Attending wedding

Noctu

If I wanted to go to the wedding I would. My personal opinion would be that it is inherently hypocritical of the couple. However that is their choice. *shrug*

Our choice, as agnostic and atheist, was to marry in a hotel (registrar conducted the ceremony). It was exactly what we wanted.

I do have non-christian former friends who got married in a CofE church 'cos the photos are prettier, innit' and also they managed to guilt trip the vicar into writing off a significant percentage of the cost as she was pregnant at the time, hence the shotgun marriage. (they have a six figure sum in the bank but kept it quiet)

building_with_lego

ska_lover wrote: »

How lovely for you, and I would have had far more admiration for your sentiment if you hadn't felt the need for the sly put down of other peoples choices as indicated in red.

(The 'sly put down' was "some soulless local authority facility".)

I had to comment on this.

When we registered the birth of our first child it was in the then Registry Office, a delightful concrete place on the edge of town. When our son was born the council had moved the Office to the Guildhall and we had much nicer surroundings in which we could answer questions for the computer. I have no doubt that some ROs are soulless but others really are beautiful edifices, in our case with vaulted ceilings, gilt staircases and fabulous history

Faith177

We had it the other way with our wedding

My OH's cousins wife is a born again Christian. We were having a humanist ceremony as neither of us are religious and we didn't feel right having a church wedding when so many people know our feelings on religion.

The cousins wife refused our invite for the whole family including her 21 year old who we are close too as in her opinion as our wedding was not being held in the church of her Lord and therefore would not be witness by God himself we were not truly married.

We were really hurt by this reaction and the fact she rang me to tell me directly how she felt about our "sham" of a marriage. Even now a year on she refuses to acknowledge my married name and still sends cards to me in my maiden name.

I am happy for people to have their own views but I felt that her actions were a little hypocritical as it's not a very Christian attitude to have plus this all came from a woman who still hasn't had her 3 year old Christened.

I wish she had just said they couldn't have made it because of the distance than made me feel my marriage was somewhat not worthy

Lunar_Eclipse

Given your feelings, it sounds like you would prefer not to attend the wedding. If this is the case, just send a polite note to decline. Weddings should be happy occasions to celebrate the union/commitment of two people, so if you don't feel overjoyed to make their day magical, it's best not to go.

DH and I are Christians, but didn't get married in Church. We weren't in regular attendance at the time, so despite our religious beliefs, we were not living Christ centred lives and felt 'hypocritical' to marry in Church, so we didn't. That said, I agree with a previous poster that most couples marrying in Church are probably not religious in the way I believe you are meant to, to have a marriage between three (God is included in CofE marriages.)

jaylee3

Tosca3 wrote: »

I got married in church even though neither of us were believers, both of us had been baptised.

Back in the day of 1983 it was church or registry office, no way was I getting married in some soulless local authority facility.

Some of the most mean spirited and selfish people I know are regular church goers, I have always lived by my own moral code and didn't feel in the least that I was being hypocritical.

This has to be one of the most ludicrous and disingenuous and hypocritical posts I have ever read on here!

Many people I know have not been big Church goers, but they still want to get married in Church, as it feels special and right for them.

But for someone to go and get married in Church, when they have such an obvious hatred and contempt for the Church and the people who attend; well that is the ultimate in backstabbing hypocrisy! And then you go and claim you have high morals.

This post has to be a joke!

Pollycat

Faith177 wrote: »

We had it the other way with our wedding

My OH's cousins wife is a born again Christian. We were having a humanist ceremony as neither of us are religious and we didn't feel right having a church wedding when so many people know our feelings on religion.

The cousins wife refused our invite for the whole family including her 21 year old who we are close too as in her opinion as our wedding was not being held in the church of her Lord and therefore would not be witness by God himself we were not truly married.

We were really hurt by this reaction and the fact she rang me to tell me directly how she felt about our "sham" of a marriage. Even now a year on she refuses to acknowledge my married name and still sends cards to me in my maiden name.

I am happy for people to have their own views but I felt that her actions were a little hypocritical as it's not a very Christian attitude to have plus this all came from a woman who still hasn't had her 3 year old Christened.

I wish she had just said they couldn't have made it because of the distance than made me feel my marriage was somewhat not worthy

Faith, that's shocking!

So judgemental - and un-Christian - of that woman.

TBH, if she was sending me cards in my maiden name because she won't accept our marriage, they'd be going back marked 'Not known at this address'.

claire16c

I find it odd people would choose a church for photo purposes, even though some do. Some vicars don't allow photos during the ceremony and then once you're outside you've got a graveyard as a background!

Faith177

Pollycat wrote: »

Faith, that's shocking!

So judgemental - and un-Christian - of that woman.

TBH, if she was sending me cards in my maiden name because she won't accept our marriage, they'd be going back marked 'Not known at this address'.

I might start doing that Pollycat that's a very good idea thanks

I just avoid her now she is obviously never going to change her attitude towards me and my husband.

Faith177

claire16c wrote: »

I find it odd people would choose a church for photo purposes, even though some do. Some vicars don't allow photos during the ceremony and then once you're outside you've got a graveyard as a background!

I had a load of my photos done in the graveyard next to the house I was staying in to get ready the morning of my wedding

The photographer had a great time with it and the photos were amazing so I'm a little guilty of that :rotfl:

claire16c

securityguy wrote: »

A CofE church has an obligation to marry anyone who lives in, or has a connection with, the parish, provided there are not other reasons why they can't be married in a church. It's the price they pay for being an established church with massive tax advantages and 26 seats in the House of Lords, and if they don't like it, they can just disestablish. The CofE has also made repeated attempts to make marriage outside churches as unpleasant as possible: most of the rules about what you can and can't do in a register office were imposed to assuage them, and the decades it took to finally agree to marriages in hotels and other designated places were mostly about shutting up whining vicars who were frightened they'd lose the business.

The current position is here, in the Church of England Marriage Measure 2008. You have a right to be married in any church where either you or your parents have lived in the parish for six months at any point in your life, or where your parents were married, or any number of other qualifying links. If the vicar doesn't like it, that's just tough. They can't have it both ways: they've spent several centuries bitterly resisting the right of people to marry elsewhere, so marrying people who hold them in contempt is the price of that stupidity.

I always wondered why England has such ridiculous rules for weddings!

Gloomendoom wrote: »

We got married 100 miles away from our home parishes and our banns were read in all three. The two of us couldn't be in three places at once so we had to send a representative to the church we weren't attending. It was before the rule change so we were on the electoral roll for the church we were getting married in and attended regularly.

You don't have to be present when the banns are read?