Brother wants us to babysit niece but dictates where we can take her

balletshoes

duchy wrote: »

It seems this is the first time the parents have left the baby overnight.
The first time for most first time parents is nerve-wracking no matter how much you trust whoever is looking after the baby.

no - the OP has posted just before you duchy - its not the first overnight away from baby for the parents.


As gig tickets are involved odds are this is a long planned trip-and a bit special as couple time. First time for a night away since baby came along etc.

no - the OP stated in previous posts that the gig tickets were only booked about 3 weeks ago, and thats when her mum was asked to babysit.


The parents planned on going knowing baby would be safe at granny's. A walk to the park maybe but a safe and secure enviroment so apart from the usual first night irrational worries -nothing to worry about. Then along comes sister who instead of saying "I remember that first overnight-we will made it easy for you" starts demanding they change their plans -change the drop off times and want to drag the baby here there and everywhere. My bet is the OP is or was a single parent who never had that "first night away as a couple" or has simply forgetten what it was like and how special and daunting it was.

I do get the feeling all this is driven by the OP kicking off and trying to get Mum to choose between what brother and what sister wants. I do wonder if the OP is simply a bit jealous that brother lives locally so his child gets granny time every week whereas the OP has chosen to live further away and until this latest grandchild came along her kids were the grandchildren most talked about but this new baby is local and Granny sees this baby more so is always talking about them so good old sibling rivalry has kicked in and this is why the OP is trying to create drama rather than pick another of the four Easter days to go to the beach.

I agree that other plans could have been made which involved everyone, once the baby's dad said he didn't want his daughter going to the beach for the very first time without her parents.
But again, the OP has just as much right as her brother to make plans for her/her families time - she just doesn't have the right to expect her brother to say its okay to include his daughter in those plans, when he's made it clear (and has his reason) for saying no.

spendingmad

Duchy - how in my post above am I trying to stir up trouble?

None of the other four days over the weekend are available for one reason or another (I am working Monday so have to travel home tomorrow and we travelled yesterday and had other family to visit)

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

Duchy, OP just said that the baby stayed overnight at the other grand parents just the previous weekend

Which again raises the issue that the baby's parents may have a problem with the OP and her family rather than his mother.

There have been posts on here before where people have said they are happy with someone babysitting for them but not if they take to baby to see another specific person.

littlerat

Clearly my parents were awful, as me, my 2 year old brother and our dog would would've been going to the beach before I was one, I'm guessing sometimes with 1 parent. It's quite normal in Cornwall. I've seen very young babies before on cool days/evenings when walking my dog. So many neglectful parents, taking their child on a day out with fresh air and nice views.

We went on so many rides out with my grandparents at not much older, sometimes one sometimes both of us, I know we went to Devon (a couple of hours away) when I was maybe 5, no planning, we kissed mum (and dad if there) goodbye, drove off and came back sometime later that day.

I realise not all grandparents are responsible, but if they're good enough to babysit overnight for a gig, surely a beach trip isn't the end of the world.

First time out, first time with Santa, first day at school, big maybe. A beach trip they're too young to remember for long, not so much.

sulphate

Firstly I do not have children so maybe that disqualifies me from having an opinion here, however I can see both sides. I can see that brother and partner want a nice night away but leaving 10 month old for 22 hours is nerve wracking so ideally the baby would stay in safe familiar environment etc etc.

However I am also of the opinion that if you ask someone to babysit (for free!) you should be flexible what they can do with baby in that time (within reason ie not a trip to Glastonbury as someone else said). Granny is doing couple a favour enabling them to go out shopping and a gig together, a nice day out for them as a couple yet the same couple don't want the family to have a day out at the beach?

OP has already said that it is more to do with the couple being precious about going to beach with baby for first time. But baby is not going to remember the trip and is hardly going to look back and wish that her parents should have been there "on first trip to the seaside". As someone else said does that mean Granny can't take child to other places later on if parents have not been there first? whether or not they have a problem with OP and her family should be irrelevant IMO, that has nothing to do with the baby as Granny is being asked to babysit. I think these reasons are selfish and preventing family from having a nice day out together.

