Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

meer53

FD, he needs to be shocked into action. You keep giving him chances and opportunities to try to weasel his way round you and get his own way.

You should stop it. Give him the shock he needs, tell him he needs to sort out his mess and that you're not going to help him. You need to focus on yourself and the children, forget about him. Leave him to it.

It wasn't until i found the courage to kick my ex out that i realised what an absolute doormat i'd been, and i was so angry with myself. I spent years making excuses for him being a right t*at.

Once i put myself and the kids first, it was like the sun coming out on a rainy day. You'll feel like this one day, i promise. But not whilst he's there, dragging you down with him.

Miss_Poohs

Pfft it's not easy FD is it?
My OH didn't dive straight into action mode, it took time to filter through.
It was a struggle and I think I've said before I will probably never trust him with money.
I'm glad we've battled through together - but would I do it again....I'm not sure, and that's the brutal truth. I love him dearly but it really hasn't been easy.
In the end I told his mother about the debt, because she was getting phone calls to her house looking for him, and she thought the debt was mine. I also told my dad, and a very close friend about the situation, I hated doing it but I really to share with those I knew I could trust.
Not much help am I?

eyeopener2

Funny you should bring up telling people Miss Poohs but my wife told her parents (who did go a bit overboard tbh) and her Dad went to see my Mum and told all, so I was right in the thick of it. So my entire houses of cards had collapsed in about 10 days. Wonga clearing our bank account on the 1st April 2010 didn't help either, that was the lowest point in my entire life.

However I held my hands up, apologised and was determined to prove to them all that I had the wherewithal to change, and I did.

Maybe sometimes you really have to be at the bottom to kick you into action?

If he has anything about him, he can do the same. I might sound like I'm blowing my own trumpet here,I'm really not, but I'm just trying to show you from my personal experience what can happen IF YOU WANT IT TO.

If you don't, well, you end up bankrupt and seeing your kids every other weekend.

Pixie5740

What a dobber indeed

financialdisease

Pixie5740 wrote: »

What a dobber indeed

Such a great descriptively inoffensive swear word

JustAboutThere

financialdisease wrote: »

Such a great descriptively inoffensive swear word

The one I like, first heard on a diary here, is twonk.

Keep going, you can do this.

Paypeanuts

FD - you need to think about whether you want your life to be shared going forward with your OH. It's a serious decision.

Nobody can decide that but you.

Your OH needs to decide if he wants to be with you going forward. Nobody can decide that but him.

If you don't want to be with him, then protect yourself financially and ask him to leave. Give no further thought to his debt, it won't be your problem.

If you want him to be with you, and he wants to be with you, then spell out the only conditions under which it will happen.

I think you should talk to your best friend. It's what best friends are for.

financialdisease

Thanks I realised that I need to talk to someone even if its just too make better sense of my thoughts.

ampersand

Glad to see you fd. You are supposed to be getting the best of the sunshine today.
Just wanted you to know you're being thought of, with lots of care, strength and real resolve being zapped your way with the Send button.
What's your plan for today, if any? Out with children again? Time with Mum?
Big hugs, whatever you decide.

:EasterBun:easter_ba:easter_os:icotbaske

Have the whole lot a day early:)

AliceBanned

I've been in relationships which were destructive to me in the past and I got exactly the same "you made me do it". These people are in complete denial so there's no point arguing with them. Try to stay centred and learn to trust yourself fully. Then you will find the answers. .

I look back now and realise that any relationship I was questioning was basically a wrong 'un. You can't see that at the time because of all the mud slinging they do. :mad:

Also, about talking to friends about it - often at the time you are so embroiled and you do feel embarrassed about it - I know I did. And friends are in the position of not wanting to criticise a relationship - there is a bit of a taboo around that. The emotional pain isn't visible so they won't necessarily know that anything is wrong. It isn't that they don't want to know. Also sometimes a professional can help more due to their wealth of experience - I have heard that Relate are very good - you don't have to be going forward with your partner - they can help you look at the relationship from your side and decide what to do when you are ready.

I agree with everyone else on here though - he needs to change and you deserve better. It's not your fault, just remember that.:)