Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

financialdisease

Miss_Poohs wrote: »

What do you mean by a holding letter?
Is he intending to set up his own DMP?
I would say each card, loan or O/D would need it's own letter.
I'm not sure where you stand with interest and charges on a self administered DMP, I know with DAS all interest and chargers are frozen once the DAS I'd accepted, also the creditors are not allowed to contact you either to hassle you for payment.

Its s template on cab site just to make them aware of your financial difficulties and ask to feeze any interest its nothing formal.

Don't know if there's any point he has just told me he is speaking to an insolvency practitioner tomorrow for advice on going br, and a solicitor about signing the house over to me.

Fuvking idiot being a selfish immature !!!!!!! :mad: im mad now :mad:

girlsmum

i have just read through this thread, and i think you are an amazing person for trying to deal with this for him; however i think he is in denial still, he knows you will sort it out. Also i hope i am wrong, but i think his gambling is worse than he tells you. The reason i know my dad was a compulsive gambler, my mum was like you a saver, but he put her (and in many ways me and my sisters) through hell, letting her bale him out time and time again. He used to withdraw cash off the credit cards to find his gambling, and in the latter part of his life he gambled on-line.
when he passed away we found he has over £20k of debts, thankfully we contacted the companies on behalf of my mum and as they were unsecured they were written off.
the sad thing is he stopped for a while, but like any addiction you cannot go back to it ever.
having the amount of debt he has with nothing to show for it screams gambling, it would not surprise me either if he goes to the pub alone and puts most of his £100 weekly allowance in the slot machines. Sadly if he will not/does not realise he has a problem cannot be helped. Also you state he gifts you big sums of money birthday's , mothers day ...my dad used to do that with my mum bye her an item of jewelry or even booked foreign holiday's would always coincide with a big win. Compulsive gamblers are very good at deceit too.

I really hope he can help himself, without that you cannot help him

x

Miss_Poohs

Oh FD let him wire in - but if he goes bankrupt and you have a joint mortgage, be very very careful, seek advice of your own x

coolcait

OP, you've had a lot of good advice on your threads, but here's the bottom line.

None of this can or will be sorted until your OH gets [STRIKE]his sorry arris[/STRIKE] himself in touch with a money adviser, and is completely honest about his income, his expenditure, all his debts, and the reasons why he has run up that debt.

The money adviser won't judge him on any of those things, but he/she needs the info to help work out the best way for your OH to deal with the debt.

In Scotland, DAS is a great option. I'm a huge fan of DAS, as Miss Poohs can probably tell you [waves to Miss Poohs]. Especially if you have a property with equity in it.

If you don't have a property, or if you have a property with no equity in it, then my view is that bankruptcy is better than a trust deed. Generally speaking.

The differences arise if you work in financial services. In those circumstances, a TD is better than bankruptcy. But DAS is still probably better than a TD if you are able to pay back all of your debt, but just need some time - as long as your OH is prepared, if necessary, to make his HR aware that DAS is basically a Debt Management Plan with legal protection.

If he's not able/capable of doing that, then a DMP - with the support of an organisation like Citizens Advice, Council money advisers, StepChange - is far better than the situation you're in just now. Or his vague promises to write to all creditors.

Miss_Poohs

Hi CC *waves back* great to see you x

coolcait

financialdisease wrote: »

Its s template on cab site just to make them aware of your financial difficulties and ask to feeze any interest its nothing formal.

Don't know if there's any point he has just told me he is speaking to an insolvency practitioner tomorrow for advice on going br, and a solicitor about signing the house over to me.

Fuvking idiot being a selfish immature !!!!!!! :mad: im mad now :mad:

Miss_Poohs wrote: »

Oh FD let him wire in - but if he goes bankrupt and you have a joint mortgage, be very very careful, seek advice of your own x

OP, this is for anyone who finds him/herself in your situation:

Miss Poohs is absolutely right. Get advice of your own. The only thing I would add to that advice is - get it now!! Seriously.

