Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

comeandgo

No I certainly agree you are not all like that, two other men in my life testify to that.

Polk

Oh and I'm not saying he has depression - could be anything.

Pixie5740

sourcrates wrote: »

Oow lots of "man bashing" going on here ladies !!


please note we are not all of this ilk !!


I can make a decision, I think, but ??? ...oh, I dunno, what was I saying ? oh yes, cant decide ..........!!! :rotfl:lol


Seriously, we are not all that financially unsavvy, you girls have married the wrong men lol

I wasn't bashing all men, just this one infuriating one. He wasn't a bad person he just could not make a decision about anything and loved to procrastinate.

If all men were like him I would have become a lesbian a long time ago.

financialdisease

He read this, im not sure hkw much of it all I got was a message saying

Him "oh great, forums can save the world"
Me yeah especially when you have no one in real life to share it with.
Him "okay"

Thats it.


At his pace I never see it being fixed:mad:

FireWyrm

Paypeanuts wrote: »

I feel so bad for you hon, I really do. Unless the guy is willing to face up to it I just don't know where you go from here. What would really hurt me is the deception. I couldn't come back from that personally, I wouldn't be saying nice things to him like you are. You're clearly a much more lovely person than I am.

Speaking as one who faced this issue just a decade ago, I came to terms with it because I decided I wanted the man and the debts came too. It was a rocky road for a while there and I cant say it was easy, but we are still together after two decades. Now, I manage the finances, completely and utterly. He has no money of his own and no access to a bank account other than a joint one for petrol spending. He doesnt have credit at all and the last time I gave him a credit card was a disaster. Like living with a reformed drunk, it is just the way it is. You have to take control and decide whether there is a future, in which case, odds are you'll have to control all finances going forward, or there isnt.

-taff

financialdisease wrote: »

At his pace I never see it being fixed:mad:

Again, there is no quick fix to this. He's got a problem, he doesnt want to face it.

Either make him, or wait for him to do this. If you choose to wait, work out the worse case scenario [loss of home/savings etc], and decide whereabouts along that line you're going to to leave him to his own devices if he refuses to make a plan/get help.

Polk

financialdisease wrote: »

He read this, im not sure hkw much of it all I got was a message saying

Him "oh great, forums can save the world"
Me yeah especially when you have no one in real life to share it with.
Him "okay"

Thats it.


At his pace I never see it being fixed:mad:

Hang in there. this might just be denial.

ampersand

fd: your post 125 and entire sorrowful Thread confirms where you are - and grimly, sadly, where OH is, albeit in denial.........Square 1.

The time for realising why/whence arose the gambling and drinking displacement/distraction activity will be when he is fully on board with you in tackling the dysfunctional underbelly of his life.

The patterns he displays in the snippets of daily behaviour we garner are destructive and body abusive. Has there never been any family/kitchen activity and talking time at meals together? No communal/joint cooking, meal-planning?

You don't need a bread-maker to make bread, just a bowl, flour, salt, lard, water, rising agent[live yeast is free@Mr T]- and it's a great cathartic thing to do, for both of you and the children.

Apart from anything else - why weren't you reading this Thread together?

Don't give him wriggle room.

Equally, don't be drawn into debate over some of these posts.

You are heading for a meltdown, but I suspect he courts cataclysm.

FireWyrm has the answer.

Check out my signature, too.
https://www.capuk.org/i-want-help/cap-debt-help/cap-debt-help-in-scotland

OH should read here:
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan

OH may well sneer. Martin's opinion:
Christians Against Poverty
Debt counselling agency, which specialises in helping those who are emotionally struggling too. The religious focus is why they do it, not how they do it.

Link: Christians Against Poverty
Tel: 0800 328 0006
Opening times: different for each bureau

Read the whole page - this part's about 2/3rds down.

You both need help. It may be together. If not, you must do it alone, for yourself and the children. Ultimately this means you are doing something for him, too - as a by-product.
Online Forums may be mocked, but I'm not digging down and putting my head in the sand to use my computer.

pelirocco

financialdisease wrote: »

I don't think the car has to be of a certain value he only uses it sporadically for work previously he used my car bought by me with my savings a few years ago it got scrapped in September because the repair bill was more than the cars worth. He is swaying towards leasing a car a few friends do it, I don't know how it works. The holiday won't be cancelled its not unusual for us to go away without him, we have already been away this year and twice last year he always says its because of work or because he cant stand the Disney thing now I know its because of the guilt and debt.



In a selfish way I don't want to give him my money towards the debt, every penny I work for goes to our kids and if I have to shave that back then they are effected by it.

I cant increase my hours at work because of the nursery fees I had to reduce my hours when I went back to try to pay nursery fees they are around £470 a month I get £197 tax credits and £138 child benefit this month I took the remainder out of the house account sometimes I pay sometimes be pays.

He earns £26k a year and you earn £9k , every penny of your earnings goes on your kids ? You are doing a disney holiday already been away once this year and twice last year

And you wonder where the debt has come from? I'm sorry something is a bit odd here

financialdisease

Ampersand

I find most of your questions difficult to answer not because they are bad questions just because the answers are equally as bad as the rest

No we don't eat or shop or cook together, I eat with the kids at 5 he doesn't get home most days until 6-30 or 7 when he finishes at 5 and its a twenty minute bus ride away. I just got on with all this without the slightest bit of bother I know he is in a pub somewhere but his answer was I only have 1 or 2 pints and chat to the guys there. We don't watch tv together so can quite often be in different rooms I hate fiction and drama he likes it. It all sounds very sad but im not sad about it. My friends find it odd that we are so okay with being apart and that it doesn't bother me that he doesn't take the same holidays off work as me and the kids but chooses to take them whenever suits him. I guess we both enjoy having freedom and not being in each others pockets but having that special someone at home or when you need them most. I know my life would be different if I didn't have him or the kids I have made lots of the choices for their sake but I am truly okay with it.

I really want to get through it together its know its a massive deceit, too massive for many people to overcome strangely I think we can if we tackle it asap. I think if I was to tell our family they would be more disgusted and disappointed than I am so we have chosen to keep it from them I don't need the additional stress of them telling me how hideous he is and how stupid I have been