Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

ampersand

fd - the reason I spoke of CAPUK was to beam you in to professional, expert support in an area where OH considers himself superior, different to everyone else, able to run rings around any audience, be it by charm, old-boys-ing, lies, buying a round or bullying.

They can certainly point you to a strong life-plan without Mr Emotional Thuggery on board, while also keeping your financial nuts and bolts impregnable.

Whatever he does now - even a cry for help gesture - don't blame yourself. Don't let him try that garbage again.

Did you tell stepchange that's where he'd gone? All the Charities know all the excuses, all the stories, all the scenarios. They've heard and seen everything - as have I. This is not hard-hearted or unkind to either of you, but an accurate observation from experience.

fd - you are still that swan[yes, we all know this metaphor]and no-one here will let you founder or sink or flail.

re: 'Its his second home' - no, fd. It's his only home, his lifestyle choice.

Where you and the children live is your home. You have been a fantastic solo parent for years.

Willowpop

FD, everything will work itself out one way or another, whether that means him leaving for good or temporarily. Your kids will be fine whatever happens because they have you. You are there for them. My parents split up and my mum was our rock, we came out fine. Look at your grown up friends, I'll bet a lot came from parents who separated and they are fine.
Look after yourself and the kids first, and then worry about everything else.
You're doing just great.

financialdisease

-taff wrote: »

because he hid it, and because you were happy with the kids, you didn't need to notice.

If he was feeling suicidal. the application of a few pints of depression on top of that may make him solve his problem for you......[I'm being facetious BTW]

Imo he is not suicidal he is using the word as a weapon that im not frightened off in my teenage years I was completely suicidal and know its not something that can be switched on and off like he is doing.

in_need_of_direction

I don't want to add to your worries but it was only when my friend's husband entered rehab for gambling addiction that he was diagnosed as suffering from cross addiction and was also alcohol dependent. It's just worth bearing in mind that you may just have uncovered the tip of that iceberg.

As to how you'll manage going forward, deep down you know that you've been coping alone for years. In truth it'll be easier if he's not there and your children will recognise that too. Stay strong but make sure you take care of you.

financialdisease

His drinking has never been a secret rightly or not it was ignored by everyone (our extended family can see it too) because our life was *good and normal* !!!!!!!!

Tink_04

Fd - I've been following this and I hope you can find a way through this either together or apart xx

financialdisease

Tink_04 wrote: »

Fd - I've been following this and I hope you can find a way through this either together or apart xx

Thanks tink xxx

at the beginning I never considered this separating us my automatic reaction was to get through this together as the days have passed more information comes out his reactions get more and more ridiculous giant alarm bells are screaming out that he has never cared about us during his spiral of selfish spending and maybe we can't get through it.

When_the_going_gets_tough

Remeber you do have the option to split up for now and if he has a light bulb moment and decides to turn his life around for the sake of you all it is possible to come together again. Nothing has to be for ever.

financialdisease

When_the_going_gets_tough wrote: »

Remeber you do have the option to split up for now and if he has a light bulb moment and decides to turn his life around for the sake of you all it is possible to come together again. Nothing has to be for ever.

He doesn't see this as an option says once he is gone thats it, he would rather be an absent dad than part time dad I don't know if I believe him, he loves the kids and they love him.

thesim

Sounds like he's clutching at straws. Sort of a 'if you want me fight for me' thing. From what you've been saying, I don't think he would be an absent dad. Maybe not the best whilst drinking/gambling, but if he did kick those, then there is hope. I think the absent dad is another play on your emotions.