Attending wedding

WeAreGhosts

a relative is getting married later in the year. she is getting married in a church, which i dont agree with. she is not religious, hasnt set foot in a church since school days and has not been christened. neither has her fiance. i didnt think this was allowed? or have rules changed?

anyway, im not religious at all and really dont want to go to a church wedding. i cant get to the evening do cos it is too far away. i suppose i am feeling guilty about thinking about not going.

DomRavioli

You can marry in a church even if you don't attend that church, or any church. Its an easy way for them to make money, and yes, it is allowed.

You sound rather callous, it is THEIR wedding, and they invited you - if I invited someone and then found out that this was the reason they didn't turn up, I wouldn't speak to you for a long long time; and an excuse is just that - not reasonable, not useful, and usually just a way to get your own way over someone else's happiness.

balletshoes

in a lot of churches you don't have to be christened or attend church to be married in it.

I guess your friend is going for a traditional wedding day, so it doesn't seem completely crazy to me that a church ceremony would be a part of that, even if she's not remotely religious.

I'm not religious at all, but I would have no issue (and have had no issue) with attending church weddings or friends and family over the years.
I actually really like church buildings, they all seem to have their own character, especially the really old ones (my mum's church for example, was built in the 19th century, but stands on the grounds of a much earlier church, going back to the 12th century, and the church has a lovely warm calming atmosphere about it).

monty-doggy

Just because they don't attend church doesn't mean they dont life by Christian or catholic values and want that kind of blessing?

You should be happy for them not judging them.

Maybe it's best you don't go!

Georgiegirl256

WeAreGhosts wrote: »

a relative is getting married later in the year. she is getting married in a church, which i dont agree with. she is not religious, hasnt set foot in a church since school days and has not been christened. neither has her fiance. i didnt think this was allowed? or have rules changed?

anyway, im not religious at all and really dont want to go to a church wedding. i cant get to the evening do cos it is too far away. i suppose i am feeling guilty about thinking about not going.

Of course it's allowed, although I think Catholic Churches might be abit stricter about who marries there?

I'm not religious, and neither is my husband, and so for that reason we didn't want to get married in a church, and personally, I agree with you to an extent, that it is somewhat hypocritical for someone who isn't religious and who doesn't go to church to want to marry there.

However, if I was invited to a church wedding where I knew the couple weren't religious, I would still go, because rightly or wrongly, that is their choice.

Alikay

People get married in churches for a variety of reasons, not just because they are regular worshipers. An atheist friend married in a particular church because her fiance's mum was buried there, and they felt it was a way of her being with them for the ceremony. Others choose a church because it is a tradition in their family, or because of the nice architecture, or because a church is an important community building built with the purpose (along with others) of holding weddings, christenings and funerals.

If you don't "agree" with it, don't go - you're perfectly at liberty to decline the invitation. My mum is a Jehovah's Witness and doesn't go in churches either, although she did make an exception for our DD's wedding because she loves her granddaughter and wanted to see her get married regardless of the building it was held in.

WeAreGhosts

actually Dom she wouldnt notice if i were there or not. i will only be invited cos im immediate family, not cos she actually likes me

thanks for the answers re marrying in a church. i have obviously been misled by the more senior members of the family. great aunt is adamant you cant marry in a church unless you have been christened.
tbh i think it is weird why anyone would want to take vows that include God when they dont believe in Him.

p.s never said i wasnt happy for them. i say it is about time, they have been together absolutely ages [and 'living in sin' according to gran !]

Buzzybee90

WeAreGhosts wrote: »

actually Dom she wouldnt notice if i were there or not. i will only be invited cos im immediate family, not cos she actually likes me

thanks for the answers re marrying in a church. i have obviously been misled by the more senior members of the family. great aunt is adamant you cant marry in a church unless you have been christened.
tbh i think it is weird why anyone would want to take vows that include God when they dont believe in Him.

p.s never said i wasnt happy for them. i say it is about time, they have been together absolutely ages [and 'living in sin' according to gran !]

I think it varies from parish to parish - the church in my parish is for christened people only (that's what they've said anyway). I do agree with you, but I am somewhat religious and my boyfriend isn't at all - I think it's different if you've grown up in a tiny village where everything surrounds the church.

Soleil_lune

WeAreGhosts wrote: »

a relative is getting married later in the year. she is getting married in a church, which i dont agree with. she is not religious, hasnt set foot in a church since school days and has not been christened. neither has her fiance. i didnt think this was allowed? or have rules changed?

anyway, im not religious at all and really dont want to go to a church wedding. i cant get to the evening do cos it is too far away. i suppose i am feeling guilty about thinking about not going.

Not sure why it's anyone else's business if they want to get married in Church. And how do you know they don't have a bit of a belief? Surely they must have, as if if they are atheists, then that is massively hypocritical.

I agree with what a few have said here. Don't go. If it bothers you that much that they are getting married in Church then stay away.

I wonder if she knows what you think and feel? I would bet she wouldn't have invited you if she did!

Soleil_lune

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I think it varies from parish to parish - the church in my parish is for christened people only (that's what they've said anyway). I do agree with you, but I am somewhat religious and my boyfriend isn't at all - I think it's different if you've grown up in a tiny village where everything surrounds the church.

Really??? How can they know for sure? Do they ask you for proof?

That sounds like a very judgemental Church.

jackomdj

If you don't want to go then don't. You don't need to make excuses why you can't. Having said that, you are saying you are unable to make just the evening as it is too far, we travelled from Cornwall to Newcastle for an evening invite because we wanted to share our friends special day.