Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

Georgiegirl256

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

That said I know she does have insecurities though, and it annoys me when she gets crap off people for being skinny, it's just as bad as people giving me crap for being fat

That used to be like me. People think it's ok to tell someone they are really skinny, but dare tell someone they're fat, and OMG, you've just committed the worst offence ever, but what they've said to you is fine and totally justified....apparently. Both are wrong.

I'm not as skinny as I was anymore. However, I never was underweight, but people thought that I was and would call me anorexic to my face....it's a wonder I never actually developed some kind of eating disorder to be honest. But luckily I never had an issue with food, but it did make me feel really bad about myself, so I can totally sympathise with your sister.

But again I'm puzzled why people got all defensive and jumped on the OP, it wasn't like he was telling people on here personally to lose weight, he was asking for advice because his wife had admitted that she knew she needed to lose it.

Gigervamp

I've always been skinny/slim. I used to hate it when people would laugh and say that if I stood next to a lamp post, I'd disappear. Or call me skinny ribs.

So, when I finally gained some weight through my late 30's, I was really pleased. Not so happy with the distribution though. Most of it seemed to go round my belly and thighs, so I ended up with a pop belly.

I've since lost some of it now though due to my illness and although I've now got a flat belly again (which I love), my legs have got skinny.

I think the main reason I've never gained loads of weight is because I rarely snack and I only eat one or two meals a day. I need to put a little bit more weight on and it's very difficult for me to eat more, even though I love food. But it has to be good food for me to enjoy it.

cazziebo

I read this thread and I'm really aghast. Post after post giving excuses for what is in most cases just greed. Eat more than the energy you expend and you'll put on weight. It really is that simple - in every except the rarest of cases. It's a choice and people have to make the right choice.

Obesity is a major issue. We have to stop !!!!!footing around trying not to upset people and start addressing the problem. Like smoking, there are so many side effects of obesity such as joint damage, high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems etc etc etc. The OP is trying to help his wife avoid all that; he should be commended not slammed. I love my husband and would be exactly the same, and hope he would similarly care as much about me.

Georgiegirl256

Gigervamp wrote: »

So, when I finally gained some weight through my late 30's, I was really pleased. Not so happy with the distribution though. Most of it seemed to go round my belly and thighs, so I ended up with a pop belly.

Tell me about it! Why can it never go where you want it to? :rotfl:

paulineb_2

cazziebo wrote: »

I read this thread and I'm really aghast. Post after post giving excuses for what is in most cases just greed. Eat more than the energy you expend and you'll put on weight. It really is that simple - in every except the rarest of cases. It's a choice and people have to make the right choice.

Obesity is a major issue. We have to stop !!!!!footing around trying not to upset people and start addressing the problem. Like smoking, there are so many side effects of obesity such as joint damage, high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems etc etc etc. The OP is trying to help his wife avoid all that; he should be commended not slammed. I love my husband and would be exactly the same, and hope he would similarly care as much about me.

So when people have spoken about having issues with food, confidence and self esteem, they are greedy?

You think people don't have emotional connections to food? Why are there so many people struggling with all kinds of eating disorders, people in clinics?

Genetics also plays a part as to whether put weight on easily.

His wife isnt avoiding all that, shes five stones overweight and has been for quite some time, because the last time she got weight off was years ago for their wedding.

Shes probably been overweight for a long time. What some people have taken exception to is the method that he used to try and get her to slim down, that is asking someone who is very overweight to wear a swimsuit.

Some people specialise in GP referral qualifications so that they can help people lose weight. There are people involved with counsellors, dieticians, nutritionists, slimming clubs, gyms. There are numerous threads on these boards where people are losing weight, but sometimes they have a blip or two and are trying for the third or fourth or fifth time.

Some people turn to food after an abusive relationship or after being bullied. Like Ive said before, life happens and sometimes life is tough and not everyone copes with it in the healthiest way.

