Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

financialdisease

Our oldest really doesn't cope with stress she inadvertently mildly self harms to deal with stress she doesn't understand it's self harm because she is not going out of her way to hurt herself it's her bad habit in her eyes heart breaking in mine.

Brenny

financialdisease wrote: »

Our oldest has aspergers and really doesn't cope with stress she inadvertently mildly self harms to deal with stress she doesn't understand it's self harm because she is not going out of her way to hurt herself it's her bad habit in her eyes heart breaking in mine.

Oh, FD, that is heart breaking. I have personal experience of aspergers and self harming in our family so really feel for you.

You really do need to speak to someone professional about all of this because you are going to need support in person with just your daughter's problems alone, nevermind trying to sort out the rest of the sorry mess. But talk to someone.

ampersand

Oh fd - what a toxic lump you're landed with. But you're into the jettison stage now, because your girls are more important.

On a Thread I regard as my mse staple[5 OS pleasures in your day]there is a great young Mum of 2 splendid sons. Her i.d. is Frith. I'd say her ex-OH and yours might as well be clones. Younger Frith son is on the spectrum too, and was hideously mishandled at recent primary school.

You could look back to see how fantastically she is remaking their lives, notwithstanding blips, grot neighbour-y incidentals, all the usual swill of life's downers, but the up's are there too. Ex OH is not one of them. Frith repaid all his debts as part of being rid of him[a serial take-her-to-Court con artist and emotional mangler] runs her mortgage well, is canny with her limited £s, has just acquired an allotment.

Welcoming newbies is one of those OS Pleasures...it's not a treadmill and it doesn't take long to see what a vast spread of peeps and lives we have on board.

Now, it's high time you kicked this 2nd BusPass Ancience off to bed...where I seem to recall I was going hours ago.

We're already tomorrow and my Aberdonian Aunt in NZ has just emailed. Little do they know I'll be nearly there in a week. Snug hugs to you and your girls. Will you put kettle on for our late bedtime drink or will I?

financialdisease

Brenny wrote: »

Oh, FD, that is heart breaking. I have personal experience of aspergers and self harming in our family so really feel for you.

You really do need to speak to someone professional about all of this because you are going to need support in person with just your daughter's problems alone, nevermind trying to sort out the rest of the sorry mess. But talk to someone.

We have been really lucky her school is amazing so supportive and caring she has been having therapy for it she doesn't know about the aspirations
I will go look for the thread and have a read.

Night night xx I will stamp on his ankle by accident on my way to put the kettle on

quidsy

Threats work. Tell him straight that if he starts to f with the kids emotions he will be gone that same day and seeing the kids will only be an option once he grows up. Yes aren't I mean, poor dad being refused access to his kids, well you know what, the kids are more important. If he wants to emotional blackmail his wife using the kids then she needs to removed to damaging person from the equation.

Pixie5740

What a selfish !!!!!hole. Imagine upsetting his own daughter like that. There really is no excuse.

Your OH seems to had a bad case of Peter Pan Syndrome.

Big hugs.

Willowpop

Do your girls know about his debts? If he is going down the route of upsetting them like that, then I think if it was me, I would sit the girls down and explain the situation. You don'tneed to panic them, or give rthem all of the gritty details, just tell them that he has got himself into some problems with money and is struggling to work out how to fix them....This is why he is snappy and might say some weird stuff...BUT mummy is fine, the girls and mummy have no worries as Daddy's money is separate so there is no need for the girls to worry at all because mummy has it all sorted out and has money enough for them.
Something like that anyway. Something to put their minds at rest and explain a little about his behaviour.
At least then they will be able to understand a little. I have a daughter and she worries if she doesn'tknow what Iis going on. She is fine if she knows even the smallest bit of info that explains stuff.
I think the others have said just about everything else, you're strong and you and your girls will come out of this just fine.... and there are a lot of us thinking of you, sometimes we don'tpost , but we are still here.
Big hugs.

financialdisease

Willowpop I will think over explaining to them in a child friendly manner

eyeopener2

The frustrating thing about this, ok ONE of the frustrating things about this is that it's so easy to sort the debt situation out.

Ok, it takes a change in mind set to follow it through, but setting up a debt management plan is so easy. You just write to your creditors ( the debt charities even provide a template letter), work out a budget and whatever is left gets split ,between your debts. You get a bit of flak from creditors, but they are just computer generated rubbish. I actually loved dealing with them and the phone calls.

You pay your money every month, you get used to living frugally and then one day, it's over.

Easy, really simple, and thousands if not millions of people have done it. Including many contributors to this thread.

It's far easier than negotiating to see your children twice a month.

Older_But_Not_Wiser

Morning FD

I've been following your posts from the start but haven't commented as the other posters have given such wonderful advice and support and I don't have anything of value to add.

I did just want to say that I think you are being just amazing and I'm loving the new confidence/ firmness in your recent posts as it seems to me that you've made that mental adjustment to being on your own (at least emotionally and financially) and that you've accepted that you will have to build your own future without his support.

You sound happier already (and justifiably angry :rotfl::T)
x