Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

When_the_going_gets_tough

In that case I don't think he has really faced up to his situation. Any parent worth their salt puts their children first and would walk over hot coals for them - and you do this without counting the cost. I think he has a huge mountain to climb to face reality as a grown up. So sorry OP.

Bonniepurple

When_the_going_gets_tough wrote: »

Remeber you do have the option to split up for now and if he has a light bulb moment and decides to turn his life around for the sake of you all it is possible to come together again. Nothing has to be for ever.

This :grouphug:

Cottage_Economy

financialdisease wrote: »

He doesn't see this as an option says once he is gone thats it, he would rather be an absent dad than part time dad I don't know if I believe him, he loves the kids and they love him.

Emotional blackmail again. Laying the groundwork for making out you are a bad parent for pushing him down this road and 'making' him be an absent dad.

It's his decision to be an absent father, not yours.

financialdisease

Im not letting any of the absent dad, rather be dead, life's not worth it blah blah blah comments under my skin I don't believe him, he dug this hole and he can get a grip act like a dad or the kids will be better off without him.

When_the_going_gets_tough

Fd you are so right. Being a father - or a mother is not easy but it's what you sign up for when you have children. I think nothing else makes you grow up so fast!

JustAboutThere

financialdisease wrote: »

Im not letting any of the absent dad, rather be dead, life's not worth it blah blah blah comments under my skin I don't believe him, he dug this hole and he can get a grip act like a dad or the kids will be better off without him.

Good girl!

hettiecarro

You have at last seen through the façade.
You have given him every opportunity over the last 2 weeks to hold his hands up and accept responsibility for his actions.
If he would really prefer to be an absent father than sort this out, you will be so much better without him.
You are an incredibly strong person and now it is time to put that strength and energy into what really matters - you and your childrens' welfare/future.
Let him make his move and walk away. You have enough to cope with without another 'child' on your hands.
Turn your attention to the practicalities of moving on.
Make sure you know exactly what you are entitled to financially when he leaves. Get your Mum and friends on board for emotional and practical help. Find out where you stand as far as your home is concerned.
Get that DLA application sorted. You don't seem to think you deserve this, but as has been mentioned previously, to deal with a child with Aspergers takes patience and incurs extra expense. It may be you will decide to take a mobility car instead of the actual money - which will help you keep you and the children mobile.
PLEASE PLEASE start to turn your energies to protecting yourself.
You and the children deserve happiness - and you particularly need to be kind to yourself.
You have already been living the life of a single parent and will find life a lot happier doing it without one hand tied behind your back.
Children are very resilient and one parent providing love and
a happy home will be far better than two parents living in a constant war zone.
Hettie
xx

financialdisease

Thanks this place has already got me looking at new ways of boosting my income and savings! I already make an overpayment of £20 a month to the olf
d further advance would I be daft to make an overpayment of the same amount to the mortgage?

How long will it take for tax credits to kick in when he moves out, do I need anything to lrove he is going? I asked again about him phoning to change the electtic and council tax dds to my name and account but no happened yet.


I have a £3k student loan since 1998 that I have barely paid anything back to because my salary is under the limit for collection would it be worth me setting up a direct debit for a small payment £10/20 a month

giblet1979

Hi FD,
I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time
I just wanted to say that I don't think it's worth overpaying a student loan. It will be taken when your earnings are over the cut off and is written off later in life if you never earn enough. If I was you, I would overpay what you can to other debts, or into savings, and leave this to take care of itself. I believe that Martin Lewis has said similar about student loan debts himself in the past.
Good luck with everything,
Gib x

Standingtall

giblet1979 wrote: »

Hi FD,
I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time
I just wanted to say that I don't think it's worth overpaying a student loan. It will be taken when your earnings are over the cut off and is written off later in life if you never earn enough. If I was you, I would overpay what you can to other debts, or into savings, and leave this to take care of itself. I believe that Martin Lewis has said similar about student loan debts himself in the past.
Good luck with everything,
Gib x

Good morning FD

I hope you managed to get a little sleep last night. Regarding tax credits, when my ex left the family home I did not need to prove anything so hopefully that had not changed (admittedly it was 6 years ago).

The payments started after about a fortnight or so.

Good luck and take a look at my signature for some words of wisdom.

ST