Am I being pathetic?

woodformoretrees

Mojisola wrote: »

But a relationship can be measured by whether one partner is willing (or not) to mark a special event in a way that their loved one would like.

A relationship can and should be measured by its longevity and its place in the hearts of those that witnessed it - not by paper and minerals.

I am willing to bet there are a million abusive relationships out there that contain many, many sparkly stones and empty gestures that seemed important at the time.

reehsetin

CH27 wrote: »

I don't see the point of buying your own eternity ring.
The whole point is for the ring to be given to signal your eternal relationship together.
Otherwise it's just another piece of jewellery.

What's the point if they've only bought it for you because they've been ordered to? gift for the sake of giving is completely pointless, I only want something from my husband that he genuinely sees the value in giving me - not because society or anyone else tells him to.

We don't 'do' cards for most occasions or regular gifts either, instead we mark special events by spending time together - i get gifts randomly e.g. a antique version of one of my fave books. I'd much rather that than anything dictated or bought from expectation.

Op, I'm not sure that cards would still be a big issue if he showed love in other ways, people express their love differently so I could understand if he showed you love in another way but if you get nothing from him, that says a lot

Mojisola

woodformoretrees wrote: »

A relationship can and should be measured by its longevity and its place in the hearts of those that witnessed it - not by paper and minerals.

I wouldn't judge the success of a relationship by its longevity - I know some couples who have been together for years but their relationships are horrible and destructive.

I am willing to bet there are a million abusive relationships out there that contain many, many sparkly stones and empty gestures that seemed important at the time.

It's got nothing to do with shiny things and empty gestures - it's about a partner thinking of their partner, knowing what they would like done and making an effort to make them happy. It wouldn't matter if it was making a cup of tea, buying a bunch of flowers, making sure there is money put by so the loved one can go to a special event, etc. These aren't empty gestures - they're expressions of love.

If a person says "I love you" but doesn't show it in any way, that's an empty gesture.

woodformoretrees

Mojisola wrote: »

It's got nothing to do with shiny things and empty gestures - it's about a partner thinking of their partner, knowing what they would like done and making an effort to make them happy. It wouldn't matter if it was making a cup of tea, buying a bunch of flowers, making sure there is money put by so the loved one can go to a special event, etc. These aren't empty gestures - they're expressions of love.

If a person says "I love you" but doesn't show it in any way, that's an empty gesture.

Absolutely, longevity is an incorrect word. I think I mean that if a partner is relying on a card to detect whether their partner is truly committed and giving to their relationship, then that is an unhealthy situation.
My husband never bought me a card after the birth of our three. In fact for the first he fell asleep during my 27 hour labour. But he worked tirelessly during the first three months where I was literally crying permanently and had t*ts that were on fire due to breastfeeding issues.
The second one, he drove over 30 hours a week to visit us in the SCBU.
The third one he looked after the first two, did all the school runs and phoned the doctor about my post-partum stitch splitting constipation (hey, we might as well lose all dignity here, right?)
Yet all through it, I was absolutely convinced that he never loved me, because he forgot Valentines day.....
many, many, many years on he is here, he does all the school ironing and parent's evenings and has passed up many chances of promotion because he cares for our children and allows me to pursue my career.
No paper. No diamonds. Much love.

That was what I was trying to say.

If the OPs OH is an AH, then she will know that, and maybe she is focusing on a lack of card because she knows the relationship is doomed.

nat21luv

For my first I received nothing but a hungover fianc!. He went out the evening my son was born to 'wet the babys head' and showed up the next morning hungover. Whilst I was giving birth he was eating lunch in the canteen of the hospital. The midwive told him not to stray far as I wasn't far off...an hour later he showed up and I was holding the baby! Vile and unsurprisingly, we're separated.
I suffered PND.


My second (fianc! and baby ) was completely the opposite. He bought me a beautiful bunch of pink peonies when we found out I was expecting as he was hoping for a girl. When I gave birth he was right next to me on the bed and cuddled me the whole way through. Wonderful experience He bought me a massive bunch of pink roses from the florist and bought the baby a new teddy. He took us home and he had been up all night setting up the nursery and cleaning the house. Baby was prem so we wernt too prepared! I felt loved, appreciated and supported and didn't suffer at all with PND.


Its that good old saying, 'treat others as you wish to be treated'.

woodformoretrees

nat21luv wrote: »

For my first I received nothing but a hungover fianc!. He went out the evening my son was born to 'wet the babys head' and showed up the next morning hungover. Whilst I was giving birth he was eating lunch in the canteen of the hospital. The midwive told him not to stray far as I wasn't far off...an hour later he showed up and I was holding the baby! Vile and unsurprisingly, we're separated.
I suffered PND.


My second (fianc! and baby ) was completely the opposite. He bought me a beautiful bunch of pink peonies when we found out I was expecting as he was hoping for a girl. When I gave birth he was right next to me on the bed and cuddled me the whole way through. Wonderful experience He bought me a massive bunch of pink roses from the florist and bought the baby a new teddy. He took us home and he had been up all night setting up the nursery and cleaning the house. Baby was prem so we wernt too prepared! I felt loved, appreciated and supported and didn't suffer at all with PND.


Its that good old saying, 'treat others as you wish to be treated'.

Would you have settled for 'a card'?

mrsHall2b

the post is gone now, but i think i get the jist...

i didnt get ANYTHING for either of mine, from anyone. my mum bought dd1 some chocolates when i had dd2 but that was it, we got a couple of cards collectively from family.

when i went into labour all i got was OH stressing at how (insert expletives here) disorganised we were.. and asking where things were and what else we need. i was on the floor on all 4s by this point and by time i got to hospital was already 9cms.... :O

i dont see the point in cards for any occasion & have bought oh round to realise its tat that goes in the bin!

Jackie132

CrazyAngel wrote: »

...............

what do you mean by that dots, and why are you being pathetic.

mrsHall2b

Jackie132 wrote: »

what do you mean by that dots, and why are you being pathetic.

they edited the post as they have gotten all of the replies they needed.

sorry i bumped it up by commenting this morning after reading the replies i got snippets of the original message.

Jackie132

Thanks, I got your point. I was wondered what this post actually is.