Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

financialdisease

Thank you I really want to say I have been so touched and amazed by the care and understanding I have been shown in all your replies. I came here expecting financial advice and am completely bowled over by how much compassion can be felt from reading a few sentences ♥

We are off to the beach all 4 of us, the atmosphere feels completely flat he is feeling all down a d devastated at the thought of loosing us!!!!! Good god words are puzzling

lilbert

financialdisease wrote: »

Thank you I really want to say I have been so touched and amazed by the care and understanding I have been shown in all your replies. I came here expecting financial advice and am completely bowled over by how much compassion can be felt from reading a few sentences ♥

We are off to the beach all 4 of us, the atmosphere feels completely flat he is feeling all down a d devastated at the thought of loosing us!!!!! Good god words are puzzling

Maybe he's experiencing the wakeup call he needed. Enjoy yourselves!! Sounds like you rarely get time actually together as a family.

Halfway_home

Good luck, hope you enjoy the day at the beach - your OH sounds like he needs a big shock to make him see sense I hope so much that he gets it soon and you can start trying to tackle this together.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best

ampersand

Hello fd - I'm just looking in before bed. hwb's waiting:-) and early carboot start tmrw with Vicar+husband[clearance of his Uncle's effects, so the dealers will swarm] I am happily there as the evil side of the equation to balance things up a bit:-) I know the dealer mindset and manoeuvres.

Have been thinking of you during various quiet times/services today, hoping you and the children have had the sort of family normalcy which is born of happy, simple things and silliness and sandcastles and probably some grizzles and Easter eggs and FUN and pics to look at later.

This is also OH's required reading, without which, he simply fails his Coursework and is thrown off.

Enjoy another day like it tomorrow - and - if I DO have all my crimbo's at once, come Tuesday, we'll see you've made some more progressive phonecalls and appointments. This is your pathway now, your strength.

This is YOUR Easter, with all this signifies.

financialdisease

It's not been great he has been sulky and wallowing and snappy I don't have anything hood to add it seems to be getting more miserable, I am hoping to have something better to post on Tuesday.

Thank you again for your kind words and thoughts xxx

marliepanda

financialdisease wrote: »

It's not been great he has been sulky and wallowing and snappy I don't have anything hood to add it seems to be getting more miserable, I am hoping to have something better to post on Tuesday.

Thank you again for your kind words and thoughts xxx

I really feel for you, you se so honest, generous and genuine.

I do think you need to read your signature and apply it your own life, however tough that might be.

*hugs*

financialdisease

marliepanda wrote: »

I really feel for you, you se so honest, generous and genuine.

I do think you need to read your signature and apply it your own life, however tough that might be.

*hugs*

Thank you

Very very good point! !!!!

I never noticed that before, it's the same on another forum.

He isn't reading along, he is acting like the victim that I'm playing hideous mind games with? Emotional blackmail is rearing it's ugly head.

I want to help him organise the debts get a recovery plan in place then start a new chapter in our lives separately but still strong for the girls they love both their mum and dad I want that to continue. I am not confident he has it in him to be as grown up, level headed and responsibil a situation like the one ahead needs

thesim

I too have been reading along. You are in my thoughts, it sounds like you are struggling now.

Just wanted to post to say do not let him use emotional blackmail. The minute he realises it works then you open the floodgates to further emotional blackmail. Speaking from past experience, put your foot down. It's hard, I know, I've been in that position. The best thing I did was ditch the guy. The second best thing was putting my foot down. Thinking of you and your children. And even OH who is obviously hoping debt will magically disappear.

ampersand

financialdisease wrote: »

It's not been great he has been sulky and wallowing and snappy ...........

###
...but your other 2 children had a decent time?:)

'I want to help him organise the debts get a recovery plan in place' - again fd, it's NOT for you to do this. You can't. Only he can. But he has to want it first and there is not a single sign of this happening.
Your daughters will love him if/when he's a real person again. Children are canny[esp. wee girls] They'll perhaps be confused at frist by emotional blackmail which will be cunningly worked on each person's weakest spot, using a lot of effort that would be better spent on crisis self-recognition. None of you need give it house-room, head-space, or worry time. Adopt a same-old, same-old 'bo-o-o-o-ring' air with it[should last about 2 secs at most, then Ignore].. OH is just the least biddable of your children, except you haven't even any shared genes/ blood with him.

Just let it run its course on the sidelines of your life and get on with your own forward planning.

You may not realise it, but these steps and pendulum swings are real progress, restoring life, using the strengths and qualities in yourself you first set out for us - and for yourself. Read them again: you are a real survivor, a marvellous Mum, and at core, a strong, healthy person in mind and body. What a fantastic woman, friend, daughter, saver, manager, rôle model for 2 fine young girls! I hope there's been a bit of shared kitchen stuff too[just to be sexist:-)]

Bung some flour, salt, yeast[free@Tesco]and lard in a bowl with water and all have a go at some bread.

financialdisease

Thanks

I am 100% not taking it, I keep reminding him firmly that HE created this situation, HE clearly couldn't give a bleeb about when he was wasting and gambling the money he said himself that he never thought of us and was still at it up until last week! He asked our oldest would she miss him if he moved out absolutely raging with that she was sobbing saying please no. All of this is making me see how selfish he is.