Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

When_the_going_gets_tough

Good luck FD - it worries me a bit that his first call is to say he can't cope without you financially - that doesn't work for anyone - we all have to be able to cope if left on our own - what matters is that he wants to be in a relationship with you so much that he will turn financial somersaults to make that happen. It does seem as if he is putting the cart before the horse - but maybe he is being more sensible in his conversation than I am giving him credit for. Good luck x

ClootiesMum

Please tell me he first said he couldn't cope without you all because he loved you?

in_need_of_direction

I wouldn't get hung up on how he's structuring things, he's talking. My concern would be his accepting that he needs to up skill financially as there are no guarantees that you will always be there and fit and well.

ampersand

'he still says he can't cope without us financially'...

What???? This doesn't wash, fd. It's an absurdity.
wtggt - I think you are being kind re:'it worries me a bit that his first call is to say he can't cope without you financially' It's way more than that!

He needs to be saying this to CAPUK or Stepchange of himself, not of you. If you must, lay these 2 Help options before him. That's as far as you can go for anyone, regardless of any personal connection. That's all you do, fd. He could have done the same already, but he hasn't.

Why do I have a feeling he has kept reading here since that first flare-up? There's no pretty way out and I'm sensing an element of 'the game's up' dawning at last.

This is not yours to take ownership of, fd. Don't do so. Pursue the viable future that is essential for your own and your children's security, sanity, safety.

Young people will often be acute and clear-sighted about adult failings. However, they particularly sense and recognise hypocrisy long before they know the word. You would relive so much in Frith's posts....but then you can be encouraged by where she is now, where her growing, interesting, developing boys are.

I'll be thinking of you, fd - with such strong hopes for you ringing CAPUK tmrw and beginning a real Life, full of attainable targets and exciting turn-around potential.

financialdisease

What will phoning a debt helpline do to Help me?

hettiecarro

Hi
Returning to financial matters for a moment.
My Grandson has Aspergers and my Son and Daughter in law get DLA benefit for him. Are you getting this?
If not you should apply - and get it paid to YOU.
Hettie

-taff

She hasn't actually said her child has aspergers. Smoeone else referred to her as disabled.
Please don't jump to conclusions. 'Normal' children self harm too.

edit - Missed that bit then

financialdisease

hettiecarro wrote: »

Hi
Returning to financial matters for a moment.
My Grandson has Aspergers and my Son and Daughter in law get DLA benefit for him. Are you getting this?
If not you should apply - and get it paid to YOU.
Hettie

No I haven't applied for it, I didn't know I could until last month the form is half complete in my cupboard in all its scariness! Its weird because I don't feel like I should be paid extra for being her Mum she was a pain in the butt (said jokingly) before her diagnosis things are just the same now.

hettiecarro

-taff wrote: »

She hasn't actually said her child has aspergers. Smoeone else referred to her as disabled.
Please don't jump to conclusions. 'Normal' children self harm too.

Apologies - I misunderstood.

financialdisease

hettiecarro wrote: »

Apologies - I misunderstood.

I did say that, then deleted it but was to late as it has been quoted. Her diagnosis is just so fresh and raw (10weeks ago) that im still coming to terms with it and didn't want the emotions to run wild.