Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

tgroom57

I'm reading back through the thread slowly.

Where he upset the children. Keep a diary of such things write down the date, names & details. And the effect on the children, obviously. If/when you split up he may push for access and having these details to hand will put you in a stronger position to have things on your terms. No good saying- he upsets the children, you need to be able to show actual instances.

Regarding explaining to the children you could reasonably say 'Daddy is working away from home for a while.'

Have you considered talking with Relate ?

pineapple123

Just read briefly and Gosh I can understand were you are coming from.

My DH is rubbish with money . He earns more than me but loves his hobbies and has a second place of residence- the pub which I rairly go to.
He moans when I ask for money but thinks nothing of buying a round costing £30 +
Would I be angry if he had massive debts- too right, help him out - no way.



Are you sure your not married to my husband.

financialdisease

He is quite positive after his call with SC I will update with the details later

Katiel15

I would never lease a car. Just coming to the end of a 3 year lease deal that husband took out with the aim of having a new car every 3 years. Our needs and lifestyle have changed since then and we don't need to run 2 cars. So when the lease car goes back next month we will have nothing to show for the deposit and 3 years of payments. At least if he had purchased then we would have something to sell or trade in. He arranged lease and I didn't really question it at the time. I wish I had. If we do need 2 cars again I will be happy to buy something smaller and older as a local run around.

tgroom57

financialdisease wrote: »

I
I am imaging helping him get a repayment plan in place stuff sorted best it can be taking him off t mortgage then asking him to go if this feeling of mistrust doesn't leave my inside feels empty after the most lovely and fun day out yesterday it just amplifies that I don't need him but I am just to used to him being here

My heart lept to my mouth when I read this.
You really need to find out if any of his stuff is secured against the house. I don't think it can be, because if the mortgage is in both names you would have had to sign to agree to his borrowing. But do talk to your lender.

financialdisease

One step forward and one back when I see his anger he peed off with all my questions and inability to understand his mess and snaps at me and all the gumph of not dealing with the debt giving up on life is draining me.

Car leasing seems his only option just now, im not taking onand a loan to buy one or giving him money from my or kids savings luckily for him step change see it as a necessity and have included it in his budget.

financialdisease

tgroom57 wrote: »

My heart lept to my mouth when I read this.
You really need to find out if any of his stuff is secured against the house. I don't think it can be, because if the mortgage is in both names you would have had to sign to agree to his borrowing. But do talk to your lender.

I have seen his credit file and have our mortgage statement which is also on my internet banking I can see there is no other borrowing unless there is a way to hide it?

jobbingmusician

When I started reading this, I thought 'he is still gambling'. Nothing I have read since convinces me otherwise.

I don't actually know that much about gambling addiction since we aren't allowed to discuss gambling on the MB board, but I would recommend that you contact http://www.gamanon.org.uk/ - which is for relatives. They will have lots of useful things to say to you, I'm sure. Obviously I can't tell how much of his problems are drink-related and how much are due to gambling, but I DO know that gambling eats money in a way which drinking doesn't.

If he 'could give up gambling any time', would he be prepared to self-exclude on all the online gambling sites he uses, with you watching? (And if you want a long, long, list of sites he could be a member of, I'm sure someone on the MB site could provide one!)

financialdisease

He didn't gamble on line it was the high stake machines in bookies loosing hundreds at a time

jobbingmusician

Oh, right. This is what misled me in thinking he was using online bookies, bt probably you weren't thinking of gambling debt at the time.

financialdisease wrote: »

... he always makes out he is computer illiterate but clearly not with the debt being all done online.

I would check with him whether he DOES have any online accounts as well, just in case.