Am I being pathetic?

wapow

The only thing that has kept us together is that I found out I was pregnant around this time. I have now given birth to our baby. He hasn't made much of an effort to make things up to me

wapow

wapow wrote: »

The only thing that has kept us together is that I found out I was pregnant around this time. I have now given birth to our baby. He hasn't made much of an effort to make things up to me

Can you still not see the problem?
It could be considered sad to hear the state you are in.
It could be considered sadder to hear about the feelings the baby has to endure. Feelings are transferable.

Are you two seeking counsel to recover your relationship?
Why are you holding on to this man who cant even do a simple thing like get you a card?

It could be that you expect too much from him and are too demanding/controlling/etc etc.

There are two sides to a coin.
But by reading your post it seems you are trying your best to keep someone who does not want to be kept.
The baby was a reason to keep him.
How long will he endure?

stardoman

valk_scot wrote: »

The traditional gift from husband to wife on the birth of their first child is an eternity ring. Twenty two years later I'm still waiting for mine.

Me too. My husband told me that he doesn't believe in them so will never get me one. I would really love one, especially as I no longer have my engagement and wedding rings.

I must admit I was upset at my husband when the children were born. With the first I got a manky bunch of flowers that were half dead. With the second, nothing at all. The company he works for sent me a beautiful bouquet when my second was born and my husband commented on why they would do that. I think I exploded, and told him that at least they had thought of us.

He did then send a bouquet to me, but it felt like I'd forced him to and I didn't really enjoy them.

However, his heart is in the right place really and I know he loves me.

wapow

stardoman wrote: »

However, his heart is in the right place really and I know he loves me.

Is it wise then, to get so worked up inside about something you've already accepted as not going to happen? He has made his stance clear, so he was honest and forthcoming. Why cant you accept that?
Maybe the problem is that he has not got you anything? Is this the case? Did he not get you anything at all? (Something other than the flowers you guilt tripped him into buying.)
You cant say that his company was more thoughtful than him, because he was honest to you and said he does not do those things. So you've kind of used that gesture against him to fuel an argument inside you or on here about something he has already been honest and open about!


If he didn't get you anything at all to mark the birth of your children, then this is where the problem lies.


Does he do things for your birthdays without you having to mention it?
Does he love the kids?
Does he buy gifts for you and the kids?


If hes doing all these things and his heart is in the right place, then to him, buying something to mark the birth of a child might just be something that in his head he doesnt believe in?

aimeemum

3 births and no cards.

1st I got flowers and doughnuts lol
2nd I got - hmmmm I can't remember lol - I seem to remember some kind of cake but I was VERY tired lol
3rd I got a bit box of chocolates.

Hubby done good .....cards are a bit empty to me. It's our anniversary today and we don't send each other a card, or Valentines. I would rather be told 'I love you' every day, which to be fair I think I get more than that.

To the OP - you either need to come clean and tell him EXACTLY what you feel (no snide remarks or cryptic clues!) or you need to let this one go. you have your baby - that should be more than enough reward for all that aggravation. You and your OH need to talk to one another and come to an amicable solution, whatever that may be, to make your house a happy one to bring up a child in!

Good luck x

wapow

Please no cryptic lady clues. We hate lady clues. We can never get them. We can solve the mysteries of the world but not the mystery's that a woman may propose.

stardoman

wapow wrote: »

Is it wise then, to get so worked up inside about something you've already accepted as not going to happen? He has made his stance clear, so he was honest and forthcoming. Why cant you accept that?
Maybe the problem is that he has not got you anything? Is this the case? Did he not get you anything at all? (Something other than the flowers you guilt tripped him into buying.)
You cant say that his company was more thoughtful than him, because he was honest to you and said he does not do those things. So you've kind of used that gesture against him to fuel an argument inside you or on here about something he has already been honest and open about!


If he didn't get you anything at all to mark the birth of your children, then this is where the problem lies.


Does he do things for your birthdays without you having to mention it?
Does he love the kids?
Does he buy gifts for you and the kids?


If hes doing all these things and his heart is in the right place, then to him, buying something to mark the birth of a child might just be something that in his head he doesnt believe in?

I do accept it, this was all a long time ago and at the time it did upset me, so I was being honest when I exploded!!!

He knows I'd really like an eternity ring, and I know that he'll never buy me one. I don't know why he's dug his heels in because its not something I've gone on about. Its been discussed maybe 3 times and I've known him 25 years.

He can be thoughtful - he treats me well on a day to day basis. And arranged a fantastic night away for my 40th birthday.

But I can totally understand why the OP is upset.

Principia_2

stardoman wrote: »

He knows I'd really like an eternity ring, and I know that he'll never buy me one. I don't know why he's dug his heels in because its not something I've gone on about. Its been discussed maybe 3 times and I've known him 25 years.

Just being nosey but is there any reason you can't buy yourself an eternity ring?

I ask purely because if I loved jewellery and my OH was not inclined to indulge me then I would buy a lovely piece for myself (in celebration of each and every child I had )

wapow

stardoman wrote: »

I do accept it, this was all a long time ago and at the time it did upset me, so I was being honest when I exploded!!!

He knows I'd really like an eternity ring, and I know that he'll never buy me one. I don't know why he's dug his heels in because its not something I've gone on about. Its been discussed maybe 3 times and I've known him 25 years.

He can be thoughtful - he treats me well on a day to day basis. And arranged a fantastic night away for my 40th birthday.

But I can totally understand why the OP is upset.

If I could, I would love to ask him why he wont buy that ring lol it intrigues me that after 25 years this is till the case.
You know if you really truly want to know why he wont buy that ring then you could use his guy friend to ask him about it. Obviously he would have to be subtle and not so forthright, maybe over a lads night or something he could say that his wife/gf wants a ring for something and make up a backstory blahblah then he can ask yours whether the wife has asked for something like that and yours will most likely open up and say yeah she wants an eternity ring but ive said no because....


You must never use his reasoning against him though or you will mess him up in more ways than you will ever know...

Principia_2

wapow wrote: »

You know if you really truly want to know why he wont buy that ring then you could use his guy friend to ask him about it. Obviously he would have to be subtle and not so forthright, maybe over a lads night or something he could say that his wife/gf wants a ring for something and make up a backstory blahblah then he can ask yours whether the wife has asked for something like that and yours will most likely open up and say yeah she wants an eternity ring but ive said no because....

That sounds a bit sneaky to me - if I wanted to know something then I'd ask my husband. If he didn't want to tell me then that's his prerogative.