Why are adults rude to kids and then expect respect?

CATS

So now that my son is 14 and starting to go out with friends, I am finding out how rude some adults can be, but yet are the first to scream about the lack of respect from teenagers. So a few times now, a numbers of incidents have happened that part of me thinks my son should have said something back but as he is polite has just let it go.

The other day a group of them, about 5 boys were waiting for the bus to go home after school. My son says that they were laughing and this "old man" came and sat down next to them and started to call them bl oo dy hyenas and being rude. They just ignored him but he continued until they got on the bus.

Another day my son and 2 other boys were standing, again waiting for the bus and one of the boys put his drink bottle on the floor, he had not finished it, just placed it down. This woman started screaming at him about how he should put it in the bin and not be so dirty etc etc. He explained that he had not finished but she continued.

Yesterday my son was getting off the train with his friends and they had their bikes with them, before they could all get off, my son was last, this woman with an olderly woman started to push to get on the train rather than wait for them to get off and called my son a stu pid C*** because he continued to get off.

Now, I think so far they have been lucky that the boys they have picked on are nice, decent and polite so they have just ignored them, but it does make me angry that adults, especially elderly think they can be rude and abusive and get away with it, if the boys would have said something back it would have been them who got into trouble. I find this really unfair and as much as I tell my son he should respect his elders, deep inside I think you should have said something!

Any one else finds this with their teens?

DomRavioli

CATS wrote: »

So now that my son is 14 and starting to go out with friends, I am finding out how rude some adults can be, but yet are the first to scream about the lack of respect from teenagers. So a few times now, a numbers of incidents have happened that part of me thinks my son should have said something back but as he is polite has just let it go.

The other day a group of them, about 5 boys were waiting for the bus to go home after school. My son says that they were laughing and this "old man" came and sat down next to them and started to call them bl oo dy hyenas and being rude. They just ignored him but he continued until they got on the bus. Sounds like your son and his friends were being rather noisy, perhaps they could have toned it down a bit?

Another day my son and 2 other boys were standing, again waiting for the bus and one of the boys put his drink bottle on the floor, he had not finished it, just placed it down. This woman started screaming at him about how he should put it in the bin and not be so dirty etc etc. He explained that he had not finished but she continued. Some people are idiots, regardless of their age, sex etc; that woman sounds just like one!

Yesterday my son was getting off the train with his friends and they had their bikes with them, before they could all get off, my son was last, this woman with an olderly woman started to push to get on the train rather than wait for them to get off and called my son a stu pid C*** because he continued to get off. Welcome to the wrath of old people; I was asked to get out of my wheelchair so that an elderly person could put their shopping trolley where my chair was...needless to say the old person got an earful, and in my experience old people are worse than young ones!

Now, I think so far they have been lucky that the boys they have picked on are nice, decent and polite so they have just ignored them, but it does make me angry that adults, especially elderly think they can be rude and abusive and get away with it, if the boys would have said something back it would have been them who got into trouble. I find this really unfair and as much as I tell my son he should respect his elders, deep inside I think you should have said something!
Old people are like that, the majority where I live think that because they have a bus pass that everyone else must bow down.

Any one else finds this with their teens?

I'm 28 and I find it very annoying/disturbing at the lack of respect that OAPs have towards young people. I'm lucky to look slightly younger than I am, but also use a wheelchair on occasion; I've been asked to get out of it and fold it so some old nana can put her shopping trolley there, I've also been whacked in the legs, had crutches whipped from under me and been rammed by OAPs, so I can sympathise.

Your son seems to be doing the right thing in ignoring them; if the OAP becomes abusive, then he can always ring 101 (police non emergency) to report them; doesn't matter how old or young someone is, being threatened isn't a normal part of life.

duchy

Having worked with this age group I take a slightly different view...... The nicest 14 year olds in a group take on a bit of a pack persona and their idea of "laughing and messing about" can be seen as noisy, loutish and intimidating by others. The truth probably lies somewhere between the two.
If these incidents only happen when your son is with his "pack" rather than when he is alone this might give you a bit of food for thought that perhaps he isn't quite as blameless as he thinks . Most fourteen year olds aren't terrific at seeing the bigger picture and maybe teaching him a bit of accountability rather than assuming the rest of the population is always at fault and he is totally innocent might help him avoid such incidents in the future .

whodathunkit

CATS wrote: »

So now that my son is 14 and starting to go out with friends, I am finding out how rude some adults can be, but yet are the first to scream about the lack of respect from teenagers. So a few times now, a numbers of incidents have happened that part of me thinks my son should have said something back but as he is polite has just let it go.