Drop everything, and go and see a free sector money adviser as soon as they open tomorrow. Tell the adviser the whole story, and ask them to give you their comments in writing, so that you can look at it later. But take note anyway.

The next part may break internet protocol, but I think it's worth emphasising:

DO NOT LET HIM SIGN THE HOUSE OVER TO YOU IF HE'S PLANNING TO GO BANKRUPT.

I'll repeat that to be sure that it's clear:

DO NOT LET HIM SIGN THE HOUSE OVER TO YOU IF HE'S PLANNING TO GO BANKRUPT.

If there's any equity in the property then:

i) that equity will be part of the bankruptcy, and

ii) he won't be able to avoid that fact by signing the house over to you. The technical term is 'gratuitous alienation'.

Best case scenario is that you get hassled by his trustee in bankruptcy, but manage to keep the house. Will the hassle be worth it?

Worst case scenario is that you get hassled; you pay for legal representation; but you lose the house anyway (albeit you get your share of the equity)

If you only take one message from this thread, let it be this:

Please get your own, independent (preferably free) advice right now.

Because if your OH was posting these things in his own right, I would probably be crying 'troll!'.

That's how much of a line he's feeding you. Most of it's nonsense - and dangerous nonsense at that.

Get your own real-life advice. Please.

Scritti

financialdisease wrote: »

My friends find it odd that we are so okay with being apart and that it doesn't bother me that he doesn't take the same holidays off work as me and the kids but chooses to take them whenever suits him.

Wow! I honestly don't wish to be rude - you sound like a lovely person and I wish you the very best that this gets sorted out - but the situation you wrote above IS odd!

What kind of father takes different holidays to his wife and children?? I have honestly never heard of this sort of thing before. Did I miss something? Is he not their biological dad? (not that that should matter - I brought up an autistic stepson). I just can't get my head around not wanting to spend holidays with your children giving them as happy a time as possible whilst they are still young.

And you wrote in another post that he hates doing the activities that you love to do and vice versa. Wouldn't you rather spend your life with someone who shares your passions and interests??

You seem happy apart from this financial situation. I really hope that is true and you're not just settling with what you've ended up with. I don't know him obviously but, from everything that you've written so far about this man, he sounds like the sort of bloke I'd cross the street to avoid.

Whatever happens, I genuinely wish you well.

fatbelly

financialdisease wrote: »

... we have a mortgage of £36k with12 years left on our house worth around £60.

financialdisease wrote: »

Don't know if there's any point he has just told me he is speaking to an insolvency practitioner tomorrow for advice on going br, and a solicitor about signing the house over to me.

Fuvking idiot being a selfish immature !!!!!!! :mad: im mad now :mad:

Hopefully he gets advice from both about the stupidity of both courses of action.

hettiecarro

Hi
Sorry - but I honestly believe he is only concerned that the 'cashcow' is running dry.
I am flabbergasted at some of his reactions - but I must say I am also concerned that you will allow this man to do this to you and your children.
For goodness sake get a grip of this situation - from YOUR angle, before he sinks you both into disaster.
Would send you a smile - but you probably won't like my comments - but they are meant kindly.
Hettie
x

asparagus1968

you can't just sign over a house to someone, ie take one persons name off the mortgage.
you would have to do a re-mortgage in your name only, could you afford a mortgage?

he is off out again tonight. you have given him a list of things to. you have told him how, and got all the information, and got all the addresses for him.



this exact thing happened to my very dear friend. OH had a gambling issue in his early years, got in under control for a very long time, then again gambled, secretly, got into massive debt, she only found out when she realised her house and car insurance had been cancelled, months previously, she tried her best to help him, he said the same about signing house over joint mortgage, can't be done) etc etc.
one day she came home to a note- "sorry".
house was sold, undervalue for a quick sale. she and two young adult sons had to all find somewhere to live, luckily with friends who let them stay.
she had £20,000 debt after house sale money ran out.
he just "disappeared"( don't mean literally, just cut all contact)

my best wishes to you, so sorry.