I don't see how OP was being selfish asking brother to "fit in with her plans" rather she was trying to suit everyone being as she arranged to stay elsewhere (possibly at additional expense?) and asking brother to drop baby off a couple of hours earlier so they can all have a nice day out, isn't an unreasonable request, but presumably she wasn't aware of brother not wanting baby to go to beach then.

OP I hope you have a great weekend.

balletshoes

littlerat wrote: »

Clearly my parents were awful, as me, my 2 year old brother and our dog would would've been going to the beach before I was one, I'm guessing sometimes with 1 parent. It's quite normal in Cornwall. I've seen very young babies before on cool days/evenings when walking my dog. So many neglectful parents, taking their child on a day out with fresh air and nice views.

We went on so many rides out with my grandparents at not much older, sometimes one sometimes both of us, I know we went to Devon (a couple of hours away) when I was maybe 5, no planning, we kissed mum (and dad if there) goodbye, drove off and came back sometime later that day.

I realise not all grandparents are responsible, but if they're good enough to babysit overnight for a gig, surely a beach trip isn't the end of the world.

First time out, first time with Santa, first day at school, big maybe. A beach trip they're too young to remember for long, not so much.

Am I reading a different set of posts from the OP? She has already said its nothing to do with her brother not trusting his parents to look after his daughter. Plainly and simply - her parents want to be with her the very first time she goes to the beach. Its that simple.

FBaby

her parents want to be with her the very first time she goes to
the beach. Its that simple.

Then you cancel your non urgent shopping trip to allow others to enjoy their day. Personally, I fail to understand how if this soooo important to them, they still wouldn't have done so by now. There have been some lovely days in the past few weeks, plenty of opportunities to experience this amazing first time!

fabforty

spendingmad wrote: »

Quick update whilst travelling

We (me, DH, dd &ds) are on way to beach.

Mum had words with brother as to what he can expect in future when she offers to babysit. She is equally as upset as me (hence why the title say us/we) as it has meant that today she has had to choose between which grandchildren she can spend time with

We are seeing mum later this pm

Off to enjoy our day

To be honest, that is something that your mum will have to get used to (chosing which grandchildren to spend time with), unless you are all planning to live in the same place. With five children and 11 grandchildren living in various parts of the country, my parents have to do this all the time (many do). The key is for those involved not to overthink it and not to get upset about it. Just wait until Christmas, first birthdays and other big dates kick in, and both sets of grandparents want first dibs or there is some other clash in people's plans [smiling Smilie]. It won't get any easier.


You are having a nice day out with your family, hope you enjoy it. Mum is spending the day with her grandchild and you will all meet up later. Sounds like a good compromise to me.

FatVonD

littlerat wrote: »

First time out, first time with Santa, first day at school, big maybe. A beach trip they're too young to remember for long, not so much.

The child may not remember any of those things but the parents will remember it for a lifetime.

sulkisu

fabforty wrote: »

To be honest, that is something that your mum will have to get used to (chosing which grandchildren to spend time with), unless you are all planning to live in the same place. With five children and 11 grandchildren living in various parts of the country, my parents have to do this all the time (many do). The key is for those involved not to overthink it and not to get upset about it. Just wait until Christmas, first birthdays and other big dates kick in, and both sets of grandparents want first dibs or there is some other clash in people's plans [smiling Smilie]. It won't get any easier.


You are having a nice day out with your family, hope you enjoy it. Mum is spending the day with her grandchild and you will all meet up later. Sounds like a good compromise to me.

^^^ This.


My SIL is still upset because her parents came to us for Christmas 2012. I 'ruined' her plans because I didn't want to travel to Sheffield (from London) with three children under two - including 9 week old twins - to spend Christmas at her house. And before anyone says it, yes I know it is possible to travel with babies etc etc, but we wanted to spend that Christmas in our home. Her parents therefore had to choose between coming to us or going to them and they chose us. SIL is still peed off at my 'selfish unreasonable' behaviour.