Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

coolcait

FD, I'm going to repeat the point that you need to get advice for yourself.

Not - at this stage - advice on how to help your OH deal with his debts. Advice about your position.

For starters, you need to be clear about the fact that "who is on the mortgage" and "who owns the house" can be two very different things.

So.

1) Who owns the house? Just you? Just him? Both of you?

2) Who is "on the mortgage"? Just you? Just him? Both of you?

The answer to question one is important in terms of what will happen if your OH goes bankrupt. The rules on 'who gets what' are slightly different in Scotland.

The answer to question two is important for different reasons.

It's not surprising that your head is whirling at the moment, but part of that is because your focus is on making sure that your OH sorts out his debts - and you have no real control over that.

You do have control over what you do - getting information on the exact implications for you. What you can do about your own position.

Once you have that information, you can turn to working with your OH to try to sort out his debt.

As things stand, you're doing your damndest to fix things, but you're flailing around in the dark.

Ask yourself this: in practical terms, how much further forward are you now, compared to when the bombshell was first dropped?

I hold StepChange in high esteem, but I would recommend that you speak to your local CAB or Council money advice team tomorrow - about your situation.

Miss_Poohs

FD - please do as CC suggests - it's not a PC thing to say but in this situation I think it's justified "mind thy self" (and of course your wee ones). Once you know how to protect yourself you can move on from there.
It's a hellish situation - and you'll feel like a rung out old rag at times but you can't help your OH until he helps himself.
I can't tell you how much help and support the debt councillor from our local welfare rights office was, for both me and my OH.
Regardless of what your OH thinks he's not going to walk away from this smelling of roses, there will be consequences, you have to make sure you're not one of them x

financialdisease

I sent him the links for AIB re DAS and fpr step change he has had a look ans haa asked for a half day from work to come home and actually start doing something about it.

Miss_Poohs

Well....at least he's looking at other options, good luck x

asparagus1968

:grouphug:

financialdisease wrote: »

I sent him the links for AIB re DAS and fpr step change he has had a look ans haa asked for a half day from work to come home and actually start doing something about it.

brilliant news, lock the doors once he's in!
lets hope this is the first step to him getting sorted
don't be afraid to show/ tell him how you are feeling either, and make him aware of what his behaviour could cost you all as a family, and not just financially!
thinking of you and sending good wishes, good luck

dawnybabes

Let's hope he had his LBM - good luck x

financialdisease

dawnybabes wrote: »

Let's hope he had his LBM - good luck x

I'm not sure he has, as he is still insisting that he doesn't have a gambling addiction:eek: that it was blow outs :mad:

Jenniefour

financialdisease wrote: »

I'm not sure he has, as he is still insisting that he doesn't have a gambling addiction:eek: that it was blow outs :mad:

OP, firstly I'm glad to hear he's taking time off work today to sit down with you and make a plan, decide where to seek help.

If he's insisting his gambling is not an addiction (that's what all gambling addicted folks do when they're in denial) then the real test of that is can he stop now and never start again. People can get on the wagon for a while but often fall off after a few days, weeks, months. In the addiction services it's called "revolving door" - that people go for treatment, manage to stop their addictive behaviour for a while but then start again. It takes them a while (sometimes never) to understand the extent of the problem and stay off for good.

However, his "blow outs" have to stop, including going for a couple of pints after work - this is all good money that can be put into repaying the debt.

Good luck, OP, today.

quidsy

Would he be willing to hand over all control of his finances to you, so you get his cards & all passwords etc & he gets a weekly envelope of cash to deal with travel costs etc?

Cause really that is about the only way he will stop spending & stop gambling.

-taff

That won't stop him applying for credit off his own back though.