The other day a group of them, about 5 boys were waiting for the bus to go home after school. My son says that they were laughing and this "old man" came and sat down next to them and started to call them bl oo dy hyenas and being rude. They just ignored him but he continued until they got on the bus.

Another day my son and 2 other boys were standing, again waiting for the bus and one of the boys put his drink bottle on the floor, he had not finished it, just placed it down. This woman started screaming at him about how he should put it in the bin and not be so dirty etc etc. He explained that he had not finished but she continued.

Yesterday my son was getting off the train with his friends and they had their bikes with them, before they could all get off, my son was last, this woman with an olderly woman started to push to get on the train rather than wait for them to get off and called my son a stu pid C*** because he continued to get off.

Now, I think so far they have been lucky that the boys they have picked on are nice, decent and polite so they have just ignored them, but it does make me angry that adults, especially elderly think they can be rude and abusive and get away with it, if the boys would have said something back it would have been them who got into trouble. I find this really unfair and as much as I tell my son he should respect his elders, deep inside I think you should have said something!

Any one else finds this with their teens?

You're only hearing one side of the story. Many people find youths in packs very threatening and this would explain the first two instances. Obviously, there's no excuse for calling someone a !!!! but elderly people boarding transport can get anxious, particularly if groups of teenagers are taking their own sweet time to get off.

Your son was right not to react but it might also be worth encouraging him to look at the way quite ordinary teenage behaviour can appear to someone who doesn't know him.

fivetide

People shoving to get on something when I need to get off is a major bugbear.

I stand in their way and state quite clearly that they can't get on until everyone else has got off. The bus/train isn't going without them.

Most people will mutter but move because they realise they are acting like a numpty. On that one, your son was more than certainly in the right. It was probably the bike that was causing the issue

mountainofdebt

Perhaps its a sad reflection on society today where we see groups of teenagers as a gethering ready to cause trouble even when the people concerned aren't even the slightest interested in us.

When I've been out walking with the dog, I have sometimes passed such a group and I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck rising for no other reason that they are a group of teenagers.

duchy

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Perhaps its a sad reflection on society today where we see groups of teenagers as a gethering ready to cause trouble even when the people concerned aren't even the slightest interested in us.

When I've been out walking with the dog, I have sometimes passed such a group and I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck rising for no other reason that they are a group of teenagers.

It's nothing new though ask any ex Teddy boy ........ any group hanging around is likely to make people feel uncomfortable or threatened ....... It's just teenagers are the group most likely to have time on their hands to do it whereas older people usually have things to do or places to go when they gather together.

Person_one

whodathunkit wrote: »

You're only hearing one side of the story. Many people find youths in packs very threatening and this would explain the first two instances.

That's their problem though, there's no reason to find a group of 14 year old boys threatening other than prejudice.

Yes, teenagers can be boisterous and a bit loud, so what? We've all been teenagers, we know they're going to grow out of it soon enough, why not let them enjoy being young while they can?

gingin_2

My 14 year old son has said exactly the same CATS. my son is sweet and a bit of a geek and certainly doesn't look intimidating. It's hard because we teach them respect and not to answer back and so they just have to stand there and take it because they are smart enough to know it will lead them nowhere.

CATS

Hi Duchy,

Yes they were being loud and laughing but because the bus stop is right outside their school and there were a lot of other kids about all having come out of school going home, can you imagine how loud everything must have been! but that is exactly my point, if you see a group, or groups of teenagers, the last thing I would do would be to approach a group and be abusive for no reason, if he didn't like it he could have gone to another bus stop. Can you imagine if the boys were not as nice and decided to retaliate, then it would be seen as a group of yobs picked on a poor elderly man who was minding his own business, blah blah blah

whodathunkit - exactly my point, a group of teenagers is intimidating so why would you purposely go and start being abusive? if they are not doing anything to you just let them be.

I am not blind to how teenagers act and I can imagine that they are loud, but that doesnt mean you have the right to pick on them when they haven't even looked at you, by abusing them you have put yourself in their radar and then would complain if they were to say something back.

theoretica

The one I have come across a few times and really don't understand is a parent with young kids explaining really loudly to the kids, with many swear words, just how xxx rude someone else is being.