Am I being pathetic?

CrazyAngel_3
CrazyAngel_3 Posts: 106 Forumite
edited 29 April 2014 at 2:25PM in MoneySaving mums
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  • poet123
    poet123 Posts: 24,099 Forumite
    Do they make cards from husband to wife on the birth of their child? My husband is quite thoughtful but I don't think it would have entered his head to send me a card tbh. Have you sent him one?

    I ask because I have had four and never had such a card. I did get flowers though on each occasion.
  • busy_mom_2
    busy_mom_2 Posts: 1,391
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    We all have our own things we hold important, If its important to you then it matters. You need to tell him how you feel, explain that to him calmly or the resentment will continue to build. Good luck. X
  • mrcow
    mrcow Posts: 15,170
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    CrazyAngel wrote: »


    After nine months of feeling fat, being sick, going through a horrendous labour and generally being uncomfortable I was at least expecting a card from him following the birth.


    Really, this is way too needy. I've never heard of any such card.

    He's a man btw. They don't "do" cards at the best of times. If it's really important, go out and buy yourself a card, hand it to him with a pen, and get him to write it. It's the only way you're going to get it done! You can't expect him to be a mindreader.

    There are so many more important ways by which couples can show affection.
    "One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
    Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."
  • mrcow
    mrcow Posts: 15,170
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    poet123 wrote: »
    I did get flowers though on each occasion.


    I didn't get either, but he did make me cups of tea :p
    "One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
    Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."
  • poet123
    poet123 Posts: 24,099 Forumite
    If it is important to you then it does matter but if it makes it any easier I don't think it is the norm.

    Some men are card men some aren't. None of my sons are and I have had to train them over the years....the eldest reaped the rewards with his first gf, he would never have bought a birthday card had I not reminded him that such things are important to a lot of women, he would just have bought a present, and, like many people he thinks cards are way too pricy for what they are.
  • poet123
    poet123 Posts: 24,099 Forumite
    mrcow wrote: »
    I didn't get either, but he did make me cups of tea :p

    Yes, me too. I suspect that my mum might have prompted the flowers though!!:D
  • Principia_2
    Principia_2 Posts: 231 Forumite
    CrazyAngel wrote: »
    Maybe I am being irrational, hormonal, over-tired or whatever. I'll just forget about it. Thanks for the replies.

    All of those things may be true but nonetheless cards (or perhaps small acknowledgements?) seem important to you and so I think it's important that you tell your husband that you were a bit disappointed not to receive anything, then he gets a heads up of the kind of thing you expect cards/presents for in the future.

    However, I do think that you should be a little bit forgiving for him not making the leap from birthday cards to giving birth cards - it's not something I've ever heard of before. On the other hand I don't think you are being completely unreasonable either, flowers are quite normal and if he felt you had too many, he could easily have bought you something else.
  • mrcow
    mrcow Posts: 15,170
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    CrazyAngel wrote: »


    Maybe I am being irrational, hormonal, over-tired or whatever. I'll just forget about it. Thanks for the replies.


    All of these things are completely normal. You make it sound like it's a bad thing!

    You do sound like you need some attention from him though. Can you book yourselves an evening out for dinner? Or do something else special (that doesn't involve nappies or baby feeding!).

    I have been with my OH for 19 years (and three children) now and have given up expecting him to live up to expectations in my head. He is thoughtful in his own way (and on so many levels is more caring and thoughtful than anyone else I know). But he never takes me out or does any of the traditionally "romantic" gestures off his own bat. (His idea of a good Christmas gift for me one year was a new toaster - he got an ear-bashing for that one!).

    Sometimes, you just need to spell it out. Sometimes, if you want flowers, you need to just get them yourself. If you want to go out on a date, book it and tell him you want him to make an effort so jeans and t-shirt are out. If you want a card, tell him. If you want a particular gift, either buy it or write it down so he doesn't get it wrong.

    Otherwise, you'll just go through life feeling resentment and being permanently disappointed.
    "One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
    Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."
  • poet123
    poet123 Posts: 24,099 Forumite
    I find an Amazon wish list invaluable living in a house with 5 males!! I keep it updated and lo, the gifts appear as if by magic.:rotfl:
  • DigForVictory
    DigForVictory Posts: 11,896
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    CrazyAngel - this will be a bad month to try to train your husband. Mine gets cranky on lack of sleep & sporadic meals (although survival has prompted him to master the sandwich toaster.)

    If he has other womenfolk, share the "wish I got a card" & get them to steer him towards ecards at a minimum. (They are allowed to use sticks without it being dometic abuse.) I believe moonpig also allow you to set up a diary of birthdays, anniversaries etc so they can email reminders through.

    If you think he might learn to interpret an Amazon wishlist, it can't hurt but presents are a poor substitute for listening & thinking & considering. Although if he's doing none of the above, presents are the last resort of the incompetent.

    You've survived this far & kept the relationship going this far - see how it goes. A card needs training. Flowers seem to be easier for them to understand. (Or perhaps florists can wring out wallets more easily.) Soon, if he changes a nappy it'll be worth more than 10 "I love you" notes, so focus on what you need him to learn!

    All the best with your little one, your husband & your relationship!
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