Attending wedding

wapow

A church is a holy place of worship so to get married there and not be religious doesn't make sense.
Just like celebrating Christmas or Easter. All this running around for presents etc and for what? Most of these people are not holy nor are they too bothered about what went on, theyre just holidays for big companies to make money.

koan_2

To put a slightly different slant on it, my friend was christened and has attended that church all her life, but they still wouldn't marry her, because her husband-to-be was a divorcee so she had to get married in a registry office. It's entirely up to the church.

Brighton_belle

hunnie wrote: »

A church wedding does add some solemnity to the occasion. I think it is good that even those who are not religious would prefer a church wedding, whatever the reason.

Not for me it doesn't, if I know the couple concerned have absolutely no religious belief and will never attend church again. It detracts for me from the seriousness of their vows if they are willing to compromise their integrity in such a way for pretty pictures.

lilmissreading

I guess if you don't want to go, think they only invited you because you're family and won't mind either way, don't go.

I didn't invite some Irish cousins. They came anyway. I'd rather they hadn't. Maybe it'll be a relief for them if you don't.

We are non religious and didn't get married in church. However as a non religious person I equally have no issues if people want to get married in a church for the pictures. I really couldn't care what other people choose so long as it's what they want. Not like I think it's sacreligious as I am not, um, religious?

GobbledyGook

I think if you don't want to go then don't go. It's an invitation rather than a summons.

That said I think it's entirely up to the couple where they get married. The minister/priest is obviously happy enough with their choice. You don't always have to be religious to have good reasons for marrying in a church. I got married in a church and I'm not religious. However the church had (still has) huge sentimental meaning to me. I could see it from my bedroom window and I often escaped there if one or other of my parents turned up at my grandparents. When my Nana mentioned in passing to the minister he was more than happy to marry us.

securityguy

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I think it varies from parish to parish - the church in my parish is for christened people only (that's what they've said anyway). I do agree with you, but I am somewhat religious and my boyfriend isn't at all - I think it's different if you've grown up in a tiny village where everything surrounds the church.

A CofE church has an obligation to marry anyone who lives in, or has a connection with, the parish, provided there are not other reasons why they can't be married in a church. It's the price they pay for being an established church with massive tax advantages and 26 seats in the House of Lords, and if they don't like it, they can just disestablish. The CofE has also made repeated attempts to make marriage outside churches as unpleasant as possible: most of the rules about what you can and can't do in a register office were imposed to assuage them, and the decades it took to finally agree to marriages in hotels and other designated places were mostly about shutting up whining vicars who were frightened they'd lose the business.

The current position is here, in the Church of England Marriage Measure 2008. You have a right to be married in any church where either you or your parents have lived in the parish for six months at any point in your life, or where your parents were married, or any number of other qualifying links. If the vicar doesn't like it, that's just tough. They can't have it both ways: they've spent several centuries bitterly resisting the right of people to marry elsewhere, so marrying people who hold them in contempt is the price of that stupidity.

duchy

If it's a distant relative and they are only inviting you out of politeness -instead of questioning their motives why don't you send them a nice note sending your regrets that you won't be a able to attend and hoping they have a lovely day ...and forget about it. They will probably be delighted you let them know promptly so they can upgrade an evening guest who does want to celebrate with them to a day guest.

As for guests not attending because they aren't of that particular religion -Most people who live in multicultural areas of Britain have friends of other faiths -and wouldn't see it as a reason not to invite those friends to their ceremony and celebration. Most people don't see faith (or lack of it) as a barrier to friendship nowdays.

onlyroz

My atheist brother got married in a church although I can't fathom why. We all went along with it, kept our mouths shut during the hymns and prayers, and then wished the happy couple well at the end of the day. It's really not worth making a fuss over - life's too short.

inkie

Vicars are not obligated to marry, or allow their church to be used for the marriage of divorcees.

Torry_Quine

koan wrote: »

To put a slightly different slant on it, my friend was christened and has attended that church all her life, but they still wouldn't marry her, because her husband-to-be was a divorcee so she had to get married in a registry office. It's entirely up to the church.

My church will and indeed does marry divorced people on an individual basis.