Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

Jenniefour

financialdisease wrote: »

Don't know if there's any point he has just told me he is speaking to an insolvency practitioner tomorrow for advice on going br, and a solicitor about signing the house over to me.

OP, your OH's response is very worrying and you may need to seek legal advice of your own if he is not willing to sit down and talk calmly with you about all this.

1. Do not go to any of the companies that advertise, and do not let your OH go either. This has to be a joint effort and I would be very wary of letting him go out there on his own from what I've read so far. Go to Stepchange. Or other organisations that are free and other posters have recommended.

2. Going bankrupt is the very, very last resort and has long term consequences. Yes, it's right for some but in your position now it's not the way to go - you need to find out if the debts can be paid back, in a managed way, first. And if you go bankrupt that may mean losing your house. There is no reason to risk that unless it turns out there isn't a workable alternative.

3. The house will not be able to be signed over to you because your earnings are not high enough to take over the mortgage on your own. That's a fact.

4. What worries me is your OH's premature shoot-from-the-hip approach suggests, at the very least, that he thinks there's an easy way out. It might also suggest that there is more debt that you don't know about - I hope that doesn't turn out to be the case.

5. You need to quit being afraid of confrontation - he has no right to be angry with you - you have every right to be angry with him. I would recommend that you tell your parents or a good friend who will back you up with looking for sensible solutions here. You can't do this on your own. OH needs to be willing to sit down and discuss this in a mature manner and agree to seek help from the organisations suggested. And follow to the letter the proposed solution.

Good luck

satchmo1

I've been reading everyone's wise exhortations of getting legal advice and of believing that there's far more to come out of this pit.


Several pleas to FD:


Get your own legal advice asap - like today. You've been sitting on this worry since last week, and sorry to be harsh but you're sitting on a bomb and need to get off NOW.


If OH goes to solicitor / advisor, he'll be paying for advice that he can get for nothing from CAP or one of the other charities.


If OH goes to solicitor / advisor, INSIST on going with him. He won't want this, tough, give him no option. You didn't want the debt, he gave YOU no option but to be there. He is jeopardising your home, and has already demolished your security.


Insist that he gets every bit of paper together tonight, with a view to drawing up a realistic budget tomorrow night. No excuses, no pub, no dawdling home.


If he goes bankrupt, he may jeopardise his job, have you thought of that? Who'd want financial services advice from a bankrupt? Not me, thanks. It is probably viewed as an organisational risk of fraud to have a bankrupt? What does his contract of employment say?


Insist he goes to Gamblers Anonymous.


If only one piece of that advice is taken, please make it the GET LEGAL ADVICE part.

financialdisease

Im running out of energy and words to type

lilbert

((((hugs)))) You need to do what's best for you and your family. Maybe talk it all through with an official (FREE) debt advisor might help you think more clearly.

JustAboutThere

financialdisease wrote: »

Im running out of energy and words to type

I'm not surprised. You've been hit with this news and at every turn its getting bigger and badder with more serious consequences for yourself and your children.

At this stage, there's not much more you can do (apart from seeking some legal advice as mentioned up-thread) until you and your OH sit down and have a serious discussion. It can't be wishy-washy and it probably will entail some form of confrontation - it doesn't have to be nasty. But your OH has to front up and discuss this.

Do you have family or friends who can take the children overnight so you don't have to worry about them and you can focus on the issue(s) at hand?

Take care and good luck.

Jenniefour

Couldn't agree more with post from Satchmo1. Although you both enjoy a degree of independence that others have found concerning it is vitally important that the two of you act together to deal with the debt in a thought through wise manner. Make sure that OH doesn't attend any meetings about this without you. If, for any reason, this doesn't happen then you need to seek immediate legal advice to protect yourself and the children.

I don't usually contribute on this board. The reason I have is that it touches a nerve for me - my cousin was in exactly the same position as yourself some years ago - her husband had built up debt by gambling. Several times she thought they had agreed how to deal with the debt - only to find he had arranged more credit lines without her knowledge. He was saying all the things she wanted to hear and she believed him. In the end the house was repossessed and at that point she realised that no matter how committed she was to the marriage and to solving the debt problems he was sabotaging her at every turn because he was not willing to address his addictive gambling behaviour. She decided to end the marriage and was left with nothing. She then brought up their daughters on her own - very successfully. She's fine now, and her daughters are fine but she will never ever recover the massive financial loss. The mistake she made was not getting out earlier when it became apparent he was incurring more debt whilst she was busily working away trying to pay off previous debt. She trusted him far too much.

I hope this is not going to be the case for you, and that your OH is going to demonstrate he is willing to work with you on this, be upfront about his debt so you both know what you're dealing with and address his gambling behaviour as a matter of urgency.

Chin

like some others on this thread, i've not posted on this board for over 3 years but your story made me recover my lost password and feel like i have to input.
what you have done over the years and to this very date is incredible and it sounds like you are a single mother from the way you describe your relationship with your partner.
you manage exceptionally well on your own and i can't see any benefits of being with this man. he is a drain on your resources and energy and clearly does not give a hoot.

you need to ask yourself, and be honest - how would he feel / react if you were to end the relationship and leave him on his own to deal with this mess?
it sounds like he is more interested in getting p*ssed in the pub each night than spending quality time with his family.

the truth hurts as you have discovered - but this man is a grade A loser and you would be better off without him.

satchmo1

Oh FD, I'm so sorry that you are feeling drained and empty, and I came back on to say that posters are (in the main) angry with your OH, and scared for you.


MSE Martin says there is always a solution to debt problems - but both of the couple need to be committed to finding and implementing that solution.

quidsy

I have just read this whole thread & wow, if I were in your place I would be seeking my own legal advice on how to protect my kids home.

Quite frankly I amazed you are still making excuses for this pathetic excuse for a husband & father. He clearly has given zero thought to you in the years he has been gambling & drinking all this money away & seems to have little concern about the consequences to his family now, he also seems more than happy to have you deal with all the stress & worry.

What a great life he has, spunk away 10's of thousands of quid & let the mug wife deal with the fall out.

Sorry to be harsh but you need to start prioritising your kids over this waste of space.

Polk

chin. up.

you're doing something about it. focus on the positive.