Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

financialdisease

Brenny wrote: »

Have you been to your doctor''s?

It does sound as if you need extra support and that's what they are there for....

Yeah thanks

I had 3 weeks off work and had some short term counselling sessions which brought up loads of feelings I was struggling with they have referred me on for long term counselling I have an assessment with them on Monday.

Brenny

Well done, you are on the right road.

It looks like the weather is set to improve so maybe you can get out to the hills with some friends in the meantime.

Look after yourself.

Good thing i practice with my dgd is having a worry session. She is allowed to talk about her worries for 15 minutes a day. Out of that time she parks them until the next day's session. It does seem to work so maybe it's something you could try - talk about your worries to someone/something (a cushion if needs be) but then refuse to let your mind dwell on them until your next "session".

maganan

Hi there how are you getting on? Sending hugs, positivity and good wishes

Kate x

financialdisease

Still no further forward with the DAS unfortunately

He has temporarily moved out and I am continuing to have counselling seasions.

♥♥♥♥ hugs ♥♥♥

sistafromanothermista

:wave: FD, i've just read most (not all ) of your thread. I just wanted to say stay positive. It's a long road ahead but you can get through it. Big hugs to you and yours for the future. x

On_my_way

eyeopener2 wrote: »

I was in a controlling marriage, but wasn't married to a man. Horrendous time but I got out of it in one piece (just). Everything said above is correct but it certainly isn't solely a male preserve

I definitely agree with this. My boyfriend's mother treats her husband like dirty, she is very, very controlling and nasty.

Interestingly, his sister also treats her husband badly! It's terrible!

floozy44

:grouphug:I'm just popping in today to give you a huge hug:grouphug:

financialdisease

floozy44 wrote: »

:grouphug:I'm just popping in today to give you a huge hug:grouphug:

Thank you

Its gratefully received ((♥))

Killick

Hi f.d. I thought I'd post to your thread as I have some experience of running up debt through gambling and drinking, I've been there and got the T shirt :-)) I posted earlier about this but that post seems to have gone, I may have deleted it by accident so I'll try again :-)
I ran up a debt of £180,000 through a combination of depression and gambling. Gambling was my way of coping with the depression but it didn't help and the gambling became the bigger problem but it can be sorted out.
I won't lie to you and sugar coat things because it is not an easy path to tread and you need to be aware of certain truths that you are not going to like, so here goes.
You need to be aware that your partner WILL lie to you and deceive you in order to satisfy the gambling bug, it's the nature of the addiction and he WILL find anyway he can to continue. He will tell you anything that he thinks you need to hear to convince you he is doing something about it when he isn't really doing anything, so you need to be aware of this and look after yourself first. Keep your finances separate from his..
On the positive side and there is one, you can get good help. I got great help from my G.P., Counsellors and Gamblers Anonymous but you will have to be prepared to be active in it. My missus had to drag me to a doctor and counselling because there was no way I'd go on my own.
Please don't take offence at what I have put here because you need to know these things in order to set them right. there are loads of people on here and in your local community who can help with advice. Start by taking a look at the Gamblers Anonymous site and go to the "Friends or family gambling" link, they can offer you support that is second to none.
Good luck

ampersand

Yes killick - I had thanked your earlier post, accidentally deleted, and am so glad to see you've re-written.

I know you have made a fantastic sea change in your own Life and strongly hope f.d. can see that this is both necessary and possible in hers and her oh's, regardless of where he ends up finally.

Congratulations again to you. I just want to bring back a very acute sentence you used in that 1st post, which hasn't quite made it here. Somewhere in this section -
' He will tell you anything that he thinks you need to hear to convince you he is doing something about it when he isn't really doing anything, so you need to be aware of this and look after yourself first. Keep your finances separate from his.'you emphasised that f.d. must not take oh's word about having everything 'under control'. You said it won't be, that f.d. MUST SEE IT FOR HERSELF.
I wish I could remember exactly how you put it: it was perfect.