had gone

mellymoo74

Ok

Tonight has been horrible OH is in a foul mood SIL provoked a row between him and his mum.

I am sick to death of this mental family if OH doesn't stop behaving like an idiot he will be a lonely idiot.

meritaten

and is OH sick to death of them too? because he DOES have a choice here melly. Either he lets them treat him like this or he limits contact. I feel sorry for you - but I feel sorry for your OH too. he sounds like a lovely man (YOU have good taste, you married him), he must be a soul in torment right now. He is trying so hard to 'normalise' his family and do his best by them. I would be asking him hard questions now (well, not RIGHT now - but when he is in a better mood, or calmed down).
He needs to understand he is putting your relationship at risk.
He needs to understand he is putting HIS mental health at risk.
What does he hope to gain by taking all this abuse?
Does he think his mother is suddenly going to turn into the mother he wanted but didn't get? because he has no hope of that. even just reading what you say on here - her personality type will never change - not for the better anyway.
and he needs to know that if HE didn't do all the running around and the caring etc - they would find someone else to do it. whether that is another member of the family or through a charity. They are far to selfish to not make sure they are looked after.

mellymoo74

It got worse had one of nephews and SIL shouting mouths off

meritaten

War zone then? WHY is he putting himself through this?
melly - my immediate thought is to get him AWAY! he needs distance and time to think. could you take a holiday? week away? weekend away? or even just a night?
I mean away from your home, no phone contact, NOTHING! just you and OH.

mellymoo74

I contract so can't get away.

Yep full on war zone 1 of the nephews threatened all sorts meaning I completely lost it. Had enough

purpleshoes_2

meritaten wrote: »

and is OH sick to death of them too? because he DOES have a choice here melly. Either he lets them treat him like this or he limits contact. I feel sorry for you - but I feel sorry for your OH too. he sounds like a lovely man (YOU have good taste, you married him), he must be a soul in torment right now. He is trying so hard to 'normalise' his family and do his best by them. I would be asking him hard questions now (well, not RIGHT now - but when he is in a better mood, or calmed down).
He needs to understand he is putting your relationship at risk.
He needs to understand he is putting HIS mental health at risk.
What does he hope to gain by taking all this abuse?
Does he think his mother is suddenly going to turn into the mother he wanted but didn't get? because he has no hope of that. even just reading what you say on here - her personality type will never change - not for the better anyway.
and he needs to know that if HE didn't do all the running around and the caring etc - they would find someone else to do it. whether that is another member of the family or through a charity. They are far to selfish to not make sure they are looked after.

I agree totally with this, if you dont distance yourself from this toxic pair, you'll make yourself ill and your marriage is going to end up under more strain than it is already.

mellymoo74

OH has remembered why I don't lose my temper he's ok we have had a chat one of the things I shouted was when nephew said I wasn't family I pointed out that I was OHS family and really pleased not to be blood related to the rest of em as they were all mental

Spoke to mcmillan MIL doesn't have long so this will be over soon.

mellymoo74

Sleep isn't coming any time soon and I'm at one of my sites tomorrow.
OH just told me he loves me and said sorry. Have told him this isn't his fault and he needs to ignore any calls or messages tomorrow

mellymoo74

Slepwalked through today had a call me message from the shouty nephew didn't go well.
I am apparently an evil b1tch have advised that yes I am and they have not seen anything yet