Its not all down to greed, there are many factors that cause people to be addicted to and fixated with food, or many other substances for that matter.

paulineb_2

Tell you something, Im really glad I have a family who dont say to me when Ive been struggling with my weight, you are greedy. Its just one step away from fat shaming as far as Im concerned. Yes, eat less exercise more is often trotted out. What if people cant exercise. What if someone has eaten themselves into a state where they cant actually get off the couch. Or if they are too depressed to leave the house.

I actually have never ever said to anyone in my life, look at you skinny. But Ive been abused for being fat as long as I can remember. From 9 years of age in the school playground. I grew up thinking I was fat. I looked back at a pic of me when I was that age and I wasnt fat, I was tiny, but just not as small as some of my classmates.

I remember a few years ago I was standing at a bus stop and someone went past in a car and shouted out of the window "fat cow". I had just been at the gym. I was probably a good couple of stones lighter than I am right now. I was in very good shape physically. But because I am pear shaped and have a curvy shape even if I am thinner, that means that some (ignorant) people can refer to me as a fat cow just because I dont have a straight up and down shape.

No its not healthy to be obese. Yes people risk getting ill. But if someone is truly addicted to food they need to sort out what is going on in their head first before they tackle their weight issues or they will just put it back on. They have to be ready to change their life.

And sometimes when people are addicted to salt or sugar and junk food, its fair to say that their craving may not go away overnight.

How people look on the inside as well, thats anyones guess. I bet there are people who are a healthy BMI who might not be as healthy as their physical appearance suggests.

paulineb_2

Some people would disagree that its just down to greed and laziness.

http://eating-disorders.org.uk/information/compulsive-overeating-binge-eating-disorder/

Person_one

BigJockKnew wrote: »

It's down to greed and laziness, nothing more.....addicted to food? Don't make me laugh. Pure selfishness IMO, especially if you have children.

Possibly leaving your children without a mother/father because you have no self-control is beneath contempt, then of course the usual ready made excuses are trotted out like that's some justification for eating too much and moving around too little.

Are you equally scathing about people with anorexia nervosa? Especially if they have children?

It's odd that if you struggle with food in a way that makes you thinner, you are afforded much more sympathy and understanding than if your struggle makes you bigger. Bulimics are often overweight, and compulsive binge eating is now recognised as a disorder.

FBaby

I've since realised that there's more to life than being slim, that it's no use at all as a measure of a person's worth, that a life spent counting calories or carbs is a life wasted, and I've been a happy, healthy and non-hungry size 14 for a while now. We're under so much pressure to obsess over our weight and our eating habits (and other people's) that opting out of the whole circus has been lovely.

The problem is that people struggle to stay that little bit overweight without falling into the obese category, by which they are not healthy any longer but a bomb waiting to explode at a later age. Not all slim people are healthy but very few obese ones will be long term.

Some people are lucky to find it easy to stay slim.

Some are, but I don't think it is the most common case amongst slim people. I managed to put on 1/2 a stone in a couple of months, that despite exercising intensively four times a week (and not it was muscle building), not drinking a bit of alcohol and not eating one take away of fast food meal. All it took is the odd biscuit there and then (changed job to an office where they were on offer everywhere) and slightly increasing the amount of food I ate. I actually find staying slim harder than losing weight because it is more difficult to control.

Slim people will at times spash out. I have a friend who orders a massive three course meal every time we go out, with others often commenting how she can be so slim with what she eats, but what they don't forcibly know is that she won't have eaten anything else that day.

Losing weight is tough and it gets tougher the more you have and the more used you are to over eating. That's why I feel particularly cross with parents who insist that their kids are not overweight when they clearly are, who take offence at the initiative to weight children at school to try to flag to parents that something needs to be done before habits are formed and it indeed becomes hard for the child to make changes and keep a healthy weight. Many parents think that talking about healthy eating is a taboo subject as scared to emotionally traumatise their children when it is their silence that will lead to emotional problems due to their weight.

paulineb_2

Oh and speaking as someone who still has weight to lose, I bet I do a lot more exercise and have a cleaner diet than some people who don't have issues with their weight. People make judgements based on other people's size. It can be very unwise.