Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

financialdisease

I forgot about this great comment

"Didn't I ever notice he always had money?"

Erm if he is trying to tell me that I should have spotted it and fixed it sooner then NO I assumed he was an adult organising his own money and bills like I always do to avoid being skint.

Brenny

financialdisease wrote: »

I forgot about this great comment

"Didn't I ever notice he always had money?"

Erm if he is trying to tell me that I should have spotted it and fixed it sooner then NO I assumed he was an adult organising his own money and bills like I always do to avoid being skint.

Lol. Surely the whole point is that he DIDN'T have money.

Please don't think you are boring anyone. We are all here for you, whichever direction you decide to go, if you need us. (Equally, you should only post if you want to! And I will still advise you to think about 'real person' advice as soon as you feel able.)

financialdisease

I told a friend, not the actual figure but the situation I don't feel like its made much difference

hettiecarro

It's important that you do what is right for you and yours.
No-one should influence you to end your marriage if you want to work it out.
OH is obviously still licking his wounds at the moment.
Time on the couch won't hurt him, and he may learn you are not the pushover he thought you were.
If at the end of this he DOES sort himself out, you may find yourself married to the person you deserve.
As important is that he may hopefully find fulfilment with you and the children - not in the pub with his mates.
Don't worry about 'over posting' on here. When I first started on my debt free journey I spent most of my time typing
It took me some time to understand that people on this forum actually care about what happens to others. I also understand that the anonymity of a forum can let us 'tell all' - maybe more than face to face with someone.
You WILL get through this you know.
I am not particularly religious, but I DO believe we are never given more to bear than we have the strength to cope with.
When you have reached where you are now, the only way is up!
Sending lots of hugs and things.
Hettie
xx

breezeblock

Can I just add that if your nursery funded places are not available there are some childminders who can accept the 15 hours funding. My partner is a childminder and has a 3 year old mindee and can use the government 15 hours funding as she is accredited by the local authority. This would help with your childcare costs. You should also be receiving up to 70% of your childcare costs from working tax credits if you receive them.

in_need_of_direction

just to say, i totally agree with hettie. just do what feels right for you and don't worry about overposting no one forces people to read

satchmo1

FD I am glued to MSE, don't stop posting please. I wish I'd had MSE when I was in the middle of my marriage breakdown (due to exDH becoming violent following an accident-induced brain injury).


I felt I had no-one to talk to: a lot of "friends" blanked me for bailing out on exDH. At the lowest point, I didn't even have enough money to buy loo rolls. ex swindled me out of profits from sale of business we had built up together for 19 years. All water under the bridge, and I'm well, happy (married to a lovely bloke), solvent (whilst ex is struggling). Have reached an amicable place with ex, which is a godsend as DS2 (who is 29) needs both our emotional support.


Sorry for the long post, just wanted you to know there's life at the end of the struggle, just keep holding on.


Hugs

BillJones

ALIBOBSY wrote: »

Sadly its the people like this who are clearly drinking above recommended levels that DO have a drink issue, it is so easy to slip into a routine where the alcohol becomes part of your week, often stressed out people drink to help them sleep.

I was thinking the same. It very much sounds like the OP's partner is dependent on alcohol, and is drinking massively more than is recommended (21 units per week, or about 7 pints of lager), yet we have people saying "oh good, he's not an alcoholic".

People seem to asume that dependency means overt physical signs (shakes, pain etc.), but dependency is just as likely to show itself in the form of not wanting to stop going out for a drink. The "I could stop if I wanted to, but I dont want to" response is suggestive of some form of issue. If it wasn't, he could go to the pub and have water for the next month.

jobbingmusician

I'm not so convinced he's an alcoholic, because I suspect that the attraction at the pub may be the fruit machines rather than the drinks.

financialdisease

He definitely plays fruit machines that has never been a secret I had no idea of the extent I only ever witnessed a few pounds here and there.