Why are adults rude to kids and then expect respect?

JWM

justme111 wrote: »

Op , can you not honestly see it is a natural reaction for people who are intimidated to go into an attack mode ? I do not mean they are right in being rude , I mean when one feels intimidated one is annoyed with himself for feeling in that way and sees that group of youth as a cause of their discomfort. Before you say "why on earth one would be annoyed with kids that do nothing bad" - I would like to see what emotions you would feel if you happened to find yourself somewhere in Somali on your own and there would be groups of militant men around you.

I don't come on MSE very often these days, and posts like this are exactly why. Comparing teenagers chatting at a bus stop to Somalian killers is just weird.

Its always been apparent that some (very vocal, very biased) posters take the view that women are always right, men are always wrong. Now it seems teenage boys are all the devil and should not make a sound, let along enjoy themselves.

Don't think I'll bother to come back to the forums in a hurry.

CATS just tell your son to be polite and ignore the haters. Same applies online as well.

CATS

FBaby, I think you really need to read the posts before making such remarks. I never at any point said my son was sweet and innocent, as the mother of an extremely confident, outgoing and yes a lot of the time noisy teenager, I know he is far from perfect and I have no doubt that he was laughing, as he himself told me, him and his friends were laughing out loud at some jokes, what I dont agree with is that some man, forget that he is an OAP, that some man decided to take himself to a bus stop full of kids and sit next to a noisy bunch and then complain. As it happens my son didn't even come to me and complain, he came home laughing that he had been called a bloody hyena and found it amusing. He said that they just ignored the man but did find it funny that he had called them bloody hyenas. The one that has taken offence is me as I can see how vindictive his attitude towards the kids is.

To whomever suggested Somali militants, I guess my common sense would tell me to run as fast as possible in the opposite direction, if I decided that I was so scared and still chose to go and stand right next to them, well........

aimeemum

My boys are still not even old enough for full time school and I am already shocked at the amount of abuse that my boys have had hurled at them, especially by older gentlemen.

My middle son was prodded by a man with his walking stick for crying on the bus once, him shouting at my son to 'man up!'. Once my eldest who is very well mannered and quietly spoken got asked to 'pipe down' because he called to me (I was stood with the pushchair and he had taken a seat further up the bus) to ask if he could come and stand with me. I've had people tell me that my boys are going to be 'brutes' when they're older and to 'watch my back' as apparently one of them will attempt to stab me at some point!

This really worried me....not becuase I believe them, not for a minute, but my boys are 4, nearly 2 and 8m! Heaven knows what they'll have to deal with in 10-15 years time!

My advice would be to ignore the haters too. You need to rise above the negativity. As they say the best revenge is to live well....don't rise (or fall as the case may be) to these stranger's expectations. Rather work to your own rules and morals.

theoretica

I know it matters how something is said and meant, but I think at 14 I would have been far more insulted to be called a 'kid' than a 'hyena'!

justme111

O my my , some people threatened to leave the topic and even mse forums due to being outraged by my somali pirates mention. Today must be full moon or something..
Op , so you do realise then how people can be distressed by proximity of others even those others have not attacked them ? Because you were saying that people should not hav got distressed as boys have not d one anything unlawful. But as you rightly say boys are not pirates and uk not Somalia so those elderly folk instead of running away as you would have rightly done switched into a fight mode .

Now , this is a perfect illustration of women loving verbal fight , we all agree I guess as situation pretty straightforward but we continue to stress different aspects of it as if one had disagreed with another. Kind of :"this is blue " -"no , it is wooden !" , and me writing it on here - sad , is not it. Ah well , some watch soaps .
On the topic - I agree with op , o so often we disrespect out children , - talk to them abrubtly , hurry them up , roll eyes impatiently at them , voice our disapproval . I am guilty as charged..

justme111

You know , I hope that when /if my daughter is called names by a distressed member of the public or someone in the family she is not only going to laugh it off and ignore but think a bit just in case she might have hurt someone to bring that reaction and feel sorry for distressed old people even if they been rude.

ska_lover

FBaby wrote: »

Loud laughing right next to your ears can be extremely stressful, even more for someone with a hearing aid.

Yes, but that was the other guys problem, laughing in public is hardly a problem in the real world. If the guy at the bus stop didn't like it, he should have moved away, and was being unreasonable by using insults to get them to modify their behaviour to how he would have liked. One day this guy will run his mouth off at the wrong type of people, and will get verbally abused, or worse - as he is being provocative

I am in my mid 30s and I have experienced far more rudeness from elderly people than any group of teenagers. Twice in a supermarket I have been screamed at, and once an OAP even went for me with a tray. Never been assaulted by a teenager though!

OP my son has had instances like you describe, an OAP even shoved him into oncoming traffic once - which was shocking, and I had wished my lad had said something back too

Some OAP's are totally selfish, and unreasonable people and insist on everything being their way, there is no such thing as 'live and let live'.

I think society's fear of teenagers is totally unrealistic.

System

I don't find older teenagers an issue but the younger ones especially young boys can be brats, I've quite often felt intimidated by them. They are the ones who shout abuse at me in the street, but I can't say anything about it because I'm an adult and you're not allowed to say anything to kids. Back in my day I wouldn't dared have spoken to people the way some of them do.

That said older people can be equally rude. I gt my fair share of rude customers and a fair few are adults.

marisco_2

We all deserve respect, but the flip side of that is that we all need to be respectful of other people whatever their age. OP your son did right not to rise to any of the passive aggressive behaviour shown to him. Much better to not give any reaction and to maintain composure and dignity by avoiding any confrontation.

Person_one

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I don't find older teenagers an issue but the younger ones especially young boys can be brats, I've quite often felt intimidated by them. They are the ones who shout abuse at me in the street, but I can't say anything about it because I'm an adult and you're not allowed to say anything to kids. Back in my day I wouldn't dared have spoken to people the way some of them do.

That said older people can be equally rude. I gt my fair share of rude customers and a fair few are adults.

I think you've just demonstrated rudeness and bad behaviour are nothing to do with age and are all about the individual!