Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

marisco_2

You can't motivate someone else to lose weight. The most effective start to any change is when a person comes to their own conclusion that it needs to be done. I don't want to slate you for suggesting to your wife that she try on the swimming costume. You probably saw this as nothing more than trying to give her a reality check. Some people end up trying this type of approach because they're so frustrated. But it's actually likely to polarize the person on the receiving end. As and when she decides to address this issue then take the opportunities to say to her "I see you've got more energy," or "Those clothes fit really well." Those kind of comments will boost her confidence and self esteem and give her the encouragement to keep going.

FBaby

paulineb wrote: »

But junk food is everywhere. There are people who can regulate their food intake, can eat a quarter of a pizza for example, other people can't and won't.

Sugar is addictive and it's everywhere, even in some low fat so called healthy foods. It's in lots of alcohol as well.

I don't crave sugar, I'm not sweet toothed, savoury was always my downfall.

I crave sugar all the time and I love fast food yet when I take my kids to Mc Donalds as a treat I don't have anything because whereas my kids are dependent on me for that treat I know it would be easy for me to go regularly. The temptation is there so I just say no each time however much I want it.

paulineb_2

Cloudydaze wrote: »

Maybe the problem is that everyone expects things to be easy & instant these days.

I spent my 20s watching what I ate, restricting calorie intake. I also used to go to the gym several times a times a week. I'd reach my goal, relax, treat myself and then put weight on and so it continued.

However a revelation occurred in my 30s when I started cycling to work which increased my excercise to 2-3 hours per day. This is the amount of physical activity I need to do in order to eat what I want and be the size I want.

BUT IT IS NOT EASY!! Getting up and on a bike at 6:30 am on a dark, cold, wet winter morning is hard. VERY HARD.

So yes, it is a choice & it is a struggle. But I'd rather be thin & healthy, than fat. Those are the choices I make because of my love of chocolate.

Everyone responds to exercise in different ways. I do from 6-10 hours of exercise a week, more often 10 and it can be as much as 15, I do weights, thump boxing, metafit, 3 types of les mills grit, cyclefit and the odd spin session and I eat healthily. Ive reduced my portion sizes greatly. And the weight is still coming off, but more slowly than it was at the beginning. Thats fine. I absolutely agree that exercise helps people maintain their weight, but exercise alone wouldnt make me thin. In fact nothing apart from starvation would make me thin. I dont have the body shape that looks thin even at a BMI of under 25.

I dont eat what I could the majority of the time. If I upped my portion sizes and ate more junk, Id maintain my weight, but Id still be heavier than I am right now. For some people exercise isnt enough, they need to eat clean as well, Im one of these people.

Losing the weight for me hasnt been that tough, but its been far from instant and neither would I have expected it to be.

I think its more likely to be the case that when people are 6 stones plus overweight they think how the hell am I going to do that. Plus I would expect many have a very poor self image as it is, doesn't help.

paulineb_2

FBaby wrote: »

I crave sugar all the time and I love fast food yet when I take my kids to Mc Donalds as a treat I don't have anything because whereas my kids are dependent on me for that treat I know it would be easy for me to go regularly. The temptation is there so I just say no each time however much I want it.

Other people clearly struggle to say no to junk food. As I said before, sugar is in so many day to day food products, unless people cook just about everything they make from scratch, its very hard to avoid it.

an9i77

OP - I'd imagine your wife wants nothing more than to lose the weight but has issues with food that get in the way of this. I should know I've been there myself. Personally I found a low carb approach worked wonders, as it took away the 'high' of eating- it's pretty hard to binge on low carb foods, a bit like drinking non alcoholic booze I think!
However, everyone is different and what works for one may not work for another. Your wife really has to work out for herself what will do it for her.
I can understand you want to be supportive, so start by understanding that it's not as simple for her as just deciding to lose weight and doing it. If she's put on as much weight as you say, and keeps stopping and starting her diets it's likely that she's using food as a psychological crutch in much the same way that someone who drinks too much alcohol or takes recreational drugs might.
You can't do it for her, but by showing her that you understand it's not as easy for her as just going on a diet, and perhaps exploring some options together, you may make some headway.

Slinky

Funny you should mention low carb eating, we've just started doing this following reading 'Escape the diet trap' by Dr John Briffa. Early days yet, but something had to be done as the pounds have been creeping on as the years go by. Reading this book makes you look at bread, pasta, cereals in a whole different light. My friend recommended it having lost 1.5 stones and maintaining it for 2 years when a lifetime of calorie counting didn't work. I have to say that we've been eating very well, plenty of good food, certainly don't feel hungry, \I look forward to seeing the results on the scales.

FBaby

Other people clearly struggle to say no to junk food.

It is a struggle for me too, that's the whole issue. That's the thing that gets to me. I know that most fat people assume that I am lucky to be the weight I am. What they don't know is that if I didn't say no to food as they do, I too would be fat. I am slim not because I am lucky but because I say 'no' to what I know I shouldn't eat.

Sometimes saying no is harder than other times and I regress and then I put on weight again, so need to sort my mind up to go back into my automatic 'no' response.

Saying 'no' is an ability we, as a society, seem to have lost. We struggle to say no to our kids, to say no to spending, and no to food. In theory, it is not hard, it only is because we lack practice and we do so because we are spoilt and been able to say yes much more commonly that other societies not so wealthy can.

Unfortunately, learning to say 'no' is not something considered a priority when educating our children. We struggle to tell them no, and struggle even more to teach them the benefit of telling themselves no, which start with the first.

paulineb_2

I actually personally never look at another person and say oh aren't they lucky to be whatever size. Because I don't know what it's taken for them to get there.

FBaby

paulineb wrote: »

I actually personally never look at another person and say oh aren't they lucky to be whatever size. Because I don't know what it's taken for them to get there.

And yet I have heard it so many times, said to me or to other slim people, I have stopped trying to justify that it isn't luck because the more I do, the more I get the 'yes, but you must have a fast metabolism, or you have good genes', or whatever else that clearly couldn't possibly have anything to do with regularly monitoring what I eat.

Just sitting here on the computer and I get the urge to munch on something unhealthy

Gloomendoom

FBaby wrote: »

Unfortunately, learning to say 'no' is not something considered a priority when educating our children. We struggle to tell them no, and struggle even more to teach them the benefit of telling themselves no, which start with the first.

That was pretty obvious from the "Do your children have to ask before stuffing themselves with unhealthy snacks just before mealtimes?" thread.